This is Reality?

Kelly Still Sucks

2010-03-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

I spent so much time saddened by Bethanney's change, that I wasn't as bothered by Kelly's antics. But here we are a few episodes in and I'm reminded that she is a complete and utter nutjob.

First off, she has decided that killing innocent animals is a great way to get back at Bethanney, who did a nude photo shoot for PETA. Now, I had no idea that Bethanney gave a rat's ass about animals, though she does have a cute-as-hell doggie. Regardless, she was happy to get on a skyscraper and drop trow so that she could get more publicity. Obviously really pissed off that no one from PETA called her to get naked, Kelly decided to go on a fur shopping spree. Then, she informed the audience that she's not abusing animals, she just likes fur. Rest assured all you fur lovers, no animals are harmed in the making of fur. I never knew that before, thank you for educating me, Kelly.

Somehow, Kelly has glommed on to the LuAnn and Jill weirdness. Every time the three get together, it's clear Jill and LuAnn have no idea what Kelly is saying, but it's nice to have a famous-ish friend who is sort of pretty to hang around with. Kelly has been asked to do a photo spread for Playboy for their 40th anniversary, or perhaps its their 100th or who knows why the hell. She's on TV and she's willing to get nekked, especially because Bethanny did it first. She has all these weird explanations as to why, but if you look at the cover (which is horrible by the way) it's clear there is no specific reason why she's on there.

Jill pretended to be happy for her new bestie, but then proceeded to talk about her being her back because she has kids. LuAnn was sort of jealous no one asked her to do it. I'm sure if you really want to pose naked then someone will be willing to let you, so relax everyone.

The best part was when Kelly told her daughters about what she would be doing. I don't know if they skipped over the actual explanation or what. It's great to see how Kelly talks to her kids in the first place, since she's basically a child, it's like she is talking to her 12-year-old friends as they sip milkshakes at some weird fancy diner in a hip locale in New York. One of her daughters spent the whole time telling her it's really embarrassing to have your mom naked, and the other one didn't make a peep. I mean this kid was not happy with the idea of her mom posing, and Kelly laughed and giggled while sipping her own milkshake. Then, Kelly told the camera that her kids act like they don't want her to do it, but really they're excited. No, they're not. They don't want their old-ass mom naked on the cover of Playboy, so maybe you should think about someone other than yourself.

Last, but not least, Kelly likes to make herself feel better by telling everyone else that they are either on a different plane or planet than she is. Last year, Bethanney was on an entirely different level, which she indicated with a simple raise of her hands. However, she seems to have forgotten she did that when speaking with Bethanney, but we all saw it! This season, when Ramona asks Kelly about her bad boob job (sore subject perhaps?), Kelly says that Ramona has gone too far, and remarks to LuAnn that she's not even on the same planet as the rest of them. If that's what makes you feel better, toots, then go ahead and find your own little planet on which to exist - you're halfway there anyway. Yes, it was a rude question for Ramona to ask, but she was a little drunky and she is sort of rude. But Kelly could learn a way to respond to things in a more classy manner, rather than stomping out with her stupid animal-murdering fur vest flapping in the wind.

I can't wait until the Bethanney/Kelly blowout, that will make my week.

Holy Catfight What Happened to Bethanny

2010-03-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

I used to love Bethanny. She was one of my all-time favorite overall housewives from any city. She had razor-sharp wit, she got along with everyone, and she had the type of best-friend relationship with Jill that we all long for. Perhaps afternoon naps with a bestie in the same bed is a little odd, but it is nice to have someone to gossip with and know that you always have a plus-one, with or without your hubby/significant other.

Either it's love or fame that has bitten Bethanny's ass, or maybe she's just really hungry, because so far this season I can't stand her. First of all, Bethanny and Jill have parted ways. In the first episode it was sort of vague what had happened, and then it seems clear that Bethanny got a boyfriend and ditched Jill, just like a friend of mine did when she was 13. So tired was B of Jill wanting to hang out and know what's up, she left a message that Ms. Zarin needs to find a hobby - a message that Jill has played for every one of her friends a number of times over.

Okay, so Bethanny and Jill aren't besties anymore, that's fine. Oftentimes when you go from 0 to 60 with a new friend chances are it's too good to be true and it isn't going to last, so that's not her fault, right? Well, it seems Bethanny has been ditching everyone of the housewives since she it seems none of them have seen her since she met her guy. And let's talk about the guy in question, he seems pretty cool and laid back - so what the heck is he doing with the leader of high strung anonymous? It seems that Bethanny likes the guys that are quiet (remember baldy), and it also seems that looks is now a priority.

Upon her first drinks gathering with the Countess, another fight immediately ensues. Who doesn't want to fight with Bethanny these days? First she zips up to the bar in her Skinny Girl VW bug and kisses her man goodbye and makes him zip away in said bug. Is there anywhere these two go on their own? The Countess essentially is mad that Bethanny talked behind her back the entire last season, which she actually did. Rather than merely apologize, Bethanny got all huffy and puffy as she sipped on her skinny whatever, and then referred to Countess as a "dumb drag queen," to the camera. Granted that's hysterical, but so much for agreeing to not talk behind anyone's back. Sidenote, Countess and Jill are now besties, because I guess Jill needs a bestie at all times.

Next up, Bethanny heads over to Ramona's party, the one that Jill and Countess did not attend because Countess is mad at Mario (prounced Mare-io by Jill) for calling her Countless and not apologizing. Another sidenote, Jill and Countess not only don't attend, but they invite Kelly and Alex to come to their new party that they're creating, which is a bit rude since Alex was scheduled to see Ramona. I guess Alex gets her teeth fixed and everyone wants her at their parties. Ramona is pissed when Alex tries to leave, as she sort of should be.

Back to the main point, at Ramona's shin dig everyone tries to express that Jill is a bit upset because Bethanny dropped her like she was hot when she got a rich man. Bethanny wouldn't even acknowledge that perhaps Jill might be hurt. Also, Bethanny realized Alex was coming, and that she had to own up to the fact that she didn't use the Skinny labels Alex designed for her. The only reason this would come up is because Bethanny brought bottles with the label. If B was really worried about not hurting someone's feelings by throwing away all of her hard work, how about telling Alex the moment the decision is made rather than months later because you're forced to.

So in a nutshell, Bethanny now sucks. I won't go so far as to say that she sucks more than Kelly, because that would be impossible. And maybe she'll stop mooning over her guy (who is hot and rich, I'd probably moon, too) and start being a friend to people again. However, in the previews I do see a war that will happen between Kelly and Bethanny that I can't wait to witness.

Another New Housewife

2009-11-24T11:04:00.001-08:00

Atlanta has come and gone, and the original Orange County ladies have returned.

To sum things up, Gretchen is now dating Joe's old flame Slade. Remember Joe from the original season, she headed off to L.A. to become a singer? Golly, wonder how that's going. So now Gretchen has finally picked up the pieces from the death of her fiancee a few months prior to being with Slade. They might even be living together, I'm not sure. This is Slade's third encounter with a housewife, but at least he has a hot one now. I'm sure he'd prefer his own show, but until then - housewives watch out!

Tamra and Vicki are still besties, but Tamra HATES Gretchen. Tamra believes that Gretchen was never in a real relationship with the old man, Jeff, and thus thinks Gretchen is a terrible person. Now, I never believed Gretchen was with Jeff either, but I don't hate her. She sure does wear a lot of makeup though. Gretchen also had some racy pictures of herself uploaded onto the old Interweb, and in one of them she is playing with a vibrator with a cord. Tamra was appalled by anyone using a vibrator with a cord! So Lynn had a party for her "cuff" thingies and Gretchen and Tamra got into it rather hardcore. A little bit of drama is always fun.

Jeana has decided she can't take the bickering and drama and is leaving the show. She is apparently better than all the rest of them, and let's just say she won't be missed. She has one last meal with her three kids and sits and beams at them as they make dumb remarks about not wanting to work. Her daughter is wearing so much eyeliner her eyes might as well be closed. Filling in for Jeana is Alexis, who I love to hate already. Click the link and see how pretty! Alexis is in great shape and likes to strut her stuff in tiny outfits. However, trying on lingerie in front of others is a no-no according to her hubby. Bikinis are fine though! Ms. Alexis has three children, and the stay at home mom has two nannies. Two of them! One of them travels so when they go to a friend's house her hubby can hand one of them off to the nanny and grab a beer. Thank heavens for help otherwise he might have to figure out their names. In their family, God comes first, then marriage then kids. I will be shocked if they ever actually attend church.

Tamra is already jealous of Alexis's rocking bod and all the money she can spend thanks to her husband being a "successful businessman," whatever that means. Gretchen and Alexis when to work out together, and Alexis revealed that she works out about 3 hours a day - now I see why she needs a nanny. But two of them?

It's rather refreshing to have a new face in the crowd, because to be honest the other ladies are getting a bit crabby and old. The whole point of the show is to watch frivolous "ladies who lunch" spend money on ridiculous things because I have to count my pennies before ordering a veggie sandwich at Subway. Literally everyone on the show is moving to a new house and unable to spend money and have fun, except Vicki who won't splurge on dumb things (which is why she still has money I would guess) Why on Earth would I want to watch that? Maybe if Gretchen sold her harley she could have some spare change - or, I don't know, get a JOB.

My advice to Bravo is to get some more idotic hotty blondes and have them buy a whole bunch of crap I can't afford and drink wine. Then hire me as a consultant.

I Like Kandi

2009-10-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

At the start of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, I didn't really like Kandi. I don't know why. Was I a hater like the rest of the gals? Obviously, I wasn't a fan of the way Nene and Kandi don't get along, because Nene is the best. However, Nene took some annoying steps this season, like telling Kim she couldn't sell a record alone rather than saying "I want to be on your record and I'm hurt." Sometimes you need to just man up and tell the truth. Also, though I still love Nene, her desire for attention could make it difficult for us to be besties.

Anyway, this post is about Kandi, so Nene will have to take a seat and let me fall for someone new. The thing about Kandi is that she's actually pretty famous. Sure, I had never heard of her before, and Xscape sounds vaguely familiar, but other peopld know who she is! She hangs with T-Boz like it's no big deal. And, she writes pretty catchy songs. Look at what she did for "Tardy for the Party," I can't get that damn song out of my head. And if it wasn't Kim singing on the track I might even consider downloading the tune, but that doesn't mean Kandi made her sound crappy- quite the opposite. It's about the principal of course.

I have to say Kandi might be better as a writer than a singer, but it's cool she tries to do both. Also, the fact that her name is Kandi (and spelled like it is) made it a little difficult to hop on the train. However, the first moment I though maybe I could like Kandi was when she decided to do her Alter Ego photo shoot in honor of someone in a coma from a drunk driving accident. Then, she was able to build up a frightened Kim and convince her to sing in a recording booth. How does Kim repay Kandi? By not showing up to her first show.

Speaking of Kandi's first show, she did a great job! And now she is being signed to Capitol Records. In fact, Capitol Records was her first meeting and they're dying to have her. For some reason, I was really happy for her when I heard that. Don't get me wrong, if there were to be a need for a Team Kandi or Team Nene proclamation, I wouldn't be waving a Kandi flag. She still has really bad taste in men, which maybe I'm not allowed to speak of because he is no longer with us. And now I see the reunion is being postponed. It's sad, it certainly is, but let's forget that part of it and just note how AJ was not a good match for Kandi. What was it, five kids and four baby mommas? Come on, Kandi, daddy complex or what?

At first, I insulted Kandi a bit for caring what the blogs say, but now I'm here singing her praises. I can't say I'll buy her album, but I wish her the best of luck with everyone else making that purchase. And, though I enjoy seeing her on Real Housewives now, she's just not right for the next season. She's too real to fit in. Not enough drama makes her a tad more boring, but I hope she would see that as a compliment, just like Deshawn.

This One's For Rhythm City

2009-09-23T12:24:00.001-07:00

A new season of America's Best Dance Crew has begun, and I still cherish this show so much that I must comment.

Right now we're down to the final two, and I meant to comment sooner, but now I'm so saddened by the elimination of my favorite crew, Rhythm City, that I didn't have the heart. One of the biggest problems with this show is that "America" picks the bottom two contenders, and then the judges pick who stays and who goes. Earlier in the season, Rhythm City was in the bottom two with my other favorite group, the wildly underappreciated Southern Movement, and the judges were forced to pick between the two best performances of the night. Rhythm City won out and continued to create innovative and creative dance routines, but when the show got down to just four teams, RC had to go up against Massive Monkeys, which I'm sorry to report looks like EVERY OTHER b-boy team that's ever been on the show. In the end the Monkeys won out, and I shed a tear as my favorite crew bounded off the stage.

Thankfully, in the last episode before the finale, the Massive Monkeys were sent home. I don't mean to be rude to the Monkeys, and the tall black fellow is quite talented and the fact that he couldn't even walk when he was a kid is amazing. He should be proud to have come so far. The group can do fabulous tricks, but the dudes aren't dancers in the sense of the word that I thought would reflect upon America's Best DANCE Crew. For the last three years a b-boy group has won and I'm tired of it. Finally, we can have a finale with out any b-boys. But, I'm not entirely excited with the two remaining crews.

Currently, we are left with We Are Heros and AfroBorike. Sadly, it's difficult for me to get behind either of these teams, especially because I feel Rhythm City was by far the most creative and clean dance crew on the stage at any given time. We Are Heros is a full-on girl group, which is fabulous! But they are nowhere near as talented as last year's Beat Freaks. Beat Freaks kicked butt all of last season, but a less-than-stellar finale caused them to lose to Quest Crew in the end. I agree with that final decision, but only if based on that one last performance. But the point is We Are Heros is a fine crew, but I don't feel they are America's best. However, thanks to my stupid DVR I did miss their performance of Vogue on the VMA Challenge show, which I need to look up. And, to be fair, they did a nice job in the second-to-last episode's decade challenge. Perhaps they have grown over time and deserve more credit than I can give?

The other remaining crew, AfroBorike, is certainly a talented bunch of latin-inspired dancers, and I would kill for the abs on either of the three ladies. However, their problem lies in the fact that their routines need cleaning up, and they're starting to do the same thing over and over.

I still need to watch the final performances of these two groups. And the thing that I am most excited about is that both have women members and neither are b-boys, so already this season is ahead of the game. If I had to make a guess as to who will win, I'd go with We Are Heros. In fact, I'd bet some dough on it.

Since this post was supposed to be devoted to Rhythm City, I'd like to show some of their best performances (on the way). Best of luck to you kids, I bet you'll go far. And by the way, how cool would it have been to see them do that decade challenge? Very.

Another Real World Comes to a Close

2009-09-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

Real World Season 150 has ended. I stopped writing about it for a while, because really nothing happened.

The show went the direction I suspected. C.J. was bland and did nothing, Ayiiia continued to annoy everyone, Jonna flirted with every boy that looked her direction, Emilie and Derek faded away, Jasmine sure got over her drinking problem fast and Bronne ended up being a tad interesting. Somehow I missed the part where Bronne described his name as "like the paper towel." HA!

There was one strange incident that I didn't understand, that perhaps someone else could shine light upon. C.J. went to Vegas for some NFL scouts to watch him kick. He decided to bring his bros Bronne and Derek along for the fun. We didn't see much in Vegas, except I suppose some agents liked C.J. Good for him! Anyway, when they got home, Bronne was describing what they did. He didn't say "Holy crap it was so awesome I'm so glad we got to go sucks to be you." Nope, he just said, "it was fun, we did this." Somehow, this made Emilie super duper pissed off. She was so mad, that she took a zombie (?) magazine and Maxim out of Bronne's bag and stomped all over it. I have no idea if she was drunk or what. It's not Bronne's fault that C.J. took him to Vegas you stupid stupid girl.

Anyway, Bronne found out and actually politely asked Emilie why she did it. Emilie started acting like a little brat and said she accidentally opened his bag and stomped on it. Bronne finally cracks and yells at the girls, and tells them he's never liked them. Ayiiia laughs at this "unprovoked" outburst and Emilie cries. Well what the heck girl. Don't do that stuff. Or just admit you were JEALOUS and move on. Can someone please explain why people act this way.

Anyway, the season dragged on and Jonna did in fact make out with Pat. In fact, they had a nice threesome with Ayiiia before Pat went back to Canada. It's all good though, because Jasmine decided to date Pat's cousin. That wasn't awkward in the slightest. Jonna officially dumped her boyfriend in the rudest way possible, and as soon as Pat returned to Canada he started dodging her calls. Again, a big surprise.

I think one of the big problems is that there are too many damn people on the show. There used to be just seven strangers, but now MTV has decided eight is a big number. Though the reason might be because they assume one or more will be kicked off. Speaking off kicked off, on the season finale, Joey comes back for a few days. Everyone is happy to see him, except Ayiiia, who warms up to him in the end. She gets so warm that the two make out. After the fact, Ayiiia freaks out for cheating on her boyfriend. What's that? Ayiiia has a boyfriend? I guess so! Who knew? He wasn't a problem when she hooked up with Pat and Jonna and Emilie; however, she spends the last half hour of the show annoyingly worried over how this mystery man will react.

Other than that, the show just poops out. Emilie and Bronne make up, and Jonne admits that she should maybe try to have some girlfriends. We remember that there is a dude named Derek on the show, and that's about it. Done and done. What could the finale possibly bring? Maybe we can call out Joey for being such a whore? Reveal that Jonne is back together with her man? I'd be shocked to hear that Jasmine and whats-his-face are no longer. Will Pat show up, since he was on the show more than anyone else?

While we wait, The Ruins is set to begin next. I don't really like the challenges, but I do love the drama. And the Kenny...

ATL is Back!

2009-08-20T12:48:00.001-07:00

My girls down South are back for my viewing pleasure, but somehow this season isn't shaping up to be as exciting as the first one. It's like they are all too aware that the cameras are on and so the drama that ensues seems entirely unrealistic... even more so than before. Also, the huge rift between Kim and the others seems to be from things she said about them during the "off season," most of which is vague and I didn't hear about, making me feel sadly out of the loop.

We're about three shows in, and we've already witnessed a wig tug, a Dwight party with models dressed as animals, and Sheree getting into a screaming match with a party planner. Whoowee here we go.

First of all, bye Deshawn, I'm sorry you weren't interesting enough to stick around for season 2. If it is any conciliation the reason you were dropped is because you are too normal and likable. And I saw that your hubby is now doing some NBA commentary, good for him!

To replace Deshawn, we have Kandi Burruss, a singer/songwriter who cowrote the TLC hit "No Scrubs." Quite honestly, there was a huge scene where Kandi cries after reading blogs, so I don't want to say anything too mean about her... The ring your fiancee bought for you is lovely. However, I do have to wonder about the fact that your fiancee has 6 kids from 4 different women. I think that's what Ms. Burruss said on the last episode. Kandi if you're happy, then more power to you! But that's a lot of Baby Momma Drama, and has he since learned the magic of a condom? I'm still waiting for Kandi to show us why she is more exciting than Deshawn, though we did get a visit from T-Boz!!

On to the beautiful and fabulous Nene. She is still among my favorite housewives ever, but girl you know you're big boned. There is nothing wrong with that and it should be embraced. As someone who is not afraid to "tell it like it is" I'm surprised she's bothered in the least that someone might think she's a bit - voluptuous. Lisa, Nene is indeed plus-sized, ask Tyra. I'm hoping in the next episodes Nene reminds the world that she loves her curves, because I do. The haircut I'm not so sure about. How can a woman run around in the dresses Nene wears does with fabulous cleavage at every turn and not be proud that no one will need to offer her a sandwich at any time. The "fight" between Lisa, Nene and Sheree's friend Nadia was indeed weird. Nadia, there is nothing wrong with being called skinny and being offered a sammich. I'd love to be insulted in such a way on an hourly basis. Sadly, it's rare somebody thinks that I'm not getting enough carbs.

Lisa is still a little bundle of energy. And can we discuss how fabulous of a husband she has? Ed Hartwell is adorable and loves the carp out of his little spitfire. I do have one question... didn't Lisa have more children last season? This season we just hear about the newest one they have together and hear endless talk about wanting more. Ah, some research reminds me that she was formerly married to Keith Sweat, and he won't allow their two children to be on the show. Does that mean they live with one of the most forgettable members of New Edition? While I love Ed Hartwell to pieces, Lisa is a bit on the jumpy side this season. Every scene she is a comedian. I love how proud she is of running home after walking to Nene's house, especially since there has been a lot of discussion between the two of them how fun it is to love only a block apart. Lisa is working on her own clothing line, and similarly to Sheree she doesn't draw or sew, which means she is just basically paying to put her name on someone else's clothes. Can't wait till the fight about that one.

Sheree is just as annoying as ever. Talk about being aware of the cameras are on, except when she gets really down and dirty and has embarrass screaming matches with anyone around and then protests that she is the only one with class. She has been forced to move out of her home because her ex let the mortgage lapse. She's moved into a home that is still 20 times the size of my apartment, and is now spending time planning various parties for herself. The first one was going to include helicopters and other such necessities, until she got in a screaming match with the party planner because he wasn't licking her shoes, and he was mad that she wasn't licking HIS shoes. Ick. There was shouting, standing, swearing, "your momma's" and more all in an office setting. Somehow, Sheree is now friends with Nene and has a falling out with Kim. Despite their love fest last year, Sheree is now pulling Kim's wig when Nene tries to get the two to talk. She didn't want to pull it off, she just wanted to "shift" it.

And now on to the anomaly that is Kim. Could someone please explain to me how this woman has any money? Before I thought Big Poppa was funding her stupidly lavish lifestyle, but now it seems he is out of the picture and she is still dropping $3,000 on some procedure that rubs the cellulite out of her thunder thighs as she jokes about never going to a gym and complains that the visit is taking too long because she so busy doing...?? I know the show is about how rich these women are, but no one seems to embrace it like Kim. Designers are sending her dresses and bags to shift through, which is ridiculous since she oozes out of every piece of cheap-looking clothing she wears. Basically everyone hates Kim, and I am on team everyone.

Can't wait to see what's next, except for Nene finding her real dad. I love you, Nene, but some things might be better kept private.

Scary.

2009-08-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Ryan from "Megan Wants a Millionaire" is wanted for murder. Not just murder, but stuffing-naked-women-in-a-carryon murder. I always thought there was something off about that kid, but let's face it, he was one of the better looking cats on the show. And, thank you both Daily Mail and MSNBC for revealing that he was one of the final contestants, but didn't win. Now the whole damn show is ruined.

Click here to read about what Ryan is being accused of doing. I like how even Megan had something to say about it, indicating that Ryan and a Ms. Jasmine Fiore might have gotten married. It seems Mr. Jenkins is a fan of blondes.

Ick. Watching the show is going to be tough knowing what we now know about this fellow...

Ding Dong Joey's Gone

2009-08-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

It's a shame that Joey's alarm clock didn't go off, but if hadn't blown off work earlier in the season for being sexually frustrated and drunk, then this one mistake wouldn't matter. And, if he wasn't such an ass munch to everyone (he calls it problems with authority) maybe his stay in Cancun could've been salvaged. Ayiiia, girl, I feel your joy. I was going to post a picture, but I can't even look at it. Instead here is a lovely picture of the Cancun skyline.

What I hate the most is that the rest of the cast seems to have forgotten the shitty things that Joey has done. Well, not the boys, they're ready to bask in the glow of his ability to nail any and every girl that looks at him only to never talk to her again. The girls, however, previously had a beef with Joey that was never resolved, and now there are tears at his dismissal? Additionally, wouldn't the way he uses girls like yesterday's tissue piss someone off? Anyone?

Let me rewind a bit. I already discussed the spitting into food episode that was stupid and ridiculous and the start of the Joey vs. Åyiiia war. I think the thing that is most annoying about Joey is his smug "i'm awesome" look that he wears around like a doosh face. The way that he bags women without a care just shows how he thinks only of himself and doesn't give a crap about his actions. Anyway, a few eps ago, Emilie walks in on a grody naked CJ doing some Cancun slut. CJ thinks it's Ayiiia, who is sitting in the hot tub. He starts yelling at her, and then Joey chimes in for no reason. They really lay into her and tell her that no one likes her, etc. etc. Ayiiia is so upset that she cuts herself. See, now we're getting a little on the serious side. Emilie is worried about Ayiiia and tells the boys to lay off she has an issue with cutting. What does Joey do? Crack up and vow to do all he can to send Ayiiia home. This entails posting signs around the house that say "go home no one likes you" and "we all hate you" or something in what looks like fake blood. Then, when Ayiiia is clearly rattled and asks Joey to leave her alone, he says "do you need a knife?" Ow. Ow ow ow.

The gals realize what a heartless, pointless, unprovoked dick move this is and try to comfort Ayiiia. Yes, she is a drama queen, yes, she likes attention, but holy cow slicing your arm and kicking your foot through a glass door are clear indications that a chick needs help.

At this point, it should be clear to all that Joey sucks donkey balls and eserves what comes to him. Yet, the boys don't see it this way at all. I thought maybe Bronne could be a decent guy, but nope. He hates Ayiiia, too, and will not help her out one bit. If he does, then Joey might not let Bronne lick his bum later so Bronne has to be careful. Even sweet little Derek isn't coming to the rescue.

That, my friends, why I am cheering that greasy Joey is on his way home. If you can't learn to deal with other people or be remotely human, Sayonara. A few episodes ago, Joey blew off his night shift because he couldn't get laid and because he got drunk in the afternoon. Instead of calling his boss and saying he didn't feel well, he just skipped work. That was his first strike. He was given a second chance, and he missed an early morning shift (8:30 is not early) because CJ is too dumb to work an alarm. Rather than really explain and express that he wants to stay, Joey is a jerk to his boss and he's sent home. Yay. The weird thing is, he seems to have a good vibe with his mom. If he were my kid, I'd be embarrassed by his behavior. Sorry Mrs. Joey.

OK, now, that I've properly vented about "Jo Jo" let's move on to a new topic. What's wrong with Jonna (in case you've forgotten we pronounce it John-Ay- as in say). She has weird piercings on her collar bone, OK fine. She's got a guy at home, but she snuggles with anyone male that gives her attention. She realized milquetoast CJ is a dud and stopped hanging with him when he tried to smooch her. Silly boy misread the nightly snuggles. She then gave a haircut to a very handsome guy that also wanted to make out with her. Now, she has decided her mission is to help poor little Pat get away from her roommate Jasmine. I'm not sure how I feel about Jasmine. She's about 4-feet tall and 80 pounds, but she's got some energy to her. She's got a thing for Pat, who seems to be nice and all, but is giving her weird signals. He also apparently boinked the slut that was in CJ's bed. Pat and Jazz have kissed, but he doesn't want to do her till they have a heart to heart. Fine, have a heart to heart then.

Anyway, Jasmine is getting a tad obsessed with Pat, and I would too if I were getting so many crossed signals. With Jonna being oh-so-helpful, they two are becoming quite close. At one point Jonna pulls Pat away and whispers that she's just trying to "save" him away from Jasmine. Dude, that's your roommate. Jonna has no understanding of the girl code, none. What's with the loyalty confusion? Also, in the upcoming scenes for the season, Jonna is going to smooch Pat. TRAITOR. In the beginning Jonna was an outcast because she only hung out with the boys. Though she hangs out with the girls now, she clearly has no love for them and feels zero loyalty. Even if Pat isn't officially dating Jasmine, she likes him.

Hands off.

Millionaires Can't Be Attractive?

2009-08-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

After a long wait, Megan Houserman's show is finally poised to entertain me on Sunday nights. I sat through Daisy of Love mainly because the weird men were fascinating, but it was tough to commit because I can't really stand Daisy. I sort of disliked Daisy less as the show went on, but her overly plastic face and body, as well as her winey, pouty attitude were a lot to take the night before a work week.

I know that many people hate Megan in the same fashion, if not more, but for some reason I've always found her amusing and in fact wanted her to take home the prize on I Love Money.

Anyway, Megan finally has her own show, Megan Wants a Millionaire, which is basically Daisy of Love (or I Love New York), but instead of rockers it's millionaires, 90 percent of which are somewhat hideous. I suppose that if they were attractive millionaires they wouldn't need to go on a show to find a hot, blond bimbo, but VH1 couldn't find any better candidates? Especially since these millionaires all only have about $1 million.

There might be one or two guys that aren't gross or embarassing, but for the most part these guys all have some sort of creepy problem. It's odd that Daisy's crop of rockers had more cuties than the pool of men offered to an infinately more attractive Megan.

Some lowlights:

Donald -This horribly awkward "move producer" is clearly not the physical type that Megan might go for, and he's a touch on the old side. His net worth (everyone's net worth is advertised) is about $2.2 million, which he earned from producing movies with names like "Bikini Chainsaw Babes" and "Slasher Hotties Drool Over Creepy Old Producers" or something along those lines. Megan is a bit torn since she wants to be in movies, but in the end she acknowledges she can fake it, but not for that long. Poor Donald is sent home after making numerous "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" references and just plain making everyone feel embarassed and uncomfortable.

Garth - Sadly, you can't see the ridiculously bright and obnoxious shirt that Garth wore when first meeting Megan, which was an accurate reflection of his peronality. He is rich due to a plumbing business (which is fine! I'm not judging), and he exhibits the personality and maturity one might expect from, well, a plumber (I judge a little). I was ready to give him a bit of a chance (not really), until he decided he hates the Trust Fund Baby Joe for talking with Donald about movies. Garth is infintely annoyed with the sparkly piggy bank that Joe carries around, but he's carrying it because Megan gave it to him! It's not like he likes sparkly piggy banks (actually he might, see below). Garth goes so far as to break the poor piggy into a million pieces for literally no reason. Speaking of Joe, he actually looks nice in his cast pictures, but I have a strong suspicion that he might be gay. And his voice is super annoying. I will give Garth that one.

I honestly don't know how Megan could feign interest in any of these tools, and for some reason she likes Ryan the most. Maybe as the show progresses there will be personalities that I like and can get on board with. I didn't instantly appreciate Flex from Daisy of Love, but by the end I was a big fan. If Shaun wasn't wearing the stupid kerchif, he might have a chance.

The format of the show is entirely predictable. All the men came out of a limo (ala Bachelorette) and tried to impress Megan in about three seconds. After this, she called in her BFFs Brandi C and Cecelia. Thankfully neither of them were given much to do, and I hope they won't be back. Brandi C from I Love Money is fine, but Cecelia, from Beauty and the Geek, was always a bit of a bitch. It's interesting that Megan can only make friends with people on reality shows.

Sent home along with poor, lame Donald who would most likely have a problem living this down if he had any friends, were Audi (never mention how good you are in the sack followed by a smack on the arm upon first meeting a woman) and James, a trust fund baby without the trust fund, in addition to way too many teeth in his mouth.

The first episode was a bit of a snooze, but I'll give Megan a chance because she is amusing. Come on, girl. Don't let Daisy of Love create a better show, please?

Two Bad Picks and One I Can Live With

2009-07-29T13:06:00.001-07:00

All of a sudden, my summer season of Reality Trash is almost over, which means a new batch of exciting stuff is on the way. For instance, I certainly slowed down the DVR when I saw a commercial for Megan's show! After all the buzz Megan Wants a Millionaire is going to air next week! Don't worry I will be sure to watch every second of that one.

As for the shows that ended, sadly the Bachelorette and Daisy of Love picked incorrectly, while I'm fine with Charm School's pick, though the process still makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Let's start with miss Jilly of the Bachelorette. As you can see from my previous posts, I've gotten very angry with this gal. I scooted through the episode and watched creepy, soft Ed's encounter with Jilly's parents. Jilly's dad loves Ed because he asked for her hand in marriage right there. The others seem to feel that he was a tad goofy, and worried about the fact that he already ditched her for his job once - as they should! When Kiptyn came around, the ladies were more interested in him, but since he couldn't proclaim that he was ready to tie the knot instantly, daddy dearest wasn't impressed. Ho hum, where's Reid.

Finally, Jilly is standing by the ocean in a sea of flowers and other crap, when Kiptyn's limo pulls up. Sorry Kiptyn, you're not the one. Unfortunately, my DVR caught up with real time and I had to watch commercials. I tried really hard to sit still, but instead I started simultaneously watching the freakshow that is Daisy. Eventually, Bachelorette back on, and as Ed sat in the back of his limo, a red minivan pulls up and out pops Reid! He looks as handsome as I remember, until in the close up we see he's a tad sweaty and his hair is silly. No matter! He proclaims his love and Jilly has to pause and think. The best line of the season was perhaps when she looked around and said, "you know what we're doing here, right?" Jilly takes a moment and sits with Chris Harrison, who it seems at first wants to convince her that Reid is a better catch because everyone in the world knows this to be true, but instead he remembers Jilly is stupid and so tells her if she wants creepy Ed then give Reid the boot. As soon as she stepped out there to pull out Reid's heart and do a hula dance on top of it, I switched over to Daisy. Best of luck to you Jilly and Ed, I hope he can continue to get it up. Kiptyn, I've already forgotten everything about you. Reid, you know how to reach me.

On to Daisy. I do admit I've seen every episode of this fake train wreck. Ninety percent of those on the show were there to either bang Daisy or be on TV. In the first episode, three glam-rock Swedish twins raided Daisy's fridge and stuck hot dogs in salsa before they were booted. Though it's weird 12 Pack was on a number of VH1 shows, he seemed to really like her and wanted to win her heart. He also just seemed like a nice, fun dude. Even the others agreed! I also liked Flex, though his intentions didn't seem AS pure. At the start, we were down to Flex, 12 Pack and London, who had also left previously. What is with all these people being allowed to come back? It's not FAIR. 12 Pack is the first to go, and he's left saddened on a tarmac awaiting his plane. Daisy, why? He's the one that loved you the most. He even SAID so.

Daisy has an overnight with Flex, where they grossly make out and head to her room. He does return to his hotel room shirtless, which is fine with me - he's called Flex for a reason. London only gets a day date, which means no nookie for him! The kissing is disgusting so here is where DVR helps me out again. In the end, Daisy says that Flex is what she needs, but London is what she wants. So she needs a hot, meathead 22-year-old meathead, but she wants a 30-year-old, soft around the middle, eye-liner wearing loser. Got it. I hear Daisy of Love 2 might already be in the works, so I'm guessing it didn't work. Maybe that's why she didn't pick 12-y? Because then she couldn't have a sequel. 12 Pack, you're not really my type but I wish you the best of luck!

Now Charm School. This season has blown from the start. I thought I had started a rant, but I don't see it here. Basically, pitting Real Chance of Love girls against Rock of Love girls ends up in a race debate no one wants to get into, and that's a mistake from the start. Aside from that, the show makes no sense. If you're too much of a bitch from the start, you get cut (KiKi). If you're doing a great job of progressing (Bubbles), you're sent home. If they think you just want money (Britannya) you get sent home. If you're mean to everyone and you make small improvements along the way (Ashley), you get to be a runner up. Now in the end, the winner was Risky, who I actually have always liked. Risky basically won because she was able to open up and say that she was abused. And this is great she did this, but does that make her charrrrming? I don't know. Marcia, another runner up, was basically an alcoholic and stopped drinking, in a way, that is more actual progress, am I right? Regardless, at least someone I liked finally won on Monday. Sheesh.

Reid to Appear on Finale!

2009-07-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, I guess now I'll watch. Nice work ABC.

This One's For You, Reid!

2009-07-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Jillian, you are a stupid stupid girl. I've said it before and I'll say it again. First you let Wes make you look like an idiot. He basically said "if you're not into me then I'm not into you," and instead of picking up on his obviously disingenuous antics, you went ahead and let him soar through to the final four so that he could announce to the world that he's the first guy to make it to the final four with a girlfriend. I thought that was as low as you could go, and then you cut Reid. Not only did you let lovely, kind Reid go home because he wouldn't promise to propose to you, but you kept the guy that can't get it up.

The entire conversation between you and Reid consisted of you trying to badger him into saying he'll propose. You guys just met! What's the damn hurry? If anything it should be refreshing to see a guy being absolutely honest that he feels rushed. He SHOULD FEEL RUSHED, he's being forced to propose after knowing you for two weeks. Reid likes you, he said he could see this progressing. Any guy that says he's ready to marry you after being on a TV show with you for a few weeks is a liar. What happens when you move to their city and hang in real life? How can you KNOW? HOW JILLY.

So, Reid was sent home. Then, poor guy mentions in the limo it's all his fault he didn't tell her he loves her. It's not your fault, Reid, you were right to be cautious. Why propose if you don't want to be married?

Meanwhile, left behind is Kiptyn, who is just a cardboard cutout of a dude, and Ed, who can't get it up. Oh, you tried to make it vague with talk of lack of chemistry and pressure and sunburns, but the upshot is that Ed couldn't perform. You told poor Chris Harrison that you were worried that there wasn't chemistry. You should be worried he can't get it up - ever. I guess it is mean to dump someone because they can't get their willy wonking, but isn't that a bit weird and awkward? Aside from the soft wee-wee, Ed is creepy! I want to like him because he's from Chi-town, but I can't. He's some sort of computer nerd that didn't know he was sort of cute and now he acts like he's king of the world and with the hottest girl around. Yes, you are the hottest girl around because there are no other girls around. it's not fair because Ed left and then came back. And he can't keep his hands off of you! Isn't it a bit annoying? Guess who won't be watching the finale, now. I'll watch the fun reunion, but the finales usually suck anyway.

Reid, my darling, I said two weeks ago that you're too good for her. Dust of the embarrassment of losing and realize that Jillian isn't all that and you could find a nice gal that won't rush you into things you don't want. I wish your picture up top was a tad better, and you have silly hair, but perfection doesn't exist. After searching for your picture, I learned that your last name is Rosenthal! Could it be that you are one of us? Oh joy.

Dear, Reid, if I wasn't engaged, I'd give you my number. See? No pressure here.

Too Old for The Real World?

2009-07-10T09:24:00.001-07:00

I fear that I might just be getting too old for The Real World. I had some problems understanding the fights that erupted between the young whipper snappers in Brooklyn, but at least I could fall for one of them (sweet Ryan) and maybe understand another (Baya). But In Cancun, I have no idea what is wrong with these kids. They're just fighting and yelling at each other for no reason.

We're three episodes in now, and I guess everyone hates Ayiiia. I honestly am not sure why. Tattoo guy whose name escapes me right now fought with Ayiiia last week because he wanted to leave a club and she wanted a cigarette or something. One of the roomies was missing so Tattoo told her to shut up there were more important things. Then, Ayiiia walked around screaming that Tattoo guy has herpes on his lip. Tattoo was mad and embarrassed, so he spit in Ayiiia's food. All of these responses are completely foreign to many in so many ways, and then it gets better. Ayiiia holes up with Emily (it's not spelled that way but I don't care) and Jasmine to talk about how much Tattoo sucks. Then, Tattoo comes out with his guitar to rub it in their faces with a song. They then throw water on his guitar, and he cries because they ruined it. Um, then don't bring it out to taunt them.

That was last week's exciting and juvenile episode. This week, Ayiiia and Emily make out and proclaim their love for each other. The girls also decide they don't like Jonna because she hangs with the guys. The guys invite Emily and Jasmine out on the town then leave them behind. The next morning, they have to go to work early, and the guys are trying to speed the girls up and Emily freaks out. She is also mad because Ayiiia didn't back her up. So Emily and Jasmine miss out on a day of zip lining, shark feeding and other fun stuff because they're brats. Ayiiia dives right in and seems to have fun. Somehow along the way, everyone decides Ayiiia sucks and causes all the problems. They don't tell Ayiiia, and when she tries to talk to first Jasmine and then Emily, they both get annoyed at her. Lost yet? BECAUSE I AM.

All the girls seem to think that to be strong women they have to be mean, yelling bitches, and then they fight with the guys and complain how they just can't handle strong women. I'm tired of all these girls on reality TV giving girls a bad name. Ayiiia has some issues, but it appears so does everyone else. The solution? Blame it all on Ayiiia. Many times during this week's episode I had to look to Luther to see if he understood what the heck was going on. He'd pause from licking his feet to shrug.

My patience is wearing thing. It's difficult when I can't stand any of the people on the show, and can't spell their names correctly either. I'll give you at least one more week, Real World Cancun. Just one more week. You saw what I did to The Hills after three years! Finally gave up.

Stupid, Stupid Girls

2009-06-30T17:53:00.000-07:00

It's appropriate that as I write this angry blog, Legally Blonde plays in the background. Warner has just told Elle that she isn't smart enough to be in law school, and she heads out to show the world she can be serious.

Meanwhile, stupid stupid Jillian is proving that she can let stubble confuse her into wasting time on a player who admits himself that he isn't a good liar. That's right, Vanilla Jake returned to tattle on Wes, and Jillian STILL KEPT WES another week. I refuse to even call her Jilly, because I am too angry at her stupidity. I can't wait until she watches the show at home and sees how dumb she looks.

In last night's episode, Jillian went on the hometown dates. Nothing really exciting to report on that, except that Reid is still my favorite. Though now I'm wondering if Reid could do better than Jillian.

Jillian visits Wes last, gee wonder if that was on purpose. She first meets his "other family," which is his band. They play a song that I didn't care to listen to, as Vanilla Jake lands his fancy commercial plane to come tell Jillian the truth! Because he cares! Vanilla Jake gets his time with Jillian, and first informs her he isn't there to get her back. He then reports that Wes is seeing a gal named Laurel. This is after he called Tanner Foot Guy to make sure that he's doing the right thing. Vanilla Jake fails to mention that Wes also told every one of the guys that he is on the show to further his career.

Jillian confronts Wes and he insists he doesn't have a girlfriend. She calls Jake into the room and they sit awkwardly and say nothing to each other. Wes continually says he doesn't have a girlfriend, and Vanilla Jake is too dumb to ask about the whole career thing, which could be enough to get him sent home. Jake leaves and cries in the hallway, and Wes and Jillian have an awkward conversation where Wes says maybe she shouldn't meet his family and he's made it this far and he's pretty pleased. Jillian ignores his attempts to just end things, and agrees to see his family. The family visit is also weird as Wes' family insists that he is a good guy. It's like they've all been primed for this and know the right thing to say, but something STILL SEEMS OFF. WHY DOESN'T SHE THINK ANYTHING IS WEIRD?

To make matters more complicated for our poor stupid girl, Ed returns. Ed had previously left because his job told him to come back. Since Ed is the Chicago guy I can't dislike him, but he's a bit behind in the game.

At the rose ceremony, I was convinced that Wes' time was up. I mean, he's been called out, he is awkward, nothing about him seems real, he made fun of poor Jake praying, etc. etc. I can't quite understand what is remotely appealing about him, and he isn't even that good looking or interesting. Jillian if you want me to believe you're really in this for the right reason as you mention every episode, you cannot pick the bad boy. I was ready to say bye to Wes and sweet little funny Michael. He means well, but the spark isn't there. Sorry, bud.

Reid is called first. Then Kiptyn and then Ed. I was a bit surprised about Ed, but OK. Then the last name called is WES. Michael and Jesse are sent home.

I just want to know why. Please, someone explain to me why Jillian is so stupid and keeps wasting her time on a guy like him. And does Wes really think his career will take off by being a jerk? The sad thing is, it probably will.

In the previews for next week, Jillian quizzes Wes about his girlfriend AGAIN. If she had any doubts why didn't she let him go? If he stays one more week that's it. I will watch the reunion so Jillian can remark about what a dumb, blind idiot she is, but other than that I am OUT.

Why Wouldn't You Tell Jilly The Truth?

2009-06-29T14:48:00.001-07:00

Another season of The Bachelorette has begun, and though most of the guys look the same, there are a few that stand out just a bit - and then they get cut.

This season we're focusing on Jillian, who got ditched by icky Jason with the kid in the last season of the Bachelor. I think she wasn't even a finalist, but somehow she was chosen to be the Bachelorette. And Jillian is cute enough, but I don't know if she'd be as hot a commodity if she weren't on the show. Jeffy doesn't understand the appeal. As he was forced to watch some of the show he came up with this revelation: "The thing is she thinks she's hotter than she actually is." While perhaps dear Jeff this might be true, if I had 30 guys fawning over me I would probably think I was pretty hot myself.

So here's the problem with this year's show so far. First of all, there is TannerFoot Guy, who has thankfully been cut by this time. Tanner liked to fondle Jillian's feet and would rub them and virtually drool at the same time. He would take her to the hot tub just to see her naked feet. And then he would speak to the camera in all seriousness about how much he loved her feet. He didn't even try to hide his scary fetish from her in person, and she still kept him around. Every time he spoke I flinched.

The second problem with the show is Wes. Even though Wes essentially told Tanner Foot Guy that he has a girlfriend and he admitted to the guys he's on the show to promote his album, NO ONE TOLD JILLIAN. What the hell! Guys, you owe to Jillian to tell her the truth and then it's one less guy in your way. What is the problem here? Each of the guys seems to think that she'll just "figure it out" on her own. Well she hasn't! Girls are stupid stupid creatures when it comes to buff country singers crooning to them about how beautiful they are. Come one ladies, we know we can turn a blind eye if we like a guy, that's why we need our ladies to tell us what's up and to cut the dead weight.

In fact, Tanner Foot Guy informed Jillian a few episodes that one guy had a girlfriend. She quizzed all the guys and even kept Tanner Foot Guy an extra episode to come out with the truth. Even when he got cut he didn't reveal that Wes is the fake loser on the show. If this were any show on VH1 Wes would be out the door in a second flat and the other guys would toast to his inability to shut his damn mouth. Of course half of the guys go on those shows for fame instead of love, they just don't admit it.

According to the previews, Vanilla Jake, who was cut so that Lying Wes could stay, is going to return and tell Jillian the truth. Why didn't he just do it before he went home? Why are men so dense?

However, what I'm really looking forward to is the overnight dates when one of the guys can't get it up. Maybe Wes will stick around despite his girlfriend and bad country singing and he'll be the one that cant get his wee wee to work. It'd only be fair.

As for who I want to win? For some reason I like Reid...

Real World Cancun

2009-06-29T14:47:00.000-07:00

Eh... I feel another Real World Vegas coming on. Setting the show in Cancun gives MTV a chance to cast lots of nubile 18-year-olds who will be able to legally drink, though all of them are 21 but one.

All the gals look the same, how will I keep track?

I guess CJ is the hotty of the group, but he's not my type in the least. It also took him all of two hours to break up with his girlfriend at home. I like how he bragged about being a NFL free agent- that means he isn't good enough to actually be on a team. And the No. 4 punter in the country out of college probably doesn't even get drafted to a team in the first place. And the punters never get play. Oh and I see graduated from UMass. The No. 4 punter couldn't play at a real football school?

Two people already know each other - what, they couldn't find enough candidates?

Everyone thinks Jonna (pronounced John-ay) is hot. I don't quite see it, maybe with a bit less makeup? Emilee is clearly jealous though. Spelling the name with two "e's" at the end does not make it a unique name.

One fellow is named Bronne (pronounce Bronnie). Do people not know how to spell correctly? Don't get me started on the web winner Ayiiia-the third "i" clears up the pronunciation though.

It's not a good sign when the best I can do is make fun of their names.

Bubbies Bubbies Everywhere

2009-06-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

Somehow I blinked and the entire season of Real Housewives of New Jersey came and went. Don't get me wrong, I watched all those episodes, but i thought I had months to get my act together and blog - apparently not the case. Now I am forced to give you an introduction and a closing to the season all at once.

I think part of the reason I haven't mentioned the "goyls" of New Jersey yet is that I don't really like any of them. There is no addition to my circle of housewife friends in the group, though Ms. Danielle gave me a new person to despise. I don't dislike her as much as Kelly Bensimon or Sheree from Atlanta, mainly because I just feel sorry for her. She has a smoking bod, but her face looks like a cartoon. Her only friends are her children, who get to meet and bond with her 26-year-old balding boyfriend that visits the home for BJs. When they finally break up, Danielle assures her kids that the guy wants to be a part of their lives, but oldest child rolled her eyes simultaneously with me and my dog.

I read somewhere that this series originally began as some sort of mob family reality show. After the Housewives genre took off, the producers realized this could be smooshed into the same category with an instant following. While there are no direct references to the mob, everyone seems to pay for things in cash. Also, the matriarch of the family (though she is just one of the sisters) gets a german shepherd because she is "well-known." You don't train a dog to attack because you are well-known, you doit because you're afraid you'll get whacked.

I don't quite understand the relationship between all the gals, but I'll give it a go:

Dina and Caroline are sisters, and they happen to be married to brothers. Then, Jacquelyn is married to Dina and Caroline's brother. After that, Jacquelyn is friends with Danielle, though everyone else hates her, and Theresa is friends with everyone, but mainly she is friends with Dina and Caroline. Theresa seems to be the richest of them all, as she is building a monstrosity filled with marble and tile that she pays for completely in cash.

Now that you know how they're related, let us start the examination of their character. Since they have exposed their lives to Bravo for all to see, I am free to judge. In turn, they may judge my writing skills.

Let's start with Theresa, who originally I thought could join any spa/wine tasting events I plan for my Housewives that I am so fond of. I still probably like Theresa the best, but she has a bit of a meltdown in the finale that makes no sense. She also gets a "bubbie" job in the middle of the series after saying she didn't want one, and pushes her child into modeling/acting. It's quite cute that her three little adorable munchkins dress in matching accessories, but their rampage throughout a kids clothing store demanding everything on and off a hanger was a bit much. Perhaps she could benefit from reading Alex McCord's book? Theresa also claimed to dislike Danielle, but then invited her to everything that the girls did together.

On to Jacquelyn, who is undoubtedly the Deshawn character of the group, which means she isn't exciting enough and will be replaced before the next season. Jacquelyn's only point was to anguish over whether she should be Danielle's friend or take her sisters' side and cut off all ties with Danielle. Since it was never clear what on Earth Jacquelyn got from the friendship, I am forced to believe that Jacquelyn is just a little bug that likes to be stepped on. Jacquelyn also spent a lot of time whining about miscarriages and her daughter being a brat. I will admit that I have cried on an episode of Real Housewives before, I'm not too proud to say that a tear or two have been shed along the bumpy housewife ride. Unfortunately, I can't remember which episode - though I can assure you it had nothing to do with Gretchen's fake tears over her pretend boyfriend. Anyway, I never shed a tear for Jacquelyn, though Bravo desperately hoped I would.

Let's cover Dina and Caroline together, since Caroline reminded me in almost every preview that her family is "thick as thieves." Dina has a daughter that is actually quite charming and maybe if she isn't tainted could be a part of my inner Housewives circle. Dina is also married, though we never see her husband. I think Dina runs an interior design business, but it seems she spends more time just hanging out with her disgusting bald cat. Caroline has three children, including a nice looking slice who is in law school. The other two aren't interested in doing anything other than mooch off their parents.

Last, but not least, we have Danielle. Even though Danielle is cringe-worthy to watch, I don't believe she is mean-spirited or thinks she is better than anyone (unlike my arch-enemy Kelly). Instead, she is just on the road to Patheticville. She is so pinched and pulled and desperate for love I can't watch her. She is also not the sharpest pencil in the box. Danielle wants to be a part of the group so badly, but the others dislike her so it isn't going to happen. In the first or second episode she has a a blind date with a man she has been having phone sex with for months. The man stands her up (shocking), so she sits at the bar on her own sitting all prim and pursing her lips (cringe). At one point, Danielle tries to make peace with Dina and her approach is to throw her arms around her enemy and speak right into her face until Dina gives up.

The only real drama that occurs in this entire season revolves around a stupid book that was written about Danielle. Dina and Caroline find the book and show it to Jacquelyn and presumably others. In the book, Danielle is accused of kidnapping, drug trafficking, and all sorts of other things. Danielle is shunned by the group and the others on the show, even though she swears she was at the wrong place at the wrong time. In the finale, Danielle is invited to dine with the others at a party Theresa is hosting. Clearly, Danielle was only invited because Bravo stepped in and commanded that Theresa extend an invitation. Danielle shows up late to the party, and listens to Theresa regale the others with tales of her husband trying to mount her on the drive home from her bubbie surgery. Out of the blue, Danielle pulls out the book that has caused all the drama and places it on the table. She glances around and everyone is silent - because WHAT ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO SAY? Theresa demands the kids leave the table because sex stories are fine but a book they can't even read could cause problems.

Danielle seems to only be concerned with the fact that Dina told everyone about the book. Dina says she did not spread the word, and Caroline says that she is the one that showed everyone the book. Danielle won't accept this and continues to accuse Dina. Eventually, Dina admits she did tell everyone about the book and that's about it. Somehow Jacquelyn gets involved and takes Danielle's side because she knew all along that Dina was showing people the book. Why didn't Jacquelyn tell Danielle? Why did Caroline bother to say she showed the book to people? Why did Dina care about hiding the fact the showed everyone the book? Why does Danielle want to hang out with these people. Why do I care enough to ask so many questions?

As if the season wasn't annoying enough, the finale fizzled out in the same manner. I get it- they all hate Danielle. Did I need to sit through the season to see that?

I assume there will be a reunion, though I haven't seen ads for one yet. Perhaps it's pointless because how much more can they yell at Danielle? Or is it because no one gives a rat's ass about the stupid book.

Maybe young Albie could have his own show. That I might watch.

Bring on the Real Housewives of DC!

Branden Really is Super

2009-06-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

Since ANTM let me down with the worst pick in ANTM history, it was comforting to know before watching the Make Me a Supermodel finale that they couldn't really go wrong. Down to the final three guys, I was really fond of every one of them winning, though my heart belongs to Branden in the end. And guess who took the title of the super-ist of them all - my boy Branden!!

The finale itself was the usual snooze-fest filled with the three finalists amazed at the fact that they've actually made it this far! There were some montages of each of their past high points and low points, all of which I'd seen already and happily zipped through. I can't express enough how much I love my DVR. There were visits from family members and an art show with all of their photos, none of which I cared to watch. Heart of stone I tell you.

There were two challenges in the end, one where a photographer took huge photos of each guy with some odd camera that takes five minutes and only makes photos that are huge. Each one of the guys did a nice job, solidifying the fact I was fond of all three. To be honest, Jonathan somehow became a bit whiney, and I secretly hoped that he wouldn't end up with the all-important nomicker of "supermodel."

In the second challenge, the guys got to meet with Cosmo to do a faux cover shoot. Branden strapped on his cutie smile/scowl and the editors went nuts. Jonathan was a bit stiff, and Sandhurst was asked to take his shirt off. Though one of the editors, a wee little thing, seemed to think there was no need for Sandhurst to remove clothing, the leering photographer insisted. Certainly awkward for the rest of the world to observe. It was refreshing to see someone other then Ann Shoket from Seventeen.

After one last runway walk, the guys stood in front of the judges and answered questions asked of them. Branden was asked something about growing up without a dad, and the poor guy teared up. He walked away from the judges, and Sanhurst went over to help give him strength. Jonathan went over, too, but it seemed like only because Sandhurst went first. Also, the judges didn't mind the crying, though when Amanda cried she got reemed. Tyson and Nicole said some useless thing about the guys, though Nicole did say she'd give Branden her phone number if he wins. Well guess what, I'd have given him mine without a win - so there.

The judges deliberated (more forwarding), and the winner was revealed. Jonathan came in third place and was sent to the couch as Tyson stared at Sandhurst and Branden. In the end, Sandhurst was sent home and Branden was crowned the winner. Jonathan had the body for sure, Sandhurst had the abs and the personality, but Branden had it all. Finally, a model show makes the right choice. Congrats Branden!

Make Me Super

2009-05-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

I have been secretly watching Make Me a Supermodel on Bravo, and now that ANTM has ended for the season I feel I can be more open about my affection for this show as well. ANTM will always be my first love, but I enjoy a good episode of MMAS any day. Actually, I was going to forgo this series, but a weekend marathon (damn you Bravo) got me hooked, and now that my reality shows are withering away for the summer it's nice to have another option.

Last night, Jeff asked me a very interesting and deep questions. We were sitting in front of our new baby, a monstrous 42-inch Samsung, and he was polite enough to allow me to watch my show. He is on summer break and has been treated to a plethora of awesome TV during his time off. As we watched the monster, Jeff asked "so what's the difference between the models on this show and the ones on ANTM." Good question!

First of all, there are dudes on MMAS. Not just dudes, but well-built, muscular, bony-jawed HOT guys! The gals and guys compete against each other as a whole, which I rather enjoy. Secondly, those on MMAS are not required to have personalities. Half of the people chosen for the show would be gone in a heartbeat if Tyra were in charge. Another difference is there really aren't any plus-sizers slipping through. While Salome -pronounced like salami, but the second "a" sounds like an oh - was a bit on the fuller size, she was only about a Big Mac away from being rail thin. Lastly, the MMAS models are a bit more avant-garde and runway ready than the ANTM girls, who tend to fit in nicely in a cover girl ad or catalog. Now that we have that all clear, let's move on the finalists.

All of the women have been eliminated, and rightly so. Jordan was the only one that I thought had a chance, other than Kerryn, who was eliminated weeks ago. I think the finale might be next week, and our remaining contestants are English Hotty Jonathan, Thunder Thighs Sandhurst and Momma's boy Branden. All of these delightful specimens are fabulous and I wouldn't be upset about any of them winning.

My personal favorite is sweet little Branden. He is just so lovely and perfectly my type. I just ignore the fact that he is 18. Sandhurst is Jeff's favorite, but I think his height and "thunder thighs" will be a problem in the end. Jonathan is also handsome and comes equipped with a sexy accent. I can't really think of any huge flaws with him, and thus he will take the cake in the end.

If i were stuck on an island and could only bring one show with me, it would have to be ANTM. I enjoy MMAS, especially thanks to the rippling abs on display, but it just isn't as entertaining as Tyra's antics and Jay Manuel's artistic direction. The photo shoots aren't nearly as entertaining and the drama isn't quite there. You'd think mixing the genders would result in some exciting scenes, but the most we got was boring Amanda's weird annoying fling with the personality-less Gabe.

I did watch the show last season as well, but I somehow managed to forget about it and missed the finale. Last year was a bit different, and America voted for the winner. I like the new version better, because obviously America cannot be trusted. Also new this year is that winners of photo shoots are sent to "go-sees" - which we know oh-so-well from ANTM - but I'm pretty sure no one actually booked one job. What does this tell you for the future of these "super" models?

On last night's episode, we were greeted with a video from Holly. last year's winner. I had thought Shannon was the winner, since I keep seeing her on other Bravo shows, but I guess Holly was the actual winner. It's a shame Bravo couldn't afford to actually fly her out to talk to the models, but I suppose the less we hear her squeaky voice the better. Speaking of annoying voices, Tyson now has a sidekick: Nicole Trunfio. I have never heard of this lass before, but that doesn't really say much. She is gorgeous for sure, and Branden has a crush on her, but she needs to work on annunciating and not speaking through her nose. Also, a little emotion and expression as you talk never hurt anyone. Tyson is also just a straight-on mentor and not a judge. This is fine with me, Tyson could poop on the camera and I'd still love him.

There is much to say about the contestants that are no longer with us. Colin/Clark Kent had so much potential but didn't know how to use it. Amanda could've done well on ANTM if she had a personality, and I celebrated when Solome left so I wouldn't have to hear about her Mennonite past one more time.

As the end approaches, I will root for Branden and then watch Jonathan win. Unlike the recent season of ANTM, I will applaud any of the three men who could take the crown and go on to... well go on to appear on a TV screen near the end of season 3.

Worst ANTM Winner Ever

2009-05-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

That's right, I said it. I'm angry. I'm sure Teyona is a nice girl and everything, but ANTM winner she is not. I take that back, I have no indication that Tayona is a nice girl because she didn't really have a personality the entire series. Didn't get anything from her - nothing.

I will admit that she knew how to take some nice pictures. For example, this one is really lovely. Perhaps yellow is her color? On the whole, her pictures all looked similar, and honestly none of them blew me away. But she kept winning and winning week to week.

In person, a model Teyona is not. Take a look at the photo up at the top. That's her on the left with a huge, gummy smile and eyes that disappear. Her face is rather long and reminiscent of Egyptian art, and it only seems to work when Teyone is being photographed.

When we got down to the final two of Alison and Teyona (Aminat just couldn't take a picture), I thought maybe Alison had a chance. She figure out how to walk no the runway and her commercial was cute. Teyona forgot all the words, so again I thought maybe the season could end without me being too upset. After all, Celia (all the way on the right up top) did get sent home. Phew.

In the end, Teyona did win. Last season's winner McKey isn't the best and speaking her lines, but no one can dispute her looks. She really is gorgeous and has learned to come into her own beauty. I still have an issue with her posture, but baby steps.

The season on a whole was disappointing. The two pretty girls were sent home way too early, and we were left with normal girls that could sort of look pretty sometimes, or girls that were just weird. I understand Tyra is altering her made up vision of what America's Next Top Model is, but I still can't see how Teyona fits into that image in any way shape or form. I could say that I will never watch ANTM again, but that would be a lie. I'm anxious to see how the "short" season will go, and perhaps next Tyra will offer up a "fat" season with girls that all wear *gasp* a size 6.

Congrats to you, Teyona. I'm sorry I don't believe you deserve it at all. In my world, Alison is the winner. Good luck with your commercials that I never watch because ANTM is always DVRed in my house. At least Alison might have a chance at a real career now.

Oh Kelly, How I Love to Hate You

2009-05-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

I watched the first part of the RHONYC reunion last night and my ladies did not disappoint. From crazy eyes Ramona to Kelly's inability to string together coherent thoughts I was left eagerly awaiting part two that will air Thursday.

First off, I'd like to share that I love Andy Cohen. And, as Amy pointed out, he is a member of my tribe so lucky me! I've watched about 10 of these reunions and never noticed his name before, but this time I paid attention.

I don't even know where to begin. Bethenny, who looked adorable in her little green dress that was too short but revealed barely any cellulite was as charming as usual. She and Jill held hands as they were attacked by either Ramona, Alex or Kelly, assuring me that their friendship is not manufactured. I earned more respect for Jill this season and would happily welcome her into my friendship with Bethenny, Nene and Tamra.

The Countess confirmed that her husband is no more and that she will be able to keep her title. Phew. Though the Countess was annoying throughout the season, I thought she composed herself nicely at the reunion. She should've dropped the whole Ramona calling her husband old because he is OLD. Get over it.

Alex didn't say much and her lipstick seemed the wrong color and her hair seemed more dry and awry as usual. She said something about being a consultant somewhere now that she was laid off in February. I had no idea what she did before, so good for her. Even though Ramona insulted her throughout the whole season, Alex was more insistent on yelling at Bethenny for her humorous quips and digs. I think Alex was hurt that Bethenny got so much screen time. And where was Simon? What a surprise he didn't crash the party, perhaps for round two. Also, Alex confirmed she is writing a book about parenting. Thankfully, that book will cover the experience of being a parent, not actually how to parent since Francois and Johan aren't the most well behaved boys. I'm also sure they'll have no trouble in life with those names that just scream "please beat me up on the monkey bars," especially if the other kids find pictures of their mommy without panties on the Interweb.

Crazy eyes Ramona seemed a little too worked up over things, but she is easy to ignore because she just never makes sense. Also, I believe on the whole she is harmless. Jill was able to get Ramona to admit a few times that she hadn't been entirely correct about dates, events, etc. - something we all knew without Jill forcing it out of her.

On to Kelly. She did manage to close her mouth a few times, making her appear much more attractive than she did in the season. She did not, however, endear herself to anyone and it is clear that the rest of the cast now feels the same way as Bethenny. When asked about her current tussle with the law, Kelly responded with gibberish about how she's worked hard for her name and to build a brand. She said something about a younger man and went on and on about police, the Post, etc. She also started crying about lord knows what. Amy says she was "basically fake crying about being fake famous."

Essentially, Kelly was saying the assault never happened, but it's not clear. Then, she said my favorite line of the night: The grass isn't always greener on the other side, no matter how much fertilizer you have. I literally had no clue what she was saying. I hadn't realized that she truly believes that the housewives and the rest of the world are just jealous of her. Us poor civilians have nothing to do but WISH we could be as mean and rude as Kelly, and maybe if we were lucky we could sound as ignorant as her as well?

Sadly, Bethenny mentioned AGAIN that night at Tommy Hilfeger's party and how Kelly ignored her. Bethenny needs to move on from that because she's making it sound like she wishes she had fertilizer. There are many other reasons she should hate Kelly, so I hope she brings them up next week.

We also learned that Kelly has a name between Kelly and Bensimon, but no one cares. And, she is being accused of stealing the owl designs we saw in the episode where she brags that she makes jewelry. Again, Kelly did not seem to deny these allegations, but instead spewed whispery chirps about people wishing they could do half as much as she does.

As things heated up a tad with Ramona seeming to be the target (why isn't it Kelly?), Andy interrupted the ladies and said we must wait until Thursday to see the rest of the fights. Please, Andy, bring me a Kelly and Bethenny knock down drag out yelling match. Or rather, have Kelly yell and scream and whine while Bethenny calmly watches Kelly melt into an idiotic oblivion. Usually, I feel sort of bad for insulting reality stars, but Kelly is far from real, so all guilt is removed.

To see a transcript of all the fights click here.

Sexy Can I? No!

2009-05-06T14:49:00.001-07:00

Apparently Tila Tequila just announced on her My Space that she is officially dating Ray J. This comes about a week after the reunion of his very own For the Love Of show to find a girl that would take their relationship to the next level. A "real" girl that wants a commitment and isn't just a party girl and is different from any skank he's dated before - and now hes dating Tila Tequila? What happened to Cocktail? They couldn't have waited at least one more week to reveal their newfound love?

Any ounce of affection I felt for Ray J after he proved to be somewhat charming on his show is completely gone. I even saw his stupid video on at the gym this morning and did not change the channel even though "Sexy Can I," makes absolutely no sense and sort of annoys me. Fear not, Tila, I will never listen to that stupid song again. Cocktail, doll, if you need someone to take you out for martinis to mend your broken heart I'm here for you - even if your face looks sort of odd without makeup.

I know these shows aren't real, I really do. But at LEAST wait until the credits officially roll before proving to the world that it's all just a sham. Let us have the chance to fool ourselves into believing that washed up and soon to be washed up celebs can find love in an everyday girl, too.

Mayammee Wins the Money!

2009-05-06T13:31:00.000-07:00

I've also learned that I've been spelling her name wrong this whole time. Oops. Now I've got it right: Mayammee is the winner of I Love Money 2 and I couldn't be happier.

With just It, Tailor Made, Mayammee, Saaphyri and Prancer left, the last challenge required the cast members to walk across a skinny beam and remove suitcases from the beam that would fall to the rocks below. This time around, the Dead Last Loser will have to leave right after the challenge, and the winner is guaranteed a spot in the final challenge.

Mayammee wins the challenge and It scrapes just ahead of Saaphyri, who is FINALLY SENT HOME. Of all the remaining people Saaphyri was the only one I absolutely did not want to win and my wish was granted as her screechy voice was sent home. It gave her a hug goodbye and tweaked her little tushy, which was kind of cute. I'm a bit of a sucker for love so I like the little lovefests that end up happening on shows like these where they're not put there with the intention of creating a fake romance. I don' think any of these couples have ever lasted.

In the final power outing, Mayammee is paymaster and gets to decide who to send home. The decision seems kind of obvious since Prancer totally turned on the other three who have Prancer cries and thinks she deserves to go on because she worked so hard. She did work hard, and she also screwed over a bunch of people. It tries to string together a few words and fails, and Tailor Made just points out that he has had her back the whole time. Easy decision. VH1 draws out the process for a long time making it seem like she can't decide - then she sends home Prancer. Now It, Tailor Made and Mayammee have to compete in the final challenge.

On the bus ride over, It already starts to make more sense when speaking. The other two are a tad worried that maybe he has been faking it the whole time, and I'm waiting for him to bust out. In the first part of the challenge, It kicks butt and has a head start. He says his eloquent speech about kicking ass, then gets lost in the jungle. Mystery solved, he really is an idiot. Mayammee pulls ahead and then gets a bit confused on the question answer portion where she has to remember who went home and what else happened in that elimination. I would have a tough time with that, too. Don't think I could've answered any of those questions. Tailor Made starts to approach and I realize that I would prefer that he didn't win, either. He's still a slimebucket. Mayammee finally gets all the questions right and freaks out a bit, but I guess I'd be excited about winning the dough.

Why do I love Mayammee so much? Jasi used to always say I tend to love the attention whores, so maybe that is why? She doesn't have much of a personality, but she is just so pretty. She does walk around in lingerie, so that would point her in the direction whore category. She played the game well and in the end she won, maybe that's why I like her? In the last leg of the final challenge Mayammee made a comment about how on the first day she did everything she could to not get her hair wet, and this time around she just jumped in and didn't care. You see? She's grown and learned.

Reunion next week, which can either be the best or worst part of the series. Goodbye I Love Money 2, luckily I have Charm School to entertain me from now on. And, I might have accidentally caught an episode of Daisy of Love, or For the Love of Daisy, whatever it's called. Why on Earth is 12 Pack on that show?

Gimme Gimme Gimme

2009-04-29T14:29:00.001-07:00

To all three of my loyal readers out there, I am training for a half marathon to support New Beginnings Shih Tzu Rescue & Friends. Can you imagine if I actually had to watch these crappy shows without my faithful pooch?

Is He Faking It?

2009-04-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

I haven't commented on I Love Money 2 recently, because it hasn't been all that interesting. There are the two different alliances that are sort of crumbling as people realize they're going to be on their own soon. There are no more teams, so everyone is out for themselves. Prancer hopped over to the other side when she realized if she didn't lick Saaphyri all over then she would be going home. Saaphyri likes being licked and so she kept Prancer around and sent Ice home. During the preview for the next episode, it appears as if It might actually make a move instead of just drooling and mumbling.

Sadly, It didn't do much of anything, except end up in the box as the Dead Last Loser and vote against his cuddle buddy Saaphyri. The challenge has something to do with running around wearing balloon boobies. Prancer, though injured in the last episode, ends up winning and becomes Paymaster. Angelique comes really close to beating her, but is just a hair shy and complains about not understanding the challenge. With It is the Dead Last Loser, Tailor Made and Mayamee have to scramble because Prancer isn't on their side anymore and will wipe Saaphyri's butt if she were to ask.

Saaphyri tells It not to vote for her, and at first he agrees, but then Tailor Made somehow convinces him it's a good idea. It switches sides and votes with his lover, then he can get Mayamee in the box and he's safe no matter what. Or, he can get Tailor Made in the box, also resulting in his safety. Prancer has been gunning for the guys to go home from the start, so it would behoove It to make a real move and switch. Or, he should just not vote for anyone and then it'll be deadlocked and then Prancer can come in and pick the two people to go in the box. Why is this so challenging to figure out? I would KILL on this show.

Anyway, It votes for his woman, who doesn't really seem that pissed, and she and Angelique are in the box. Angelique is mad and wants to quit, but her dear friend Saaphyri needs Frenchie to save herself and convinces Franchie to stay and give it a go.

In the end, Prancer does send home Frenchie because she thinks Frenchie is actually strong and could beat her in a challenge. Frenchie had ONE good challenge, just one. She is true to her word and would've helped Prancer in the end. It, on the other hand, is clearly on the other side. Prancer keeps It because she thinks he is a loser and weak and she can beat him. But- is he really? Or is It all a sham!

In the preview for the finale (with five people left??) It starts to come out of his haze of whatever and speak in a normal voice. He makes it sound like he's going to bust out and says he's ready to "kick some ass." If this is true then that is AWESOME! However, I find it hard to believe he's just faking being mentally challenged for the whole season, in addition to when he was on Rock of Whatever. He was an idiot there and he's an idiot now. Maybe it's all an act that will launch his acting career, but if so he needs to do other characters. Really Frenchie has been my favorite of the season, though I do have some sort of weird gal crush on Mayamee. If It pulls off the mask and comes clean and takes the finale, then I'll jump aboard the It train. Sadly, I do think he's really just a weirdo. I wish I knew what he saw in Saaphyri though...

Alright, I just took a look at It's bio. First of all, he wanted to be a speech therapist? That implies he either has a speech problem (which he appears to have on the show) or he just wants to help, meaning he could be a decent guy. Also, his favorite shows according to the site are: law and order, 48hrs homicide, documentaries. Written in just that manner. True he didn't have the energy to capitalize those titles, but those are not shows watched by dummies! You'll see I never discuss any of those shows - which is a good thing for them.

Finale next week!

Complainers Never Win, Either

2009-04-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

When are the ladies on ANTM going to learn? Celia did manage to escape elmination even though she snitched, but I have a hard time believing she'll win thanks to that episode. The fact that she looks slightly cross-eyed doesn't help either. , however, hasn't learned from past seasons and her complaining got her sent home. It wasn't the complaining actually, but what I like to call the Blame Game.

Gals who do not take responsibility for their crappy photos just aren't going to make it to the end. And blaming Jay Manuel? Girl, you must be crazy. I wish every day that Jay Manuel was the art director for my life, because that man can do know wrong.

Here's what happened, the gals had to pose in an image inspired by Carmen Miranda. Though the girls were given fruit hats and told to camp it up a tad, no one seemed to understand what Mr. Jay wanted. Then, it seems what Mr. Jay wanted wasn't what Tyra wanted, and so basically everyone had a crappy shot. Alison won by default, and because her cartoon face made the shot work.

Natalie had been complaining about everything throughout the whole show, capping it off with noting that Brasil, "isn't that great." The girls already feel she is a snot, so it was obvious she was on the outs. Natalie really is the most model-y of them all, but her 'tude did sort of suck. In the photo shoot, Mr. Jay did remark over and over that she was doing great. So when Natalie got to panel and they said her pictures were all the same, (for some reason they're not on the site) she informed them that Mr. Jay said she was doing great and so she saw no reason to do anything else. Tyra had a hard time believing Mr. Jay wouldn't tell her to switch it up, but Natalie insisted her told her not to move! That was the nail in her coffin - bye bye Nat!

Luckily, my gal Fo is still left in the game, because as I noted a few posts ago I would have no one left to root for if she leaves. This espisode, Fo actually won the challenge, which meant she received 50% more frames, and could take them from whomever she wished. Since Teyona has been somehow taking good pictures and didn't pick Fo when she won the last challenge, Fo decided to take the shots from Teyona. Of course Teyona got mad and bitchy and she and Amit talked a poop-storm behind Fo's back. Teyona, she has to take the frames from someone. The show required her to do it for drama sake so GET OVER YOURSELF. It means you're a threat. Everyone LOVES to be a threat.

I understand Teyona less than I understand Celia. Her pics are OK, but man does she look like a skinny little something in person. Celia also was slightly endearing in the clip show last week where they show a whole different side to some of the models. I do like how every time Celia walks to accept her picture she does a little catwalk stride. I just wish she wasn't a snitch, and that her eyes weren't weird.

Down to 5! Only one I haven't mentioned is Aminat. She has lovely skin and a lovely face- can't take pictures. She's out next.

What's With the Headbands?

2009-04-16T12:57:00.000-07:00

Last night's episode of ANTM was somewhat snooze-inducing, and also made me horribly uncomfortable at many times. What you need to know first is that suddenly-fatty London went home. Alison finally figured out how to sort of make her face move, so it came down to Aminat, who has never had a good photo since the show began, and London, who pointed out that she packed on 10-15 pound since joining the show. Though Tyra and the others insist that London was sent home because she can't take a photo, of course we know the truth. While her weight was mentioned by both Tyra and Mr. Jay, no one would come out and say "the plus-size model won last time honey, it is not happening again." Aminat will head to Brazil and London must go home and figure out why Jesus didn't want her to win.

As you can tell, I was never really a fan of London's, and it has nothing to do with the weight gain. Though while we're on the topic, how is it that you can gain 15 pounds in about a month when you are surrounded by 12 girls that are toothpicks? I understand people take on stress in different ways, but I would think that if anything she'd be embarrassed to eat too much in front of the others. Who could forget Anchal and her six eggs? Additionally, who the hell is in charge of their food? Wouldn't someone say something if she were bringing home chips and cupcakes from their trips to the store we never seen. Also, this is a competition (in case you haven't heard them mention that a million times). Why would you think you can relax at all when it comes to watching what you eat and working out. London claimed to be a street preacher that believed Jesus guided her through life and wanted to spread the word. Jesus couldn't help her put down the cookies? Five pounds our so I can forgive, but 10-15 means someone stopped caring all together and they deserved to go home.

The real problem I have with London is those stupid headbands. Natalie seems to be sporting them as well. If you remember correctly, in Cycle 10 Amis, who went by Amis because another girl on the show had her same name and that's what she came up with, basically got kicked off the show for having those idiotic headbands that don't actually do anything. I'm not opposed to headbands, really I'm not. I think they're very helpful when keeping hair out of your face for whatever reason, which is why I really don't understand brushing your hair down your forehead and plopping one on the top. Last night not only was London wearing one AT panel, but Natalie was sporting a similar due. Two cycles ago a girl gets sent home for sporting such a thing, and now it's just ignored. When did this become OK? Please let me know.

I didn't even get into Ciara being on the show. I thought Aminat was trying to attack her when she walked in. Ciara is absolutely gorgeous, but a little personality would have been nice. And why wasn't she filling in on the panel like Clay Aiken did last week. That's right, Clay Aiken was on the show. Why do I bother? I'm doing it for Fo.

How do I Continue With No One to Root For?

2009-04-14T14:43:00.001-07:00

I still love ANTM and I always will, but I'm having a hard time this season, because I truly don't like any of the remaining "models."

I noticed last week that the CW aired one of those clippy shows, which means we are about halfway through. I suddenly realized that here we are closer to the trip overseas and I have no one to root for. Perhaps my utter hatred for the tattletale Celia can get me through, but it's always nice to have someone to hope will take the cake. It took a while, but Analeigh won my heart last season and I was crushed when she lost. No one seems close to taking my heart this time around, so I'm at a loss. The actual pretty girls were cut long ago, and now we're left with the weirdos and drama starters.

Just last week, Tahlia was let go because her interesting scars weren't enough to bring out her personality. She does have a great face, but ultimately we knew she was too voluptuous to stick around and her personality just had too far to go. I was a tad surprised, because I thought that Alison was going to be the one let go. Usually you can't make it seven episodes with all of your pictures looking the same. I can't imagine she'll stay much longer.

You already know how I feel about Celia, and though London isn't nearly as bad, she annoys me in a while different way. She is also starting to pack on the pounds, which means she won't be around much longer either. I still think they screwed up her hair cut. I don't have a personal problem with Tayona, but wow she does not look attractive in person. Her photos are fine, but I don't get the appeal. Sadly, Aminat seems almost interesting, but she has no idea how to model.

This leaves us with Natalie and Pho, unless I've forgotten someone. If I have overlooked a model, then they're going to go home soon for not standing out in any way. Natalie is the one that they all hate, and I think she gets a bid of a bad rap, but the one they all hate never wins. Also, she does seem a bit too happy with herself.

There you have it! By process of elimination I will now be rooting for Pho, who apparently actually goes by Fo, something I should take note of now that I will be rooting for her. It was rather annoying that she cried over her hair, but I can't say I wouldn't have a similar reaction. In fact, in the beginning I think I credited Fo as a fave, so it all makes sense.

I feel so much better now that I have a target! Let's go Fo - now watch her get cut this week.

The Season that Could've Been Cool But Wasn't

2009-04-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

I've finally finished watching the last few episodes of Real World Brooklyn that were hogging up precious space on my DVR. While some seasons I got angry and had no idea why I bothered taping this drivel week after week, this season I just sort of fast forwarded through most of it. I have to admit that part of the appeal was that I grew a nice little crush for Ryan, and part of it was because I was waiting for something to actually happen! We've got a mormon virgin, a transgendered person a military man and a dancer with anxiety attacks - what could possibly happen next? I'll tell you what, pranks.

Yes folks, this season spent many an episode on the pranks that the housemates pulled on each other and the reactions that ensued. The guys loved to cause pranks but clearly couldn't take them and would get pissed with the girls actually tried. I'm not kidding in that almost every episode spent a good 20 minutes concentrating on these stupid pranks that no one cared about.

In the last episode, the girls finally pulled some pranks on the guys. JD watched them, and they asked that he didn't reveal whodunnit. The guys immediately blame JD for pouring soap in their milk and milk in their clothes, and JD immediately says the girls did it. The girls are mad that JD betrayed them and insist they are innocent. This is the LAST episode and this is the only thing that occurs. Finally, JD starts to cry because no one believes him and then Chet decides JD is telling the truth. Now the guys can yell freely at the girls. They're not mad about being pranked, oh no! They're mad that the girls lied. The next morning Ryan sings his tampon song and all is forgotten. Hugs all around as cabs pull up and I hit fast forward.

The finale had a few sparks when Katelynn would not retract her statement that JD had no soul, but other than that it was another snoozefest. Ryan surprises the crew and shows up, though everyone thought he wouldn't be able to make it. Iraq deployment is just a week away so he appears in army fatigues with a cute haircut that makes his eyes look a lovely shade of blue. When he arrives Baya runs at him full speed and wraps her legs around him. Then when the blank but hot host indicated two of the castmembers are dating, my heart sinks as I know what is coming up later.

Chet essentially admits his love for Ryan, Katelynn is mad that Ryan asked too many questions about her operation even though he told her he'd stop whenever he went to far, Baya is now recording music and Devyn is also working on her singing. Scott had about as much to say as he ever did on the show and Baya revealed that she has anxiety that was never displayed on any episodes. In fact, many noticed that Baya didn't get much screen time and perhaps it is because she wasn't interesting in the least.

And so it comes out that Ryan and Baya are now "something" because they can't be dating now that he is being shipped to Iraq. Devyn, Scott and Baya all live together to make their dreams come true, the reason why they did the Real World in the first place, and when Ryan breezes through town he sleeps in Baya's bed, or something like that. It was obvious the second Ryan opened his mouth and strummed his guitar and Baya gazed at him lovingly that she wanted to jump his bones. It's a shame that Ryan waited until after the show to break up with Michelle/Belle because he could've shtupped Baya along with a bunch of groupies while he was on the show. Now he actually has to sort of date her.

I must admit I didn't finish the reunion special. I had to leave and my efforts to fast forward through the lame flashbacks did not help me complete the episode in time. Part of me wants to just delete the crap even if it means I won't get to see Ryan's little face again, but I'm guessing he will appear on many Real World/Road Rules challenges after he gets back from Iraq and then I can see him then. Maybe they'll have some bloopers in there in the last five minutes, so I'll give it a chance and report if anything actually occurs.

Lastly, I do feel bad for saying this and not just because it's my darling Ryan, but can you imagine how happy MTV would be if Ryan is injured in Iraq or even worse? They would hit the jackpot! They can make another low-budget movie called Ryan's Story (ala Pedro's Story) and show it to Season 40 of the Real World in about five years. Why do you think they picked him in the first place? The second he got the call that he had to go back three producers in an MTV office cheered at ther uncanny luck.

So stick it to the MTV suits and come back safely Ryan. Then dump Baya and give me a call.

The Heck Happened to Making the Band?

2009-04-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

I know that plenty of people have hated Making the Band since day one. I'm not talking about the original Making the Band with O-Town or whatever, but the Making the Bands that Puff, Puff Daddy P. Diddy presided over.

I watched a few of the episodes from the first Diddy season where he put together the weird rapping/singing conglomerate known as Da Band, but I couldn't even understand what everyone was saying as they yelled at each other so I stopped bothering. Then, Da Band fell apart and Diddy decided to start all over again with what was known as Making the Band 3.

I am not afraid to say that I saw every episode of Making the Band 3 and I might've teared up a little when Aundrea and Aubrey had a crying session in one episode and claimed they couldn't have gone through the process without one another. These were girls really longing for a dream and willing to do anything to make it come true. It took two seasons to bring together Danity Kane, as Aundrea, Aubrey and some other person who didn't actually make the band were the only ones the first time around that Diddy thought had the potential. After the second go he found Dawn, Shannon and D-Woods and Danity Kane was born!

Making the Band 3 became a little snooze-tastic after the band was formed and the girls started hanging out and touring, but for some reason I was still hooked and a few of their tunes have indeed made it onto my iPod.

After the girls got dull, Diddy decided to make a new band filled with guys, which would later be known as Day 26. Though the dude drama wasn't as interesting as what the ladies had to go through, I still enjoyed watching. There was Big Mike who had to lose weight to be considered a ladies man, as well as cutie Q and eye-candy Will. I think the appeal of these shows is that you pick a person (character) that you like and hope for them to make it into the band. In the end I was pleased with Diddy's choices, though I wasn't so sure about giving Donnie Klang a solo career.

Now that the bands were formed and all they had to tour, last season was all about just that. The episodes dragged a bit and of course I fast-forwarded through the actual concert footage, but it was still fun to watch everyone interact. Q and Dawn started a romance and Aubrey scared the crap out of Donnie. Diddy and Aubrey (who drifted towards this look) also got into some scuffles over the fact that she wasn't supposed to be Pam Anderson but that was the way Diddy saw her heading. I've always liked Aubrey, but when you're in Diddy's group you do what Diddy says! I also slowly began to appreciate the appeal of the lovely Shannon.

At the end of last season, all hell broke loose and Diddy kicked Aubrey and D Woods out of the band. While I did notice some tension surrounding the "look at me" stylings of Aubrey, there was no way to know this was coming because the editors made it seem like nothing was wrong. Why would they skip all this juicy drama that led up to such an event? Diddy pointed out that Aubrey and Aundrea don't even talk to each other, ever! I noticed they weren't friends, but who knew the extent. Perhaps they wanted the finale to be a shock, but it came out of nowhere.

The current season of Making the Band is utterly unwatchable. Aundrea and Dawn are the only members of Danity Kane remaining, and Ms. Aundrea could use the help of a treadmill. Yes, I am judging. Shannon isn't officially out, but due to legal issues she won't be on camera. The guys are trying to record their new album, but Q has turned into a little b**** and making things difficult for everyone. I think that Dawn and Q have broken up, but no one will discuss the topic. Donnie is constantly worried about "losing his dream" and I'm tired of seeing him grind on the same backup dancers and sing the same songs over and over again. And what is up with all the stupid hats? I haven't been able to find any photos, but I'm on the lookout. Robert, specifically, is wearing the most idotic looking hat that looks like a poof ball mohawk with ear flaps. I think they each got one or they're just passing around his.

Really the problem is Q. I'm sorry buddy, I liked you in the beginning. You were my favorite. I saw in the previews for next week that Robert refers to you as Aubrey, and I agree. Who do you think you are? I'm tired of these people not appreciating that they are lucky and are getting opportunities that millions would kill for. For some reason Q now thinks he's better than everyone else. Kick him out now.

Also, Diddy, the show has lost its luster. Day 26 can still make albums for screaming teenagers, but Danity Kane is not the same without Aubrey. D Woods faded into the background so she won't be missed, but we need saucy little Aubrey to make it happen. Just give up on the show and start concentrating on the music. Isn't that what you pretended this was about in the first place??

Team Bethany!

2009-04-02T10:53:00.001-07:00

I think it's quite clear from my last post that I'm not a fan of the new housewife, Kelly Bensimon. I had gotten over her use of the word "cute," but when you mess with Bethany, you mess with me.

I understand that Kelly was a bit put off by the way Bethany acted at the arthritis charity meeting. Bethany could've put a sock in it and didn't need to make snotty comments to the woman beside her, but that's how Bethany rolls and that's why I love her. Even Bethany knew she was a bit harsh and would've apologized... but that was before Kelly went nutso.

After telling Ramona not to obsess about Simon, Kelly went on to obsess about Bethany for the rest of the show. Unable to get past being insulted and referred to as a "no" person, Kelly had Bethany meet her at a loud saloon.

Kelly arrived at the meeting half an hour late, then proceeded to tell Bethany that they're not friends and they never will be. She also informed Bethany that she's better and then when Bethany calmly responded, Kelly started to really go off the deep end. Kelly was angry about the way Bethany "is," but when asked what that meant told Bethany "oh, you know." Kelly wanted Bethany to go off the handle, but instead Bethany calmly listened and tried not to laugh. Score 12 for Ms. B.

Bethany even admitted to the camera that she would've apologized to Kelly if she said she felt hurt, but obviously that wasn't the right approach after being verbally attacked by hurricane weirdo.

Later, Kelly described the incident to the Countess (who is going to lose her title soon!), and even the stuck-up LuAnn informed Kelly that she might not have approached the situation in the right way.

After Kelly confronted Bethany she headed off to a date with a smarmy Italian man half her age and proceeded to talk to him about - you guessed it: Bethany!

Kelly. Is. Delusional.

The rest of this episode was devoted to Mario and Ramona fighting with everyone. First they fight with Jill over that stupid tennis game. No one cares! And Mario, don't yell at a lady. Ramona and her man also fought with Alex and Simon, because it seems Ramona invited Alex and Simon to a party the same day that a nude picture of Alex surfaced. Mario and Ramona felt that this information should have been provided before the event. I have no idea why. I used to like Mario, but I guess he'd have to be weird to marry crazy eyes. This might be the only time I'll ever side with Alex and Simon.

Kelly Bensimon Does Not Do Charity

2009-03-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

Thank you for asking though. She will come to your little meeting so that she can be on TV but she will not do something that is a waste of time like charity. She'll say that its "cute" that your adorable 14-year-old has arthritis. You know, the disease that usually gets people that are old. So those people feel a lot of pain, but not for long. This is a pain your dear daughter will have to deal with her whole life. That's certainly not cute.

She has time for a quick meeting, but she will not do anything. She will not even lend her name to your cause. Do you know how easy that would be for her, but she will not do it for anyone. She will write for Page 6 and be photographed everywhere and be on TV for her own career. But she will NOT give her name to your cute little cause.

I now have a new least-favorite housewife.

Snitches Never Win

2009-03-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm squishing together two eps of ANTM since I was so negligent last week. I can't even keep up with my very favorite show? Shame on me.

Luckily, last week's episode wasn't very interesting, so it should go quickly. Poor Miss. Nijah went home because she is is pretty and not model pretty. As I predicted from the start, Nijah and Jessica can't possible be models because they are good-looking girls. I hope they dash off to have real careers now. The photo shoot for this episode was a little bland. The ladies had to do a shot with other girls and they pretended to be tourists. Yawn.

This week's episode was shaping up to be similar in terms of dullsville. There wasn't a lot of drama, except for the fact that Tahlia is heading toward a breakdown. This is a posing episode, so unfortunately we have to sit through some Benny Ninja moments. But first, Toccara pops in and bring the girls "pajamas," which look nothing like the Illinois T-shirt I sport at bedtime. Toccara is there to talk about personality, but I all I can notice is that she's lost weight and dome something to her face. Maybe it's just the lack of fat in her cheeks, but overall something is different. It's funny that Toccara doesn't notice that any of the girls have a personality, because I'm having the same problem. Even bitchy Sandra isn't doing anything anymore.

There is a weird posing contest in front of drag queens. Stupid Celia wins, which stinks because I still don't like that girl at all. She's cross-eyed and she's old! Poor girl doesn't realize if she starts at 25 then she'll have to retire after a year. Tahlia did a bad job and so she wants to go home. This is all anyone has to talk about, and so they do. Celia has decided that Tahlia is too weak to stay and it's just not fair. I'm just ready for the photo shoot where Tahlia really has to show her scars. What's the point if she's covered up in every photo?

The girls go to Ellis Island for their photo shoot, where they will take a picture posing as immigrants. Benny Ninja is in their shots, along with some immigrant kids. Kortnie can't get it together, and since she is the fat one we know she won't make it very far. We can't have more than one fat girl win in a lifetime; Whitney can be the only plus-sizer to take the crown. I'm guessing Kortnie and I weight the same by the way. And what's with the spelling of her name? Tahlia knocks her shoot out of the park (must use that once a year as well), and now all of a sudden she doesn't want to go home!

All the girls are pissed that Tahlia said she didn't want to be in the house and discuss how they show Tyra the truth. Are they that stupid that they don't realize that they are being taped and Tyra knows everything? Even if they weren't being taped the magical Tyra is omniscient, so she'd know anyway.

Holy cow Tahlia's name is called first! Not only will she not be going home, but the girls have to look at her face for the next week. Kharma is a beach ladies. Sandra and Kortnie are in the final two. Sandra has a lot of drama to cause, and she really is rather stunning looking, so she won't be going home. And, as I said before, one fat girl a decade, so ta-ta Kortnie, maybe stop working on that tan.

Usually, this is the end of the episode. The girls run off and then the discarded lady cries to the camera. But THIS time, something different happened. I just have to post so that you can watch for yourself:

Ha! Way to dig your own grave Celia. Thank you for making yourself look like an idiot and showing Tyra that you're a jealous bitch. I'm sure every girl on the show has felt like going home at one point or another, that doesn't mean she really wants to. Keep your darn opinions to yourself old lady.

I can't wait to see the aftermath of Tahlia turning into a snitch. Also, I just learned that ANTM is doing a show just for shorties. Only ladies under 5 foot 7 need apply. How exciting! But don't models generally have to be a certain height (and size really) to make it in the world of Haute Couture that Tyra pretends is awaiting the winner of America's Next Top Model? Will the shorties have to fit into a certain size, or will it be for those heifers that where a size 2? Food for thought.

By the way, sorry about the end of that Youtube clip, not sure what's going on...

Holy Catfight It's the RHONYC

2009-03-26T14:25:00.000-07:00

My one and only fan has requested that I blog about the Real Housewives of NYC. I meant to discuss from the beginning, but I got behind and then just let the show escape me. I'm still watching it, of course, but I haven't been able to find the way to my computer. I was told "Less I Love Money, more Housewives!" I don't want to lose my one fan, so this one is for you, Amy.

Since I haven't been posting about the season from the start, let's take a look at the season as a whole and all that has gone down. First of all, I am in love with Bethany. Sure, she looks a bit on the skinny side and even compared herself to Calista Flockhart, but she still cracks me up time and time again. I long for Bethany to join my group of dear friends that include Tamra and Nene. Imagine the fun we could have always telling it like it is and never lacking in the truth department. We'd laugh until we'd cry as we drink Skinny Martinis. How dare the evil Countess tell Bethany that she needs to be touched up before being on the cover of that social magazine run by some rich girl who looks about 12 and longs to be Paris Hilton. True Bethany's chin has a life of it's own, but that's what happens when your face has no body fat. Bethany I love you just the way you are.

Bethany and Jill Zarin have formed some sort of amazing friendship that I absolutely believe. Most of this season has taken place in the Hamptons, and Jill was nice enough to insist that Bethany stay with her. It's not clear if Bethany really has as much dough as the others, though her business is doing well. She isn't exactly a housewife either, but I will look past that because her dog is much cuter than any icky child could be. The two are having a lovely time together spending hours upon hours on Jill's bed chit chatting about how Bethany is no longer with her boyfriend that was totally lame anyway. Bethany insults the hell out of Jill, but it's all in good fun.

Ramona hasn't really appeared too much this season, though she did apparently write two columns for Cosmo or some such magazine in the early 80s judging by the photo of her in a headband and leotard. It's neat that she still has the magazine in perfect condition so that she can bring it to lunch with Bethany and advise her on how to land a man. Ramona's other exciting moment came when she and the Countess got into a little tiff. More on that as we explore what's going on with Countess deLesseps.

Wow, what the hell happened to the Countess? I don't remember her being so ridiculous and annoying in the season prior, but I can barely stand to listen to her now. Last season when she scolded Bethany for telling a limo driver her first name rather than referring to her as the countess was silly, but easy to laugh off. Now she is working on a book about manners, though it seems she barely has any of her own. She is a Judgy McJudgster and she also is jealous with a capitol "J." She's pissing people off left and right and I have yet to hear an apology. I realize she has things tough since her maid went on vacation, and heaven forbid she actually has to do a little work around the house. Now that her maid has returned she can go back to having lunch at fancy restaurants every day and whatever else she does. To be fair she does do charity work for cancer and other causes, but I'm guessing it's because she loves the attention. Her poor daughter can barely stand her mother as well, and every time we cut to Victoria deLesseps we see a blank, angry and embarrassed stare. Favorite moment: At a cancer lunch that Luann organized, Ramona continues giving Bethany dating advice. Luann doesn't think women should date around and have fun because it's not classy. Ramona then informs the Countess that not all women want to marry a man twice their age and the sparks fly! Apparently the Count is only about 15 years older than her, which hardly makes him an old man. The Countess also suddenly remembers her daughter is in the room and is offended that Ramona would call him old in front of his own daughter who barely even knows who this Count person is since he's never home. Luann does not feel the need to apologize for essentially calling Ramona a slut, because she is so angry that someone called her husband old. And the list goes on and on and on... Also enjoyed she called for a pizza and told the person on the line that it is the Countess calling, and the pizza person had no clue what she was talking about.

Alex and Simon are around, but they don't actually spend time with the others on the show. I'm sure they feel they are better and have more class, but it's really that no one likes them. Though they insist the Hamptons are lame, Simon and Alex arrive anyway and stay in a house much smaller than anyone else's. Simon arrives on the beach in a banana sling, and then realizes that's not appropriate in uptight America, but in St. Barts where they usually vacay it's totally appropriate. He didn't realize that earlier when he put on the suit? Please click on the link. I can't get the image out of my mind so neither can you. The less they are on the show the better. I wonder if they made it to Puff Daddy's party. I'm sure there is no invite that they wouldn't except. I don't blame Ramona for refusing to hang out with them.

There is a new housewife on the scene that I don't really care for, and I hear she's really going to get under my skin when I catch up. The ex-wife of ANTM photographer Giles Bensimon (worlds collide!) Kelly Bensimon is the new gal in town.
A former model, she is still in great shape. There is a lot of leather in her face, but overall she doesn't look bad. She looks to be in her 40s, though it is clear she wishes she were in her 20s. So far she's just flitted around on her horse and attended a few parties. No opinion about her one way or another, but it is obvious she thinks she is too good for the others on the show. Well, she is still on the show so I'm not sure in what way she is any better. She was recently arrested for hitting her boyfriend, and from the looks of the picture in the link she is quite the cougar. We'll see what she gets into later in the season.

That's everyone for now. Amy, I hope you are satisfied.

Falling in Love With Frenchie

2009-03-18T14:29:00.000-07:00

This is the first episode where Frenchie actually got to do something other than prance around in her bikini, though she did plenty of that. She spent a lot of time chasing 20 Pack (who let's be honest is rather hot in addition to being a dimwit), but she also was paymaster on the winning team, giving her the power to make a difference in the game.

At the start of the show, 20 pack is still pissed off about being put in the box by the new alliance. Becky is cheesed off as well, and picks a fight with Prancer. I'm starting to like the whiners less and less, which makes me want to root for the new alliance. It's so annoying that the old alliance is just pissed off because their not the top dogs. If it were me I'd be thrilled with the fact that someone else is trying!

For the challenge this week, Frenchie and Bonez are the captains. They have to put on clothes (Frenchie makes a joke how she prefers taking them off) and then as their teammates find coins inside a block of ice they take off items. 20 Pack doesn't even pretend to help and instead meanders around the beach doing lord knows what. Mayamee has decided that she will not help her team, which is dumb because her alliance with Bonez, Tailor Made and the other wasn't really out in the open. She could've pretended to help instead of just being a brat and doing nothing. Surprisingly, Ms. Buckwild is in there helping her team. It looks like Bonez might win, until they get to the last coin and Becky grabs it and throws it in the ocean. She spent all that time rubbing her butt on a block of ice just to throw the challenge in the end? People are so dumb.

Frenchie and her team wins, and the alliance is happy. They know that Becky and 20 Pack will be in the bottom, but the Gold Team has to pick the last person to go in who will undoubtably go home. If it were me, I'd throw Tailor Made in there because he is the one they want to get rid of. Why keep around the one they hate when it will just make them madder. Instead, they decide to put Bonez in because they think he can convince Frenchie to take their side. So now they are sending the only guy the other team sort of likes onto the chopping block. Again - dummies.

On the outing, some guy guts a fish in front of them and Frenchie doesn't want to watch because she's a veg-head. This makes me like Frenchie even more! Frenchie takes 20 Pack aside and gropes him on the beach. For the whole show 20 Pack has been trying to run away from her. Come on! Why not just give her a kiss? Yes, her boobies are weird and yes she has kind of icky lips, but she'll totally have sex with you! What's the problem?

Anyway, Frenchie picks Bonez for the one-on-one to hear him out. He sort of makes an OK case, and Frenchie listens well. The producers try to make us think that she'll pick Bonez, but a seasoned viewer knows the truth. Frenchie picks 20 Pack first and says he has to kiss her to get his check. He finally does kiss her and she's happy. It's sort of cute how every time they show her looking at 20 Pack she has little cartoon hearts popping up. Something about crushes make me smile. Frenchie picks Becky to stay, who tells her that she might have fake boobs and lips but she's totally real. When Frenchie sends Bonez home she tells him that he seems very nice but she didn't really know him and so she had to go with the people she trusts. Totally reasonable. I'm starting to heart Frenchie, until I see a closeup.

Nothing to do with the "plot," but at one point in the show some of the people play Truth or Dare. Sappy dares IT to kiss her and he does. What an odd pairing... I sort of forgot IT was on the show, as did everyone else. Hmmmmm.

Aren't Models Supposed to be Pretty?

2009-03-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

As predicted, my fave Ms. Jessica was sent home for being too pretty. She is clearly the prettiest of the bunch, and so of course she couldn't stick around. Instead, we have to sit through big chin Celia and alien Teyona.

On a happier note - it was makeover day!! It's rather early for makeovers, but I don't mind. To see how everyone changed their look, click here.

As always there were some hits and misses. London's blonde 'do looks ridiculous and even Tyra admitted Teyona's weave was "whack." Jessica looked great, but clearly it didn't matter. In this season, Tyra decided that the models would get their new look without knowing how it would look in the end. The hairdresser grabbed Natalie's hair and started to cut, until she freaked out and made him stop. The Jays gave Natalie a disapproving look when she refused to let the hairdresser (some famous guy whose name escapes me) do anything to her. It turns out they had no intention of cutting Natalie's hair, they just wanted her to trust them. They all laugh and that's the end! She still freaked out and refused to get a cut, even if that wasn't the plan. Cassandra from cycle 5 got sent home for behavior like that. The only other meltdown was Fo, who doesn't know how to be sexy without her hair. IF being selected for the show doesn't make you feel pretty than I don't know what can.

The challenge in this ep was for the girls to light themselves. It was also a group shot, so they had to outshine the others in the shot. I'm sure the task was hard, and watching the girls was rough. Nigel was the photographer! Which is always nice when we get more hotty Nigel time. His faves were Tayana, London and Celia. Jessica couldn't make it work, and Fo freaked out about her silly hair. A few were accused of fading into the background, but it didn't make sense because those girls WERE in the background, while the others clearly stood in the foreground for their picture.

At panel, predictably two of my favorites were stuck waiting at the end in the final two. Teyana was called first, and though she isn't really a favorite of mine, her picture did turn out nice. You'll notice she is in front... A good picture doesn't make her pretty, unfortunately.

In the end panel decided that Fo can get over her hair sadness, and Jessica just can't help but be pretty and so she was sent home.

Now that Jessica is gone and Fo is annoying about her hair, I no longer have a favorite. Maybe I could get on board with Alison, but her eyes creep me out. Perhaps as the weeks go on, someone will emerge as my new favorite.

I'll let you know.

Shame on You ANTM

2009-03-11T18:19:00.001-07:00

I suddenly feel the need to go to Wal Mart and buy a cover girl item. I wonder why that is.

Two Steps Forward - Two Steps Back

2009-03-11T17:27:00.001-07:00

Just when I was starting to like Chet, he goes and acts stupid. He wants to know about Katelynne's surgery, but then he berates her with gross inappropriate questions. He also wants to steel the tool she uses to make sure her vagina doesn't close up and use it in a prank. He tells her this, and she is appalled. As she should be. Chet doesn't realize that Katelynne's surgery and her tools are not a joke. At one point she compares her tools to insulin for diabetics. Chet is angry at this comparison and tells her she "did it to herself." It is obvious he will never understand and thus he has taken steps backward to dooshville.

Devyn's relative has a boutique store for some fancy pageant designer and she interviews with their corporate office. If I had all the connections Devyn had then I would be a very rich woman and probably wouldn't waste time on The Real World when I could be weaseling my way into much better positions. Devyn is instantly hired (well, I guess being on The Real World didn't hurt) and though her job is PR, she just stands around and models dresses.

Baya finally dances again! And we learn that she turned down the conservatory because they were too mean with their style of teaching. She is instead taking a bunch of classes, which I applaud. However, the wheels are still always turning and her face is just blank when she moves. She is really tiny and cute though. Sarah and Baya go to a free dance class and Sarah sucks so she sits down. After the class, Sarah tells Baya she is the best dancer in the class. The way that Sarah supports her roommate and tells her in the conspiratorial manner makes me like Sarah a lot more. Two steps forward for Sarah.

Chet interviews at MTV for a VJ spot. I'm sure we'll be seeing him hosting some crappy show after he finishes with The Real World. As long as he isn't insulting Transexuals I guess I don't mind.

Previews for next week show Katelynne might have to go home. I hope she stays, I want to learn more.

Ho's Before Bro's

2009-03-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

On Monday's ep. of I Love Money 2, Frank The Entertainer had to choose between letting go of his soldiers and best friends 20 Pack and Heat, or he had to let go of his sweetie Becky Buckwild. It seemed he didn't even consider cutting the latter, because he needed a spooning partner, and thus lost the respect of dudes everywhere by narrowing his choice down to his bro's from the start.

The challenge for this episode was a repeat of last year's chicken toss. The Green Team, with The Entertainer as captain, got off to a slow start, but when the Gold Team, with Ice as captain, couldn't launch one chicken properly, the Green team was crowned winner. It turns out Ice is in an alliance with Tailor Made, Ice, Bonez and Prancer on her team, and Cali on the other team. The plan was to throw the challenge, and they did a nice job because I didn't even realize that was the plan until the "flashback." Maybe I was going back for my second chocolate egg when they discussed this.

At the vote, the four banned together to put Becky, Heat and 20 Pack in the box. For some reason, the three are shocked that Prancer didn't take their side. How on Earth could their angry threats not have persuaded her. Now what really pisses me off is that the three are so livid that the others have formed their own alliance. They're just mad that they're losing. THEY have an alliance, so why can't anyone else? Ugh.

The Entertainer takes the three on a date and makes goo-goo eyes at Becky. Heat and 20 Pack get wasted and basically cry. Heat exclaims that he isn't stupid, in a really stupid manner. In the end, The Entertainer picks Becky first and she gives him a nasty wet kiss. He asks his team to decide about the other two. Since Heat is mentally challenged, they decide 20 Pack should stay - and Frenchy wants to do him. Heat bursts into tears and sobs. The Entertainer gives him a hug, and 20 Pack follows suit. Man hugs all around for the sobbing, drunk Heat. The Entertainer makes sure Heat knows Tailor Made is the one to blame for all this. How dare they form a counter alliance! How DARE they.

Next week Frenchy is going to try to attack 20 Pack. Though he is quite pretty, he is barely smarter than Heat.

Quest Crew Crowned ABDC

2009-03-07T07:40:00.001-08:00

Season 3 has ended, and Quest Crew was named as the champs for this season of America's Best Dance Crew. While I really did like Quest (still kicking myself for not saying anything when I saw them in L.A. before the show began), I'm a bit disappointed that the ladies of the Beat Freaks didn't win.

Throughout the whole show, the Beat Freaks showed that they had the same talent and drive as any of the boys. They completely blew the Fly Kicks out of the water. I will admit that the last performance was not their best. Quest Crew looked better in the final "decathlon" challenge. The Beat Freaks have the technical skills, but in this last challenge, Quest Crew showed personality and swagger that can't be beat:

I'm not going to show you the Beat Freaks' version, because it just isn't that interesting. However, I would like to show you my favorite Beat Freaks dance of the season. For some reason I can't find just the dancing, so skip through the junk at the beginning and get to the dancing about a minute and a half in.

The Beat Freaks were just solid every week, but I guess Quest Crew pulled it out at the end. I want to show you two more of my favorite dance numbers from this season, which occurred on the Brittney Spears night:

Congrats to Quest Crew! I hope that it was the last performance that won them the competition, and not the fact that America isn't ready to credit the ladies the way they deserve to be credited.

Last but not least, no none will be able to top this performance by the first ever ABDC champ, the Jabbawockeez.

The Next Cycle Begins!

2009-03-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

Cycle 12 has begun, and I'm just as excited as ever before. Even though McKey was just named the Cycle 11 champ a few months ago, as soon as I saw commercials I became excited. Aside from a few moments where I had to mute the screaming to stay sane, the first episode of ANTM Cycle 12 did not disappoint. Yes, they have a format down and there is rarely a surprise, but I still slurp it up like an apple martini.

The first episode is always the same. There are too many girls, and then they whittle down to 13 to live in the house. Of those that didn't make it into the house, the only standout was a young lady with fake hair and fake nails that had that whole hard as rocks attitude. She wasn't pretty or modelesque at all, but she was feisty and had enough 'tude to pick a fight with Kenyan model Sandra. Everyone hated Sandra, but no one had the gall to fight with her but whats her name with the 'tude. I also hated Celia from the start because she's not attractive at all. And, she's old at a whopping 25 years old, so that's why she made it into the house.

Once the top 13 were picked, I was upset about Celia and Isabella. Isabella is pretty enough, but I feel like I saw her in the suburbs last week at the local Bennigans. She has epilepsy, which is why she made it onto the show.

The girls have a challenge where they have to pose with some bad girls and pretend to play little girl games such as ring around the rosie and hula hoops. It's way too early to go over what's going on with everyone, so I'll give you a snapshot of those that matter and will continue to matter.

Sandra believes she is all that and a bag of Doritos. She will remain for a while because she is the drrrrrrraaaaaaaaaama factor. She's pretty enough, but it's her business that will make her stick around. She's also horribly annoying and I don't like her, which means I'll have to suffer through her for a while.

Alison has weird scary creepy eyes. She is the "pretty-ugly" girl ala Brooke and Lluvy. The pretty-ugly girl never wins, and Alison is obsessed with bloody noses. Huh? Tahlia is very lovely, and she's on the show because she has burn scars on her legs and stomach. Don't get me wrong, she is very beautiful, but she is a little on the big side to be a model. She is the Isis of the group, who is very different and beautiful in her own way. Those girls don't win either. Tahlia pulled a cord and a coffee pot fell on her when she was 8 months old. Tahlia gets upset because when they do a runway rock, she is covered up while the other girls are wearing little outfits. I think she is absolutely correct to be upset. The point of her uniqueness and the reason she wants to be on the show is to show others that her scars are beautiful and nothing to fear.

London is a street preacher. I thought it was a joke at first, but London wants to get the word of Jesus out to the masses on the show. Which doesn't fit with her bohemian outfit and her pounds of makeup and eyeliner. I have to wonder if it is just a gimmick. Kortnie is the plus-size model of the group, and as usual she looks thinner than me.

Early favorites for me are Fo, who is too short to win, Nijah, who is too pretty and will go the way of Brittany last year, and my absolute fave is Jessica. For some reason, Jessica was picked third to last. She is the best looking and had a great walk, so I don't understand.

Isabella is sent home, and I think that's totally appropriate. Sandra was also in the bottom two, but that was just to scare her. The drama queen can't go home first!

Why is it the girls scream oh so much? I know that not everyone is a Tyra fan, but I can't help but love her. However, if I were to meet her on the street I would NOT scream. Now, if I were to meet Jay Manuel, then that's a different story.

Shaking Things Up!

2009-03-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

I love it when the people in silly shows suddenly come up with strategies that just might work. The tides have turned a bit and the strong may not be the strong anymore on I Love Money 2.

The show was being led by Entertainer, 20 Pack, Sappy (that's her new name cause I'm tired of trying to spell it and I don't really like her), Buckwild and MILF. Well that the teams have shifted these guys are going to try to keep it up while remaining on separate teams.

Cali and Prancer have become friends and have decided that they will both be captains of their respective teams. The challenge is a confusing snoozeball. Since Cali is the captain she has to lead the team and sort of screws the pooch. They get confused over a clue and Mayamee doesn't help. Sappy gets all pissed off and they end up losing. Sappy is convinced Cali threw the challenge for her buddy Prancer. The truth is, Cali is an idiot. She didn't throw the challenge, she just got confused.

The team throws Cali in the box along with Mayamee and MILF. Prancer is not dropping her girl Cali, though thats what her team wants of her. I guess Prancer and Mayamee hate each other because it's Prancer's fault that Mayamee got kicked off of Flava of Love before she could kiss the gross skinny guy. Prancer asks MILF why she should stay and MILF goes all crazy momma crying on her. Prancer has her one on one with Mayamee and they talk about how if they join forces with the others they will have more on their side than the alpha team.

The producers of I Love Money 2 do a great job of making you think that the cast members are going to make the wrong decision. Prancer is an idiot if she doesn't send home MILF and it's awesome to make a statement like that. AND, no one likes MILF - it's not like she's sending home Buckwild or anything!

Prancer tricks everyone by saying Cali's name first, and then proclaiming "you're not going home." She voids MILF's checks and everyone gasps as Luther and I applaud from the couch. Mayamee takes her check and awkwardly says something about how they don't get along but thanks. Prancer says that Mayamee deserves and academy award. For what? Looking awkward and weird? Why bother faking anything when now it's clear their on the same side. Silly girls.

Before leaving MILF has a meltdown! She cries and mumbles something about how she will never get her kid back. Um, where did her kid go? And why on Earth did she think that going on a reality TV show would get her kid back, money or no money?

So happy to see MILF go. Viva la Prancer!

The Real Hypocrites of Brooklyn

2009-03-02T09:20:00.000-08:00

This week's episode focused on nothing other than the fact that the girls are messy and the guys are annoyed that the girls are so messy. This topic actually began last week, but this week it was the entire focus of the whole episode.

Katelynne and Devyn are apparently the messiest of the bunch. Sarah just doesn't care and Baya never does anything. I wish they'd show which side she is actually on, because the guys don't seem to hate her but she is heavily ensconced in girl world.

The guys keep asking the girls nicely, with a hint of annoyance to be fair, to clean up their crap. Every time a request is made Katelynne or Devyn proclaim that the boys are not their mom, boyfriend, keeper whatever so they can just shut up. While this is true, Katelynne has to realize that seven other people live in the house and don't want to clean up her mess. Clearly Katelynne has never had to live with other people, or perhaps her mommy did all the cleaning.

JD tries to make a chore list and everyone is pissed. They are grown-ass people they don't need a list. Well, if they actually cleaned up they wouldn't need a list, so that means that they DO need a list and it isn't a bad idea.

The girls also keep saying that if the guys would just ask nicely then they would clean. They are tired of being yelled at. THEN CLEAN UP.

Finally JD hits an anger wall. The guys go to pick up Ryan at 3 a.m. (I'll get to that), and are peeved to discover the girls have not filled the car with gas. When they get home they're all tired with flared tempers and everyone starts yelling, mainly at Sarah. Sarah explains she'd rather just clean someone's fork than yell at that person, while the boys tell her she's stupid and should grow a backbone. The girls are also mad that the boys are yelling, because that won't solve a thing. JD breaks a table and yells in everyone's faces. He also rips the phone out of the wall while Devyn is talking on it, because she is too important to come joint the discussion. He throws the phone in whatever water is outside their house (I don't know my NY geography). There's some more yelling, and finally the girls agree that they could be cleaner. Koombaya we're all friend again. Even though the girls said that yelling doesn't make them want to clean, it sure solved everything really fast. The lesson? Scream at the girls and they'll clean. That's what I learned.

Meanwhile, Ryan goes on a webisode shoot with Chet and realizes he loves filmmaking. Ryan signs up for film school, though not real school, but that New York Film Academy that has TV commercials and also has signs on buses and such. He is accepted (I think anyone with a credit card is accepted) and begins a course that meets every day for a few weeks. He's at the class all day and out late editing, etc. Baya thinks he is the coolest thing since swiss cheese and gushes to the camera about his creative juices flowing through his hot body. When will she realize she wants him? I, on the other hand, find his newfound love of film less attractive. I was in LA with thousands of guys like him. Since his tampon song didn't win over the music producer, why not try something completely original - like filmmaking. At least he's not hoping to be a screenwriter. Maybe that's next week.

I also think Chet has a crush on Ryan but he hasn't realized it just yet. Maybe that's next week, too.

Gretchen Vs. Tamra- RHOC Reunion

2009-02-27T13:06:00.000-08:00

Team Tamra is what we've got here. Vicki, not so much, but Tamra is still good with me. She realized she did some crap over the season that wasn't kosher and she owned up to it. Vicki made Lynne cry and then said that Lynne hurt her as well and it "goes back and forth." No apology in site.

Where to begin! This was a fabulous reunion making up for a less-than-stellar season. We open the show with Jeana admitting to the host-y guy that her daughter did receive a boob job for graduation, but she refuses to confirm that Cara has a boob job. Um, ya just did. I did notice Cara looking a little boobalicious, but I forgot how she used to look so I didn't cry JOB!

There are way too many montages in these reunion shows. I've seen the season I don't need a recap. There should be more blooper reels though, which were unfortunately absent.

Tamra and Vicki are referred to as BFF's/bitches, and I'd say they're both. Lynne admits that seeing a lot of what they said hurt, and Vicki said that she was hurt, too. They insult her intelligence, and Lynne says something about the fact that they're not rocket scientists either. Vicki claims "a rock was thrown." But she threw one first!! And on the show Lynne never had a bad thing to say about anyone!

When asked why she never sees her family in Wisconsin, Jeana really has no answer. She only makes fun of the fact that she had a "Lynne moment" when she asked her blind dad if he could see the rain. Seconds later, Lynne is in tears. Cut to Tamra and Vicki just staring. Again, Vicki says she feels bad Lynne is sad, but says she's cried many tears about what Lynne has said. I still have no clue what she is talking about.

When asked about Shane's rude behavior, Jeana claims he would never actually hit her with a bat. I'm so glad she cleared that up. As judgy Vicki judged I wanted to beam myself there and exclaim "what about Michael using you for your cruise!" No one else thought to mention it.

We address Tamra getting Gretchen "naked wasted," and Tamra apologizes and it feels genuine. Gretchen forgives her, but is upset that someone would be so conniving and treacherous or something along those lines. I don't see what the big deal is, my boyfriend tries to get me naked wasted all the time! I'm not mad. Gretchen is the one that chooses how much alcohol goes in her body. Now if they had said, this is water and it was really vodka, then Gretchen could be mad.

We address Gretchen's relationship with Jeff, and host-y guy asks if she is Florence Nightengale or All About Eve (in regards to her "obsession" with Tamra). Gretchen doesn't know who these people are and thinks it is because she is too young. I can name a number of people younger than Gretchen who could identify both cultural and historical icons.

Tamra reveals that some guy called her in the middle of the night and claimed to be dating Gretchen! Gretchen says that this guy was an ex-boyfriend and a stalker. Then she admits he was in Bass Lake with her when she ditched Jeff, because he is a family friend. Which is it? Then Tamra says Jeana told her she saw his clothes on the floor of Gretchen's bedroom. Gretchen doesn't recall Jeana ever being in her bedroom. Tamra feels that Gretchen was paid to care for Jeff and that was all. Gretchen is appalled and unsure what this has to do with anything. Tamra says it has to do with moral character and Gretchen shoots back "like getting me naked wasted?" Let's see, giving someone drinks vs. lying to everyone about the status of your relationship with a dying old man, not the same. I believe Tamra 100 percent as I never bought that Gretchen ever had a relationship with Jeff. However, I wonder why Jeff gave her an engagement ring and went along with the lie. Since he never saw the show I guess maybe he could've thought Gretchen was his fiancee when really she was dating the other guy. Sneaky Gretchen! But gosh her dress was pretty.

Laurie came on the show at the end. I can barely look at her face. Her son is now in jail.

As the show winds down, the host hands everyone a shot of tequila, but Gretchen declines. He wants to hear a Vicki woo-hoo, but she's an idiot and thinks she's supposed to toast and gives some half-assed speech. At the very end he has to say "can we get a Vicki woo-hoo?" They all cheer and drink. The end.

What will happen in season five? Will they realize Lynne is a dumb snooze even if she isn't high all the time? Gretchen isn't really a housewife (though neither is my beloved Bethany on RHONY) so will she stay? Where will she get all her money from now that she has no sugar daddy? I think it might be time to start with a new group of ladies Bravo.

Now on to New York!

The RHOC Party I Wasn't Invited To

2009-02-25T15:20:00.001-08:00

The Real Housewives of Orange County has ended, and I would be said if I didn't have the Real Housewives of New York waiting in the wings. The last episode of RHOC was a waste of time, though the reunion was as exciting as always. Nothing beats seeing what happens when the ladies finally see what the others have said about them behind their backs. To quote my new favorite housewife Bethany of NY "Holy Catfight!" But, since I am so long-winded you'll have to wait for the next post!

In the last episode of the season, Vicki had a party for all the ladies past and present. The show unfolded as if we were sort of just guests at the party watching everyone chit chat. I wasn't a guest, I didn't get any of the snacks or cocktails, so it wasn't all that fun to watch.

Jo looked ridiculous with her bangs, and though someone said she looked 12 she looked a hell of a lot older than that. It was interesting to see Gretchen standing next to her because even though I hate Gretchen with a fiery passion, she is quite a looker - too bad about her skin, I'd suggest less makeup. There was another girl from an earlier season that moved to Chicago. All of the girls exclaimed that she looks so - Chicago! Hell no she does not. She weighs about 12 pounds and has huge fake knockers. I moved to Chicago to get away from that, and I've stayed because that is exactly what we don't see her. Laurie "The face" showed up as well, with her brood of brats. The one who is starting a skin line seems to be doing alright, must be nice to have a new step daddy that is filthy rich.

I forgot to mention before the party in another scene Brianna revealed to Vicki that she wants to be a nurse in the army. Apparently she has just broken up with her virgin boyfriend, but insists her desire to leave the country is in no way related. Mmhmm. This is important to note for the end of the show when captions tell us all what's been going on since the show ended.

Vicki has purchased a Rolex for herself and is showing it off to everyone. Jeana has brought her dumpy date who lives in Arizona and introduces him as her friend. He is geographically undesirable so it's not a REAL date. Simon gives Tamra a bracelet worth $35,000. He just wants to top the watch he gave her for her birthday the previous year. Tamra is surprised because this kind of gift is rare (and probably only for the camera). Gretchen's brother has a note that Jeff wrote and reveals there is a surprise. Gretchen is taken to the back where there is a Harley Davidson motorcycle, which set him back $23,000. Gretchen is excited, but tells the camera she thought for a second maybe Jeff had made it to the party (he was too sick to attend). She is not a talented actress so I didn't believe her for a bit. Tamra is pissed because she wanted a pink Harley, which would've actually cost Simon less than the bracelet.

In the end there are captions telling us what's going on now!! Usually they are interesting, but the only ones that really mattered were that Jeana and the dude are not dating, Cara is going to transfer to UCLA to be with her boyfriend (which I said she should do about 6 episodes ago) and Brianna is not joining the army. Well, duh! That was only to get a rise out of her mom and get away from the virgin boyfriend! After the captions are done, Jeana of all people explains that Jeff has passed. She also says that the other girls didn't believe the relationship because they didn't see Gretchen and Jeff like she did. I am truly sad that he lost his battle with cancer, but I do not believe that Jeana saw anything that we did not. Gretchen is probably relieved to be free.

Notice how I didn't mention Lynne once in this post? Wonder why.

It's Getting Good

2009-02-23T18:43:00.000-08:00

Finally, I Love Money is getting good. I'm starting to sort of like these people, and they're starting to sort of like each other. I have no idea why I find this show so appealing, but I certainly enjoyed this episode. I no longer hate MILF, and the truth comes out about TWeed.

This week's challenge had couples stand on a small wooden thingy and kiss the ass of their partner. They picked out of a hat to find a partner, so they couldn't actually pick. MILF has already said she's throwing the challenge, and she gets Buddha. Buckwild is also going to quit and she gets Ice. TWeed and Mayamee are the only ones left to give it a go. The couples have to keep lips to ass without putting their hands anywhere and without falling of the wooden thingy.

Buckwild says something about not wanting to kiss a girl and quits, MILF shoves Buddha off the wooden thingy. All that's left are TWeed and Mayamee. The gold team thinks they're set, but everyone falls except Frenchie and Prancer. Tweed is having a hard time balancing with his big feet and eventually falls (Bonez and Cali are left out of the competition). Couple of problems I have with this. Buddha choses to wear the Speedo while MILF will kiss his butt. Why wouldn't MILF be wearing the Speedo?? Also, if you knew your partner was going to throw a challenge, wouldn't you opt to take the control and be the kiss giver instead of recipient?

The goal for everyone is to get Buddha into the box. MILF and Becky say they're going to throw challenges until Buddha is gone. TWeed realizes this sucks, and plans to vote Buddha off. And, Buddha implies that TWeed sucks for losing, though TWeed has a point that none of the guys have any idea how hard the challenge really was. And I believe him, it's just he decides to go off the deep end.

The gold group tries to get Bonez to vote with them, but Bonez isn't sure because Buddha has been nothing but honest. In what way Bonez? Either I'm not seeing something or Bonez is dumb. Bonez says he will look at performance.

When the vote comes Bonez sides with Buddha. In the box is Becky, MILF and TWeed. I don't see what Bonez owes Buddha. You have two chicks saying they'll stop throwing challenges when Buddha goes. The other team hates Buddha - just get rid of him!!

Frank the Entertainer was the paymaster, so he's picking who goes home. Somehow he and Becky have started their romance without VH1 showing me. That's some of my favorite parts of the show! MILF has proved that she will throw challenges and is on their side. No brainer. AND, let's not forget TWeed said he wouldn't pick Buddha, and then he did pick him on his team. No brainer. TWeed goes ballistic and says MILF can't be trusted. MILF threw a challenge, in fact she DID prove she can be trusted. And, MILF is weak so she won't be a threat at the end. No brainer Fran, what's the problem.

Thankfully, I think that the VH1 wanted to throw me off with the editing. TWeed goes home, and now MILF is starting to annoy me less. TWeed was never in my good graces so see ya.

Then, I thought the episode was over, but nooooo! Craig the host informs me there's more! He's going to mix these up. Everyone has to write down the name of the person that is the same gender as them as the person they trust most. The winners are Sapphyri and 20 Pack. Um, 20 Pack? Where did that happen? The first time he was captain, he had Frank tell him what to do. Why is he the most trusted dude. And he won by a landslide. Whatever.

The teams don't make too much sense, and honestly I can't remember the deets. Basically, Sapphyri didn't pick Becky. I guess they want to have a spy on the other team or some crap, but don't they realize they'll have less enemies if they're not throwing challenges.

The catch is that the person who isn't picked will go home. It's down to Ice and Buddha, and the 20 Pack team (with Becky) huddle. No WAY either Sapphyri or Becky Buckwild are letting Buddha stay. Ice is picked, Buddha goes home. What will happen next with these new teams? And will I get to see more love connections?

Waiting for it to Get Good

2009-02-21T08:23:00.001-08:00

Sat through another snooze-inducing episode of The Real World this week. It started off rather promising, but I've sat through two boring weeks in a row. Actually the week before that was nothing exciting to discuss either. No one is doing anything. While I'm glad they stopped making them pretend to work a job, at least it gave them something to do. This entire episode revolved around mice and rats. No thanks. There was a glimpse of Ryan's plain Jane girlfriend, and I'm not the least bit surprised at her appearance.

Poor Baya and Scott, why are they even on the show? Scott is devoid of personality so it's understandable why he's a nonfactor. I guess Baya is lacking personality too? She is so cute and little and bouncy though, why not do something? Sidenote- "Boomerang" is on TV! What a fun movie to watch at 10 am on a Saturday.

I didn't address last week's argument between JD and Devyn. I can't remember the actual discussion, but it had something to do with psychology. Devyn got on top of her high horse and went on and on about studying psychology on the collegiate level. She might've just learned the word collegiate because she used it over and over again. I'm impressed with JD, because he continued the argument for a fair amount of time before pointing out that he majored in Psychology in college AND got a degree. Devyn shoots back by explaining that just because she didn't graduate, doesn't mean she didn't take psychology courses. Good comeback! There's some more fighting, until JD refers to Devyn as a college dropout. She freaks! Just because she didn't graduate doesn't mean she's a college droupout. Actually, dear, that is the very definition of college dropout. Maybe if she'd finished college she'd know that.

In this week's episode, the gang finds rats in their home. Ew ick. They focus on these things for a loooooooooooooong time. Then the guys think it'd be hilarious to buy a white mouse and put it in Devyn's bed. They buy a mouse and put it in her bed, she is scared. This takes up about three-quarters of the episode, no exaggeration.

In the midst of this hilarious and creative prank (?), Ryan's girlfriend Belle comes to town. Her name is actually Michelle, but Ryan likes the Beatles. Oh he's so creative and sensitive - although when she gets all googly and lovey-dovey he's not into that. Somebody needs to get better in touch with his feelings. Belle arrives, says hi, and then they walk around Coney Island. That's all we see of them. Belle is pretty enough, but plain. Snooze.

Devyn's "fiancee" comes to town as well. She's engaged? What? Why is she drooling over the blank canvas that is Scott? Not only is she engaged, but she's also got some friend named Jim that she is sort of seeing as well? All the guys are up in arms that she is playing these two guys. Devyn repeatedly tells the guys that they don't understand the situation. How about telling them the scoop?

That was this week's episode for ya folks. A whole hour of a stupid prank with a stupid mouse. By the way, didn't the show used to be a half-hour long? Maybe that's why the episodes seem to go on forrrrevvvver.

Leilene is Gone - Not a Moment Too Soon

2009-02-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

I don't dislike Leilene. I really don't. She is a pretty lady with a lot of ... a lot of passion? She provides some entertainment I suppose, but I was getting tired of all this talk about friendship and fake attempts at quitting the game. While I like the house drama more than the competitions, Leilene's drama just got tired.

We start the episode off with Leilene and Heat making out. Heat is a bit upset that Leilene used to like Buddha. Leilene doesn't want Heat to get hurt so recommends he stays away. This makes Heat even more upset, which makes Leilene upset, and she packs up her stuff and heads out the door. It would've been nice if this were the end, but no her "friends" Buckwild and Saaphyrri (whose name I will spell differently every time on purpose because it makes no sense) make her come inside and they tell her how much they loooove her. Really they just want to use her to their advantage.

Turns out MILF also has the hots for Buddha, who again pretends to think she's cool and promises not to vote for her. I can't stand MILF. Is it hard to raise a child when you have a glazed look on your face at all times? Speaking of the kid, who is watching him/her while she is on these shows? For that matter where are Leilene's kids? She has multiples.

The challenge is some sort of soccer thing. MILF and Saaaaphyri are captains though neither knows what they're doing. Saaphyrrri and Frenchie fight because Frenchie can't play sports. MILF can't either so her team hates her. Safari's team wins.

The Green team losers put MILF, Leilene and Buckwild in the box. Why would you waste your time putting Buckwild in the box when Saffary is her best friend? Think people! You wasted a chance at kicking someone else out. MILF is upset because Buddha voted for her when he said he wouldn't. And he didn't really need to vote for her because there were enough votes for her to go in anyway, which means Buddha is just an a-hole.

MILF has decided she will leave because she is so upset that Buddha voted for her. Saphyri wants her to stay and Buddha starts yelling at them. Then Buckwild sticks her face in there. I wasn't quite sure what the heck they were all arguing about, which happens often. I do love how Buckwild is NOT afraid to stick her face into Buddha's and yell, because I sure would be. He's big and scary. In fact I think the term she used for him was "chocolate covered peanut." Ha ha!

Saaafffyyyri goes on her outing with Buckwild, MILF and Leilene. Leilene is so upset that Sapyri would even consider eliminating her that she walks away yet again. Just shut up and sit down! How hard is that? Caaphyri asks MILF if she will throw challenges and MILF says "maybe." Apparently that is enough for Sapyri cause she keeps MILF and sends Leilene home. Saphyri explains that Leilene needs to go home because this game is too stressful. Then why didn't you let her go home when she wanted to quit? Leilene and Sahyri hug and insist they will always be friends! Heat yells to Leilene that she's a great girl and best of luck.

I would've preferred that MILF go home because I can't stand listening/looking at her, but Leilene was jumping on my last nerve while wearing heels. Can we just leave Buckwild out of the box? In the grand tradition of me I'm falling for the scene-stealer.

When are Frenchie and 12 Pack gonna hook up?

Real Ungrateful Kids

2009-02-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

I am behind on my RHOC... I think I will highlight some pieces from the last episode and then just move on with my life.

The girls go to Vegas! Sickly Jeff comes home from the hospital and Gretchen leaves him to go on the trip with the ladies. I mean she planned this WAY before he had the nerve to leave the hospital!

In Vegas Lynne and Gretchen like to wear tight clothes and dance. Jeana and Vicki are appalled. I think really they are just sad they don't look quite that nice in their outfits.

That's all I really remember. Lynne's mother thinks she is doing a crappy job with her kids. I agree. Tamra took her mom to get a facelift. Tamra's parents split up when she was 25, which she feels is much worse than when this happens to someone who is a child. Um, really?

Now on to this week's! The main throughline seems to be that the OC kids suck rocks. Jeana takes Cara to her own safe apartment that probably cost a lot of money because you can't put a price on safety. She wasn't "into" the dorms so she gets her own place. Who the hell IS into the dorms? Though Cara is quite pretty.

Vicki hosts some sort of getaway for life insurance agents on a cruise ship and pays for her son and his friend to join. Her son, Michael, did say he wants to learn the business so it makes sense. The program is some new foundation she has set up. I don't really understand how many people are in attendance. It's not clear if it is everyone on the boat or just a small group. She has a cocktail party and there seems to be a lot of people, but in her seminar there are only about 15. Vicki wants Michael to join the seminar, but he doesn't "feel like it." He wants to drink and stay on the cruise. I think its funny that Michael is being rather rude and ungrateful when Vicki gave Jeana crap about Shane being, what? Rude and ungrateful. What a little prick. I went to much worse things with my parents because they asked me to, not because I wanted a free cruise. And if my parents take me on a cruise for three days to learn a business I SAID I wanted to learn, you can be damn sure I'd be at the seminars that occur on ONE of the days. MAN.

Tamra cries to her Dad because he left them. Wah wah wah.

Our girl Gretchen? She's in Dallas with her college friends. Does she ever stay in town? It turns out Jeff is back in the hospital, which is sad indeed, but then why is she off with her college friends? She is happy to sit with them and flaunt her fancy ring and pretend like one day she and Jeff will have children just like then. Nope, not in her plans.

Next week is the finale!! Vicki's daughter is going to join the army! But other than that, I couldn't really tell what was going to happen cause the darn Tivo cut out.

RHONY coming next week as well. Woot.

Ryan Got a Haircut - And Where is This GF?

2009-02-14T12:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sure there was plenty of other things happening on The Real World today, but really all I noticed was that my boy Ryan got a haircut, which looked oh so nice.

Isn't it weird how they do the confessionals? You have to wonder if the order is at all accurate because at some points his hair was nice and trimmed and at other points it looked the same weird stupid.

Apparently the boys are getting annoyed with the girls. It seems to happen in every season. In this episode, everyone is heading to Gettysburg, Ryan's hometown, for the start of some sort of cycle race for AIDS. They drive down in separate cars so that each gender can talk about the other. This also gives the guys a chance to chit chat about Katelynne and discuss how they all know she was a man, why not discuss.

While in Gettysburg, the gang meets Ryan's family - BUT NO GIRLFRIEND. He called his GF and told her he was coming, so why didn't we see her? I am dying to get a glimpse of her but nope, nowhere in sight.

At a bar/restaurant, Katelynne sees some sort of support beam and decides to use it as a stripper pole. Later she grinds on some local old men. The gang watches in horror.

After returning to Brooklyn, Ryan is tired of Katelynne feeling like she can't tell the guys her secret. He sits down and basically says "I know your secret so just tell me." It's nice that he is interested in a chat, but he is a bit abrasive and forward. I'm glad he wants her to be open and comfy, but did he really need to know the details of her surgery? I think not. Ryan also tells Katelynne that everyone knows so she might as well just come out. Katelynne is a bit sad because she thought that her transformation wasn't easy to spot.

I feel sort of bad for her, because there isn't really much she can do to make her situation invisible. Though she does look pretty good! The details of the surgery were quite scary.

Snooze.

The Leilene Show

2009-02-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Though she was almost cut last episode, the first of the season, Leilene has now essentially taken over I Love Money. This led me to believe perhaps this was her week to go home, alas that wasn't the case. I don't dislike Leilene, I just have a hard time with her stupidity, which is why the kiss she shared with Heat (perhaps even dumber) was appropriate. Let's start from the beginning.

Leilene has a crush on Buddha, because who doesn't? Woo that fellow is built correctly! She tells Buddha she likes him and he says he likes her, too. But Buddha is just lying because ... well I have no idea why he is lying. That isn't very nice.

The challenge this episode was a boxing match suspended above some water. However, only one person actually fell in the water. I think the goal was to get your opponent to touch the rope, or have their knee touch. I'm not sure if the host even said the object of the game. He might've, I just wasn't listening.

Heat is the captain of the Gold team, while Mayamee takes on the Green team. In the challenge, one team picks who they want to send in, then the other team gets to pick an opponent. Meanwhile, Onyx has made a deal with Heat (perhaps Onyx should go in the dumb category as well). Ooh, side-note, Onyx said in the first episode that he might lose his job by being on the show. Well then this was the right decision! After all, it could lead to even more stupid reality shows. Good thinking Onyx. Anyway, Onyx promised to throw his boxing match.

First The Entertainer and Buddha are matched together, which the host reported was the matchup of the century! Buddha kicked The Entertainer's butt handily. However, Buddha proceeded to kick The Entertainer in the side over and over again, which I'm guessing wasn't in the rules. There are more matches and basically the guys beat the girls. This isn't exactly a gender-neutral challenge. The Gold team is winning, and then the Green team sends in Onyx. If the Gold team wins, then the game is over. Onyx is ready to throw the challenge, and then Heat sends in Prancer, who weighs as much as a toothpick. Even The Entertainer realizes this is stupid, but doesn't actually say anything. I'm with Onyx on this in that Prancer was an idiotic pick by Heat. Onyx tries to fake a loss, but as soon as he doesn't punch Prancer square in the face the green team calls foul. Onyx takes down Prancer and Heat is SO ANGRY.

For the last match Heat volunteers himself. Mayamee looks at who is left on her team since all the men have gone in. She tells Becky/Buckwild to go in, who is like "nuh uh." And Mayamee is annoyed until Becky points out that maybe it is time for her to step up as the captain. I love BeckyBuckwild. Mayamee goes in and loses immediately. Gold team wins, Heat is the paymaster.

Ok, so Green team wants Leilene, Buckwild and Onyx in the "box." Buckwild realizes that if she can argue long enough then they will run out of time and the Gold team will pick someone to go in - specifically Buddha. She tells Leilene her plan cause they're buddies and ready to win. Buckwild does a great job of arguing for about 14 minutes, but as the last minute ticks down the host says if she is the only one opposed then a decision has been made. Little Leilene says nothing. Leilene, Buckwild and Onyx are sent on an island with Heat to plead their case.

Buckwild think that Leilene should quit so that the Green team will have to choose someone else to go in, and maybe they'll pick Buddha at that point. Buddha is big and strong, he isn't going anywhere.

Heat and Buckwild are all of a sudden buds, so she seems safe. Heat is angry with Onyx for not throwing the challenge, but decides he needs one-on-one time with Leilene. She takes this opportunity to seduce him and they smooch.

At the elimination ceremony, Leilene blurts out the plan to quit. Buckwild is clearly angry, but why would you trust Leilene with anything. Leilene decides not to quit. Heat saves Buckwild first, then eliminates Onyx for not throwing the challenge. Poor Onyx was damned if he didn't and damned if he did. Heat saves Leilene and give her another smoochie-poo for good measure.

I just want to pause and add in that Angelique is ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. She always is standing in the perfect stripper pose with that little pout on her fake lips. She also has already started crushing on 20 Pack and trying to draper herself all over him.

Speaking of 20 Pack! He broke his hand while celebrating his win. That's right folks, he was punching the wall in celebration and all of a sudden says "I just broke my hand." Wow. Three way tie for dummy of the week award: Leilene, 20 Pack and Onyx.

Chet Isn't Half Bad

2009-02-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

It was very difficult this week to watch The Real World with a hater, but I somehow got through the pain. It seems that the rest of the world doesn't not share my love of Ryan. Yes, he is a bit dooshy and he loves the camera - but he is a lovely combination of frat boy and fragile broken army guy who likes to sing. My love is dwindling, but it's still there. Take that, Amy!

We did discover this week that Chet isn't half bad! It seems he'd like to be a tv host of some kind, and his dream is to work on TRL. Poor guy looked heartbroken after walking out of MTV studios having learned that TRL was cancelled recently. I would think if your dream job was to work for a TV show that you love, you'd know that the show was no longer in existence.

Chet does score an interview with (wait for it) Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy! I wonder how he nabbed that. Did it have anything to do with the fact that they go to Angels and Kings every night? Before Chet's big interview with Ashlee Simpson's husband, he interviewed some band I'd never heard of with a chick lead singer. He actually does a nice job and puts the band at ease. Then some dude tells him not to make fun of the band in his interviews, which I didn't notice that he was doing. Haters all around I guess. 'Course that makes Chet a little flustered, but he survives.

Before we get to Chet's big interview, let's talk about Scott. We learned at the end of the last episode that Scott is dating some girl named Marissa, which makes Devyn all pissy. Well guess what, in this episode the two are no longer together. So what does Scott do? He dates a bunch of African-American models. The reason I'm informing you that they're African-American is because Scott told Devyn he only likes Italian girls, and has never dated a black girl. Now he dates two in about a week! And, the date consists of the girls coming over and looking at his modeling pics. Good times. Devyn is all mad that he doesn't want to just show her his modeling pics.

Back to good ol' Chet. For his interview with Mr. Simpson he wants to stand out so he dresses up like Orville Redenbacher, who apparently has his own Web site! Unfortunately, he doesn't realize the interview is not about him. The roomies make fun of Chet, as they should! The interview with Pete goes just fine, but if you ask me Chet does a lot of talking about himself, and goes so far as to ask Pete if he likes his outfit - not what I would do for my first big interview. Pete's all impressed that Chet did research before his interview. Big whoop.

Ryan yells at JD because JD plays a prank on him. Yes, Ryan is the prankster of the house and should be able to take a joke, but he has PSTD! Don't judge him!

One of my favorite parts of The Real World is seeing what's going to happen in the next episode. Well, I forgot what they said would happen :(. Guess we'll all have to just wait and see!

Let's recap though. Chet's stock has gone up, Ryan's is down a tad and Scott is right at the bottom of the barrel with Devyn. In fact he could be lower.

America's Next Drag Superstar

2009-02-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

Find it on VH1. Rupaul hosts. She just said in the preview "The time has come for you to lipsync for your life." Looks like Tori Spelling will guest.

I think I've said enough.

Oh jeez it's starting now. What do I do?

Okay so the remote is lost again ;). I've seen about three men in thongs so far.

I Really Missed Something

2009-02-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you what I missed, an entire episode. It was one that Amy really wanted me to discuss, and now I sort of forgot what happened in that episode - oops. And it appears I've deleted it. Sorry.

I can remember a couple things. Ryan meets some music guy who hooks him up with another producer guy that could maybe give him some sort of opportunity, but I don't really know what his deal was. I do remember they met the music guy at Angels & Kings, which is the Fall Out Boy bar. Gosh, wonder how they got permission to shoot in there all the time? I don't recall them ever going to a different bar so far.

Back to the point, Ryan is all excited and he grabs mohawk Chet to go with him to meet this big fancy producer. Ryan looked all cute and fratty and the meeting started well, but then it went downhill when he had to go ahead and show his stuff.

Ryan was unsure what to share with his newfound friend, and so Chet suggests The Tampon Song. Already I'm sure you are thinking this is a bad idea, and you would be right.

The Tampon Song is basically about how Ryan wishes he were a tampon inside the woman of his lover. This line of thinking didn't go over well for Prince Charles, and the reaction from fancy pants producer let us know that it wasn't going to help Ryan, either. Why would he think singing this song was a good idea? We've heard him sing other songs that aren't half bad. Baya sits and stares at him in awe as he sings the other songs, so maybe those would have been choice at this important moment.

Fancy pants basically tells Ryan he needs to grow up and practice and be serious, and don't let the door hit your butt on the way out. Ryan tries to act cool, but then he snaps at Chet for suggesting The Tampon Song. Totally inappropriate - you dug your own grave my brother.

Aside from Ryan's Tampon Incident, there was some sexual tension between Baya and Ryan in this episode. In the grand tradition of Ryan, his approach is to be mean to her. I'm shocked he didn't try to pull her pigtails. In the end of the episode, Ryan decides to write Baya an e-mail telling her she's cool and he really likes her, but he has a girlfriend. I'm sure in his mind it was long and heartfelt, but to me it was just an immature guy e-mailing his ROOMMATE to tell her that he likes her but he can't do her because he has a girlfriend. If he didn't have a girlfriend, then he would nail her like he knows she wants to be nailed. I'm guessing it was maybe a little less crass, but it was an e-mail. An e-mail people. At least write a handwritten note and shove it under her pillow if you're going to be a wuss about it.

There are a couple of other people in the house, and so let's see what's going on with them. Katelynn is having problems with her boyfriend, Mike. I think it's pretty amazing that Mike is strong enough to not mind having a transgendered girlfriend, and you have to wonder if he knew from the start, or how that conversation went. That's neither here nor there, because now they're together and she explains on her bio page that one day she'd like to marry him. Well, now he won't even return her calls. When they do get in touch, Mike is distant and rude. Katelynn's reaction? She heads to a bar(most likely Angels and Kings)and makes out with a random girl. I might've responded a little differently, if it were me. This topic is dropped and really never picked up again. Even in the NEXT episode that I already covered for you (the one where I hate Devyn), they never mention what happened between the two.

That's all thats fit to print from about three weeks ago (or rather all that I can remember). What've we learned? Ryan is 12, Baya still doesn't have much personality and Katelynn's boyfriend isn't ready to marry her for whatever reason.

Side Note- Ray J What are You Doing?

2009-02-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

So now Ray J has a show on VH1 where he is trying to find love. I saw some previews for his show and thought nothing of it, because I figured it was one of those "let's follow the sort of famous people." Apparently, this is one of those "let's try and date the washed up famous people."

I'm sure there are plenty of you who don't know who Ray J is, so let me pause. There are a number of reasons that Ray J might sound sort of familiar to you:

1. He is an actual recording artist. I really don't know any of his songs, but google search brought up "Sexy Can I," which I have heard on the radio and quickly switched channels. In fact I just asked my local music fiend if she knows any Ray J songs and she said: "one. oh wait, nevermind, thats Ray Ray." So that should tell you something.

2. He's Brandy's brother!

3. He had a sex tape with Kim Kardashian! In fact, she might be the reason he is sorta famous.

Despite the fact that Ray J isn't really known for his music talent, I am shocked that he has sunk to this level. He is good looking and YOUNG. Take a look at some of these photos I found online, this fellow does not need VH1 to find him ladies. I'm not afraid to say he's almost hot. Why on Earth would you enter the realm of old age and skanky skanks by putting yourself on a dating show, Ray J? I didn't actually watch any of the show, because it was too depressing. I saw one moment where Ray J was all into talking to a girl with a tiger tattooed on her FACE. Yup, that was enough for me to say "no thanks."

I did a little searching to figure out why Ray J decided to kill his career, and found this release from VH1 “Ray J may be one of the most infamous playboys in hip-hop, but he still hopes to find that special woman he can settle down with … and VH1 is going to help! The “Sexy Can I” singer is getting his own dating show in 2009, and producers are already looking for smart, attractive women over 21 who think they can handle the drama of celebrity life. If you’re near one of the following locations, e-mail for an audition! Here’s your chance to roll down the red carpet with Ray J!”

Well when you put it like that, I'm upset that I didn't apply! I want to roll down the red carpet with Ray J! But seriously, I tell all my single guy friends when they're ready to settle down with that special woman then go on VH1 and see what happens.

Poor guy, it was nice sort of knowing who you are Ray J. Maybe some of your girls will end up on I Love Money?

I Still Love Money - Tamara the Dummy

2009-02-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

I Love Money 2 premiered last night. And while it won't be the same without my Megan, there are plenty of girlies running around in bikinis and lingerie. None of them measure up in any way, but this could still be a fun season. When I saw the previews a week ago or so I thought about passing up the show. Then I just happened to be home at the right time and figured, why not? Now I'm invested though, and will have to continue until I can not take it any more.

The setup for this show seems the same as the last. Get these "Celebreality" folks together in a lovely location and have them do gross and silly challenges. All of the "cast" members are from the VH1 shows where they tried to find love with washed-up rockers (Bret Michaels), rappers (Flava Flav) and wannabes (Real, Chance and New York). There are also a couple of guys who were on I Love Money 1 (Entertainer and Heat). In a way I thought this was a stupid idea when there are so many people hungry for fame and willing to look stupid for money. However, after I thought about it, really this is a rip-off of MTV's Real World Road Rules Challenges, which has mainly veterans. Though if they're really trying to imitate this show, then they should have had MORE veterans.

I don't want to list all of the cast members, because it would just take up space. If you're curious, click here.

Now that we're all caught up, time to discuss. The contestants I'm happy to see would have to be Buddha, Buckwild, Ice and I suppose that's it. I have a weird thing for Mayamee, though I can't stand writing her name like that. I think she's purrty and she was framed on Flava of Love 2, or 3 - I don't know which. I also find it fascinating that she wraps her weave in plastic wrap and covers it with a swim cap. Frenchie is just a remarkable plastic wonder that I find difficult to look at.

The low points in the cast include MILF (ick), It (if that isn't an act then he has to be mentally handicapped), Heat (hated him the first go around and hate him now). Those are the bottom of the barrel for me, though I have to question why Sapphyri is on the show. She won Charm School, wasn't that enough? At one point she, Buckwild and Leilene (why does she get to use her real name) joke about how they should act right because they were on Charm School and they all laugh and laugh. Saaphyri has also done something to her face and I can't figure out what. I guess that's what the money was spent on and now she needs more.

The first challenge is approaching, and Entertainer already has a plan. Despite the fact that Entertainer is the one that got Heat kicked out of the house (Entertainer swears it was his team, even though in a clip we see Entertainer standing up there all alone kicking out Heat), Heat is willing to do whatever Entertainer says. Entertainer also has the ear of 20 Pack, who let's face it is quite a cutie. Clearly he has no backbone because he is way to eager to do what Entertainer wants. Anyway, Entertainer has his minions and runs around telling everyone to kick off Buddha. Great idea.

Before the challenge, they all get their big cardboard checks. But first, the host (whatever his name is) asks them all why they want the dough. Many have stupid answers and some want to help their family members. Tamara, who I couldn't identify in the background throughout the show, comes forward and says she wants a houseboat. At this point we learn through clips that she was the dummy that went out the wrong door after being kicked off of Rock Of Love. She is a pretty girl, but she tends to make faces in a way that indicates she is on drugs or just plain stupid. Little Prancer wants to be like the big girl and purchase "chi chis" though Bonez says she looks great the way she is. And she does. Prancer could go on my happy to have them on the show list. She's a cutie pie and actually tries hard.

As the challenge approaches, Tamara starts to wig out. She's crying and fearing she shouldn't be there, partly because she can't connect with anyone. T-Weed and some other dude make her feel better and the attention makes her happy.

At the challenge, everyone has to jump in a pile of stinky mud and pull out coins. Then they throw the coins in a bucket. The two with the most will be captain, and won't be eliminated that night. The last person to get picked when the captains pick their teams will go home. Leilene goes first and she can't get any coins. Everyone thinks its tough, until the next person gets a whole slew of them. Tamara jumps in and flails around because, as she says, she is afraid of water. She realizes maybe it's time to reconsider the house boat.

To end the suspense, 20 pack and T-Weed win. Good efforts were made by Entertainer, Prancer and Buddha. Before the teams are picked Leilene and Tamara go beg the boys to pick her. 20 Pack picks Entertainer first, and then lets him pick the entire team. He reports that he is a "soldier not a leader." Loser. T-Weed picks Buddha and Entertainer is pissed because he wanted Buddha to go home. Why on Earth wouldn't you pick Buddha? He is the strongest dude out there. Use him to win some challenges and then get rid of him. T-Weed is looking less and less dumb. So we're down to Leilene and Tamara, who is standing there in shock she was left behind. She's making the stupid face and looks like she's about to fall over. T-Weed has the last pick and rather than just picking Leilene, he wants them to arm wrestle. Tamara whines that this is dumb, but eventually follows through. Leilene wins then Tamara flips out!! Yay a flip out in the first episode. She yells at the crew and the host as well for fooling her and making her look dumb. Sweetie, you did that all on your own. She's been in tons of magazines! This show is beneath her!

In the "This season on I Love Money 2" montage there are a few hints at some fun. Buckwild and Entertainer make out, and Frenchie attacks poor little 20 Pack. There's lots of falling and crying and the obligatory ambulance scene. What I hate is that I saw MILF in a ton of them, which indicates she'll be there a while, but we'll see. Early guesses for winners are Prancer, Buddha and T-Weed.

Sadly, I'm hooked. I'll let you know what goes on next week.

I Heart ABDC

2009-01-30T09:08:00.000-08:00

This isn't a show I would normally blog about, because I really think that America's Best Dance Crew is a fabulous show. Of course we can make fun of Mario Lopez or Lil Mama, but on the whole I think this is just a creative and exciting program that I enjoy watching every time. It is still sort of a reality show, but the difference is there is no fake drama resulting from forcing people to live in the same house. In fact, we have no idea where these people are living, and it doesn't matter. This show is about dancing and just dancing.

There are similarities between ABDC and American Idol, and perhaps the original idea stemmed from AI, but ABDC is so much better. I'm not interested in singing, and it seems like there are thousands out there that can do it well enough to make it onto the show. The songs they pick are cheesy and it doesn't take that much preparation to sing one minute of a song every week. I also hate the stupid audition crap where they make fun of poor schmucks who think they have talent.

ABDC cuts out all that audition junk and goes straight to the competition. A group of dancers that have either been together for years or just formed to dance on the show compete every week by creating a whole new dance routine together with specific challenges. They have to choreograph the entire number from start to finish and then all of them have to practice and practice so that they perform as one cohesive crew. Can you imagine how much stamina and commitment that takes to create and memorize all those steps in the first place, and then bring it all together to perform in front of the judges? Every week they have to produce something new and exciting as the audience voters are fickle. Even the crews that end up near the bottom of the bunch have accomplished an amazing feat by coming up with detailed and intricate routines. This is a show that take pure, raw talent; and if you don't have it the judges can tell.

Let's talk about the judges... Mario Lopez isn't a judge, he's the Ryan Seacrest of the show and he is skilled at looking like a tool as he announces the happenings. But he has sweet dimples and we know from his Saved By The Bell days that he can dance. If only he'd take his shirt off from time to time, then I could excuse his stupid comments.

First for the judges we have Shane Sparks. I guess he is a well-known choreographer, so he brings the "knowledge" to the show. He wears big hats and silly hip-hop outfits, but he is quite lovable. He tends to really like the "b boys" and overlook some of the more interesting groups. But he's not afraid to tell someone if they sucked. He had a really great comment last year about the Boogie Bots that I just can't remember, but it was basically like "That was whack" when they finished.

Lil Mama sits in the middle and also wears funny hats with her "hair" sticking out. She often has a fun nail color. If you've never heard of her, she had one rap song about lipgloss that was mildly catchy and mildly annoyed. That song wasn't really popular and somehow she became the voice of the youth. Regardless of that, I still dig her on the show. She can say mean things that aren't appropriate (to the Boogie Bots, too. Poor guys), but at least she is honest with what she sees. I don't always agree with what she says, but I like that she just says what's she's thinking. She cried this season because one group was from her hometown of Brooklyn. I'm surprised it took three seasons for a group to come from Brooklyn, and I'm still not sure why exactly it made her cry, but it shows the passion!

Last but not least is JC Chasez, formerly of 'N Sync. I know that the only guy we really remember from 'N Sync is Justin, but looking back in the old days JC was really the hot one. Justin was just kind of little and goofy with blonde hair. Now of course Justin is droolworthy, but this show is about JC, and I totally dig him. He's sort of the Simon, but I pretty much always agrees with what he says. He is really good at noticing that one person is not with the rest of them or specifics of the routine. It's hard when there are 9 people on stage flailing around. He's also just a cutie pie in his tight little shirts and his pretty hair cut.

The show itself runs a lot like American Idol. The dancers are given a specific challenge (last week was Brit Spears) and then maybe another challenge on top. The come up with a routine, dance and then the viewers can vote. The two that get the least amount of votes go up and then the judges decide. I think this is a good idea because the judges know when one group has potential better than America, so then they'll keep them around. Last season the winners were in the bottom two about three times.

That's a rundown of the show! I do have to say that I don't think anyone is as talented as the first crew to win: Jabbawockeez. They would do all of their routines wearing masks and still emoted more expression than Baya from the Real World. I also loved the runners up Kaba Modern. Last season, Fanny Pak was the way to go. They were more theatrical, but every dance was creative and exciting.

Here we are at season 3. It's hard to be in later seasons because the bar is always raised and comparisons are made. My favorite crews are Beat Freaks and Strikers All Stars. I very excited about Beat Freaks because usually the all-chick crews just don't cut the mustard, but these gals are AMAZING. I wasn't a fan of Quest Crew (even though I saw them in a hotel when I was in LA!! I didn't know who they were until I got home and saw the first episode and realized HEY!), but they had a great Brit performance. There are two crews that are really different, but I don't think they quite fit. One does clogging, and the other does weird crap where they turn their body all inside out and break their bones. Too bad they don't actually dance...

I'm not going to be blogging about ABDC regularly, because it would just be me gushing about how much I love the show. If you like dance, then you must watch it. Even if you don't like dancing, it's still the best show out there.

Maybe I Missed Something?

2009-01-29T09:23:00.000-08:00

As I watched Real World Brooklyn, there were a ton of things that I could make fun of. Drunky JD outing Katelynn (even though everyone knew), and then insisting his tranny friend from American Idol was a better singer than Devyn. The tranny challenges Devyn who is pissed she didn't have time to prepare. Scott- what does he do all day to never be in any episodes- telling Devyn she should always be prepared which is 100 percent true. Devyn is too good for theatre because she is the only one in the world who was trained in college. Devyn is 30 minutes late to an audition with a casting director because she accidentally drove to New Jersey on her way to Manhattan. Why the hell are they driving anywhere when they live in Brooklyn? I'm hating Chet less and less as he is forming sort of a sweet relationship with a model (?). Then I am reminded that Chet is a virgin and so he can't really have fun with the aforementioned model. Not nearly enough of my beloved Ryan in the episode!

What really stood out in my mind was the Sarah story line with her father. The way the Real World unspooled this is that some random guy calls for Sarah and won't say who he is. Finally, he gets Sarah on the line and he says "it's your dad." Sarah gets really upset, but rather than simply hanging up asks why he is calling and how did he get the number. And by the way how DID he get the number? It's not like you can just look it up online, I'm thinking it's privately listed. So either a friend of Sarah handed out, which seems unlikely; her mom gave it out, also unlikely; or the producers gave him the info, which is my guess. Sarah listens to her father who clearly doesn't understand what the problem is. Sarah listens for a while then cries.

This blog is not to judge Sarah in any way, because if you feel that you have been wronged unnecessarily than that is your business. However, when you choose to display your life to millions of viewers it is no longer just your business. At first I really felt bad for Sarah. If it were me I would've hung up the phone immediately, but that's me. Her dad calls AGAIN and then Sarah listens for a bit before after a few minutes hanging up. Sarah's father wants to reconnect and apparently this is something he tries every few months. I assumed that he had done something inexcusable, and so Sarah's anger is understandable. I have never been in such a position so I have no idea if I could forgive someone and what would have to be done to mend the bridge with my family member.

However, as the episode goes on, Sarah has a heart to heart with Devyn of all people. I don't think I've seen Devyn speak to anyone except Scott and JD, and she was yelling at JD for instigating a situation where she was brought on stage at a club to show her stuff. What a horrible thing to have an opportunity to sing in front of people that could potentially help you get somewhere in life. Anyway, Sarah is confiding in Devyn and says that when she was little she was sexually abused by a day care worker. That is terrible. My heart goes out to her, it's horrible. Then Sarah continues and explains that after her parents split up, her dad took her camping. Her dad only brought one sleeping bag. Sarah called her mom, and basically has not spoken to her dad since. Huh? Side note, Devyn was putting on make-up the entire time and did not react to one thing Sarah said. If she had been listening perhaps she could have asked Sarah to elaborate and I wouldn't be so confused.

Granted, The Real World does not hire the most talented editors. Perhaps there was more to the conversation, or even more reason why Sarah hates her dad, but bringing one sleeping bag on a camping trip is not enough. Sarah goes on to say that they tried to prosecute and arrest her dad, but no one would bring charges because he didn't actually do anything. My point exactly. Now, this is a sticky line because of course it would be much worse if she didn't write off her dad for good and something HAD happened, but my point is I'm not sure if anything was GOING to happen. Maybe he thought he brought two but accidentally brought one and planned on sleeping on the ground. Part of this story is missing. This is a huge deal and a sensitive issue so I will not judge, I will merely remained confused at what the big deal actually is for Sarah. Maybe more will come out later? During her conversations with her dad, we hear him say that this is silliness and she's just buying into the lies Sarah's mom has been spewing. Maybe this is true? When we see Sarah talk to her mom, they have this eerie self-help mantra where Sarah insists she will be strong and not a victim. Then Sarah goes off to find ways to help others in NY who were abused, which is really great she's helping- but.

I guess I hope that more of the story is revealed, because right now I'm not sure what exactly Sarah's dad did, if anything. And again this is a sensitive topic and if Sarah believes something happened than that is awful to carry around, but maybe some clarification would help everyone out?

That's all to report from last night's episode. I just want to say more Ryan next time please. And I'm slowly starting to hate Devyn.

The Lame Bus Pulled Up to the House

2009-01-26T17:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so two weeks ago the lame bus pulled up to the Real World house. I have to say that I like these kids more than some of the others. These kids are not just interested in making out and getting drunk; however, they are all on some high horses and think that they are the smartest kids to ever live.

Let's start at the beginning. Apparently JD has a big... member. Chet is obsessed with the fact that JD is using huge condoms, which is appropriate since we have to assume at some point Chet will realize he is gay. All of a sudden, there is a banana in a condom floating in the fish tank. Chet and Ryan think this is hilarious. And while it's not that funny, it's not really a big deal. JD freaks out and insists there are no more pranks!! Chet apologizes, though doesn't understand why JD is so bothered. Turns out JD is mad that Chet went through his things to get the condoms, while Chet insists he bought a whole new box for this prank. Um, OK.

Time for everyone to go to a gay club! Yay. Chet dresses like someone who belongs at a gay club, and Ryan makes fun of him. At the club JD dares Ryan to dance with the drag queen announcer, then he dares him to kiss her. The Queen pretends to go for Ryan's cheek and then gets his lips. Ryan is a good sport about the whole thing.

Btw I'm sure I have the order of this all wrong.

Katelynne comes out to Sara, who of course is so happy that she is a part of Katelynne's world. The two sit around and talk about existentialism or other such important topics that make them feel brilliant. You know, those talks you have in college when you're high and know that you are better than everyone else? Those talks. Ryan and Chet listen and that is one Ryan reveals that the lame bus has pulled up to the house. Which cracks me up. Oh, Ryan, I still love you so.

Baya goes to audition for some hip hop conservatory. She isn't a bad dancer, but watch her face, she's thinking too much. She is all nervous that she won't be accepted and she's not good enough. But she's accepted, golly I wonder why they let her in? Free publicity could it be? She TURNS THEM DOWN. I have no idea why. Now I hate her. She says she can't give it her all. Then why did she try out?

Katelynn also tells Baya she is transgendered, and Baya is cool. I don't think Katelynn has told the guys yet, but I'm not sure. We know they know.

Chet's family comes to visit. They are a whole band of aryan-looking mormans from Utah. Although they look like scary stepford family, they're pretty nice to everyone and accepting. JD loves Chet's family.

JD gets drunk! He comes home from a night out after everyone and complains that the person at the shop around the corner doesn't speak English. Chet is APALLED (!) that JD would be so ignorant. JD points out that he is a second-generation American and his parents don't speak English. Little aryan Chet explains that those people in the store work hard and try their best. How dare JD. How dare he!! Chet just wants to make it seem like he isn't aryan and ignorant, but he's just making himself look worse.

How to Be a Golddigger By Jeana and Vicki

2009-01-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

First of all, that whole to be continued mess from the last uber exciting episode was a bust. We started where we left off at Tamra's party with miss Gretchen wasted off her butt. She and Ryan were in a bathroom (?) or something with the door closed. Gretchen is telling Ryan that he can't make out with her, but golly he is so cute. 1. No, he is not cute. Not at all. 2. I don't know if I believe that behind closed doors he wasn't being all grabby grabs. A few seconds later Ryan emerges looking sheepish - and that's it.

I am soooooo tired of Jeana talking about her ex-husband making her not want to exercise. For most people that would just be motivation to kick ass. And she's a rich real estate agent, she must have some sort of get up and go. So get up and go woman! After more complaints and inspiration from a trainer, Jeana has lunch with Gretchen. Sometimes I like Jeana, often I don't. She rarely says anything interesting and doesn't take into account other peoples' feelings (see Vicki and Frankie). Lunch is too boring to cover here.

Lynne makes bracelets! Or, rather, cuffs. You can see some of them in this article about her. Though you sadly can't see why I make fun of her boobs so often. And her hair usually doesn't look this shiny and nice. Anyway, as you can see some are cool and some look like I made them in a 7th grade art project. These puppies go for about $300-$500. We get to watch her struggle to make them in her kitchen. All the while she is explaining how hard she works. The others think that she isn't really working because she doesn't actually have a day job.

The girls go on a trip (minus Tamra) to Fred Segal in LA to have their own personal scents created. I'm not sure who comes up with these little activities (hat parties, etc.) but these ladies must not be working THAT hard if they have time to trudge around and waste all this time. While they're there, Gretchen notices some "toys," which are all fancy and expensive. They're also barely thicker than a pen, so I don't understand what makes that any fun. Prices vary depending on the design that's on them, which I think is just cosmetic. They looked sort of icky, and wouldn't the metal be cold?

After they all have their own special scent -it's lunch time! Now here's when the crazy emerges. Gretchen is talking about how she isn't working because taking care of Jeff is a full-time job!! She used to be a Realtor (no comment) but she isn't really doing that now. Vicki starts to explain that she has to make sure that she is taken care of after Jeff passes. And Gretchen says she doesn't know if she is. Now all of a sudden, Vicki and Gretchen are determined to explain to Gretchen how to make sure that she is in the will. They're giving her advice on how to ask, what to say, etc., and she is eating it up. Wait a second. I thought the reason they all made fun of Gretchen is because she is a golddigger, but now they're advising her on how to make sure she's getting the gold? What? Then poor little Lynne decides to butt in and express that it shouldn't matter if she gets the money, because Jeff could just get better, that should be the focus right now! The very notion of this makes Vicki's head spin. Apparently that just isn't practical. Vicki returns to explaining that it is important for Gretchen to be taken care of for all of her hard work. No one seems to think that Gretchen should just look for a job if something happens and she's not "taken care of." They also suggest perhaps they just get married before he croaks. Again, poor Lynne is so confused. She tries to speak up again about how the point is to make sure Jeff gets better. Jeana and Vicki are ready to rip her eyes out. When Lynne says money isn't important, Jeana replies with "Fine, give me yours and see how you do." Whoah!

This conversation goes on for about twenty minutes. It is so frustrating because it's horribly inappropriate and the girls are being extremely insensitive and hypocritical! How I wish Tamra had been there, she would've had the correct thing to say. Finally, Vicki has decided that Lynne is basically mentally challenged and rude. The conversation ends and now Vicki complains that her appetite is gone and the entire lunch is ruined. What? It's ridiculous. Gretchen is a hot momma who clearly has no problem making out with old ugly guys. If she doesn't get any dough from Jeff (which she probably will) then she can just move on to the next guy and make sure she's married before he gets sick. She's missed the boat with Jeff, it's too inappropriate now to even consider asking him if she's in the will. When would you EVER ask that? As hard-working women who earn their own money, I'm surprised that Jeana and Vicki wouldn't be encouraging Gretchen to start thinking of a career to pursue after Jeff passes. I'm not going to say that Lynne's hopes that love will conquer all and they should just wish that Jeff gets better is the right sentiment, but she sure didn't deserve the verbal abuse thrown at her. My advice? Get a damn job, Gretchen.

Montage-Happy Momma's Boys Comes to an End

2009-01-20T17:55:00.000-08:00

Phew, it's finally over and I can move on with my life. At least I can move forward to more realistic (?) shows.

Back in St. Thomas, each of the guys gets to go on a romantic date with the chicks that their mothers picked.

Jojo goes first, and since his Mom didn't pick a lady to accompany him, Mrs. B. gets to go on a date with her son. This whole sequence here couldn't be less creepy. Mrs. B. and Jojo go parasailing together, and the whole time Mrs. B. is giggling and laughing like a school girl. Now, I'm sure there was some editing done to make this look worse, but Mrs. B. is clearly overly obsessed with her son. She continually talks about how hot he is and how much she loves him. Jojo is a tad uncomfy, but he certainly loves all the attention from mommy. Mommy couldn't imagine a better date than her son. After parasailing, they have a romantic dinner. Mrs. B. invites Jojo into the ocean, where Jojo and Mindy made out just last episode. He politely declines. Montage of Mrs. B.'s scary behavior and lust over her son.

Now it's time for Rob to hang with Lauren. They do something involving bikinis, and man that girl is skinny. A few more latkes couldn't hurt my girl one bit, so eat darling, eat. They eke out a good time and Lauren even goes in for the smooch. Um, stop the presses please, I have just witnessed an ANTM preview. Apparently the preview is COMING SOON. Sorry, Momma's Boys, I am easily distracted. Where was I? Robby and Lauren enjoy making out, that's about it. Robby starts to see that maybe his mom was right, especially because Lauren like to make out. Robby can't help but have a mini montage in his head about making out with Camilla.

Michael's turn! We save the best for last because we know that Erica is finally going to admit the truth!! The two have a nice date on a fancy boat and there is a clear chemistry between the two. Looking at Erica in a bikini, I can sure see how she is the Penthouse Playmate of the Year. All the while, Erica is getting nervous about the fact that she has to tell him the truth. They each get a massage, and btw I don't see how those things are romantic. I would prefer to enjoy big strong hands on my back either by my man, or on my own. No thanks on the couples massage. So while they're getting massages, Erica has a montage obsessing about how she's going to reveal the truth.

They two dress for dinner and before embarking on a lovely meal, Erica sits Michael down to tell him the truth. First, she starts balling (always a good move). Then finally she tells him that she did nude modeling, and THEN she tells him that she was the 2008 Penthouse Pet of the year. Michael is not happy. He's pissed about the Penthouse thing and the fact that she lied, because she did in fact die. Michael storms out and needs time alone. After the date, Erica is worried about telling Lorraine. Montage of the lovefest between Lorraine and Erica. Erica sits Lorraine down to talk. First, she cries! Then she explains. Lorraine doesn't care. She is so in love with Erica that nothing could make her feel less love for her potential daughter in law.

Now that the show is coming to a close, we learn that the end of the show results in the guys going on a vacation with the girls they pick. That's is all. A VACATION. There is no obligation to pretend to date anyone, you just get to go on a nice vacay and make out. No pressure as far as I can see.

Moms get a chance to tell sons what to do. Esther wants Robby to pick Lauren. Mrs. B. wants Jojo to come home with her because Mindy isn't good enough. Lorraine pleads for Michael to still pick Erica. Michael makes the first funny statement of the show and points out that he is picking between a Penthouse model and a medical student, and his mom wants him to pick the Penthouse model. What a great point. Why the hell doesn't Lorraine care???

Okay, we're all on the beach in our finest duds. Robby goes first and he has decide between Camilla and Lauren. He hems and haws for a second and then picks Lauren. Esther is pleased, Camilla is said. Camilla knows that this pick was for Esther and is convinced Robby will call her.

Michael's turn and he picks Amanda. Erica's secret was too much, so he went with the other girl, despite his mom's wishes. Though, actually, Lorraine didn't dislike Amanda, she just has a girl-crush on Erica. No one is really upset, except for Jeff. At this point Jeff is convinced that the show will go 0-3 on wrong choices.

Cut to Jojo standing in front of Mindy looking pretty boobalicious and his MOM. Is there really any question here? PICK MINDY!! Go to the beach with Mindy and have mad crazy sex and then ditch her afterwards. Why would your mom care if you went on a trip with some chick? It's not really picking someone over her, so get a life and leave your son alone! The fact that Jojo takes more than one second to make this easy choice is telling. Run Mindy, run. Now Mindy decides to speak for about 5 minutes and repeats the same thing over and over. She says that she will never be good enough and doesn't want to go. She also says that if he doesn't stand up to his mother he will never have a real relationship. This might actually strike a chord because finally Jojo says he's going to take a stand and take Mindy! Even though Mindy said about three times she didn't want to go, all of a sudden she smiles and they hug.

First we see Mrs. B. shocked and appalled. She just wants to go home and not talk to anyone. We get some updates through subtitles. Robby went home early alone, so I guess it didn't work out well with momma's pick. We see that Erica took a trip to Florida to visit... Lorraine! I wonder if that was awkward because I'm guessing that Michael still lives there. That's it! No clue if Jojo and Mindy enjoyed themselves, or if Michael had any fun with lame Amanda. I guess we'll just have to wonder forever and ever.

I am so ashamed that I caught every episode of this mess.

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

2009-01-18T15:06:00.000-08:00

I am completely caught up on Mamma's Boys! Its a good thing since tomorrow is the finale. I can't believe we've come this far. I am just a day away from seeing my little mamma's boys happily in love with the girl of their dreams. Ahem.

First of all, let's clear up where I was completely wrong. Robby did pick Nikki (whoever that is) and Jojo picked Julie to go on a romantic getaway. Now Julie is one I know I've reaaaallly never heard of, so good for her for sneaking on in there. I also discovered that St. Thomas is the location of the romantic getaway for this show, which, oddly enough, is also where Real and Chance took their ladies. Look, what can I say it was on at the gym and I accidentally watched some of it, sue me.

Back to Momma's Boys, I think I've filled in all those silly missing blanks and can move on to this week's show!

Everyone is in St. Thomas and poor Mrs. B is having a horrible time. She, Jojo, Mindy and Julie are in the hot tub and she proclaims that Mindy has huge boobies. Mindy does indeed have big fake boobies, but we didn't need Mindy to point them out. Jojo just sits there silent.

Megan and Michael go on a yacht and make out the whole time. Michael later has a date with Amanda, and they go scuba diving. Tra la la it's lots of fun and kissing and I hit fast forward.

Jojo goes out on a date with Mindy, who is upset that he didn't stand up for her when Mrs. B. talked about her big knockers. I wanted Jojo to say "But you do have big beautiful bubbly boobies hanging out of your bathing suit! She was just marveling at their man-made brilliance." In truth, I'm happy Mindy stood up for herself, though it looked like as she spoke Jojo just tuned her out and looked at those lovely breasts.

Camilla and Robby go out on the town, and they seem to really be enjoying themselves. I almost believe that they are truly starting to maybe like one another. Meanwhile, Esther is at home seething. She is convinced that Robby and Camilla are just friends. Then we cut to them making out as I fast forward. Esther has a problem with Camilla, and we can tell that it's not because this dark-skinned beauty isn't Jewish. At one point Esther says that Camilla is too tall for Robby. Sounds like Mrs. B. saying Brittney's butt is too big.

For some reason, Michael gets a second date and takes Amanda out. Poor Penthouse Erica doesn't get a date, but oh well. I'm not sure why Micheal is the only that gets two dates, but in all honesty I did fast forward a lot; I can't take all the smoochies. They have fun scuba diving and tra la la etc.

The guys talk to their mommies about their dates and upcoming decisions. Esther is not happy that Robby likes Camilla and she explains that it's a cultural thing. If Robby truly wants to live a Jewish lifestyle, which he says he does, then Camilla is the right pick. Esther says he's better off with Lauren or Nikki, neither of which do anything in this episode. Robby does call his mother out on the fact that Nikki isn't Jewish so why is it that Camilla is wrong and Nikki is OK? Esther deflects the questions. Mrs. B would just come out and be racist, while Esther at least has the ability to hide her true feelings a little bit. She doesn't have a case here. If it is truly about Judaism, then Lauren is the only pick. Clearly, there is another problem in her eyes.

Lorraine pleads to Michael to get rid of Megan. She was in Playboy! She's totally wrong, and she dresses so provocatively! I can not WAIT until Lorraine finds out that Erica has probably shown a lot more than just her boobies in Penthouse.

No one really cares about Jojo and Mrs. B, especially since we already knows she hates Mindy and Julie, whoever that is.

This week's twist is that the moms pick the woman that the boys will have their final romantic date with, and then the guys have to send one home. The moms are very predictable: Lorraine picks Erica, Esther picks Lauren and Mrs. B. picks no one.

Robby keeps Camilla, Jojo keeps Mindy and Michael says golly he just can not decide! So what he's going to do is follow his mom's wishes and send Megan home. Poor Nikki and Julie never had a chance.

Next week is the finale! While I couldn't care less about that so much, I'm excited for the sparks to fly when Erica reveals her secret past. Nice work on holding that information in for so long. Will it hurt her or help her? I'll let you know.

Mrs. B Learns a Lesson - Sort of

2009-01-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

As usual I'm way behind on my shows. I shouldn't even bother mentioning it because it's just a given. However, I have a small dilemma because I do like to link back to the Momma's Boys site so that my faithful readers can have a visual of the tramp-tastic lady I'm discussing at the moment. But since I'm a week off I'm going to see who was left in the dust in the episode I haven't had the pleasure to watch. Dilemmas dilemmas.

I'd like to pause for a second to thank Ms. Erin Brady of Glassman Media for digging up my blog and sending me a pink Momma's Boys hat for showing support for the show. Pink isn't really my color, but its a nice reminder by my lap top that perhaps maybe some people are reading this! Though it was a very lovely gesture, it is not going to keep me from expressing my honest thoughts about this silly show that is completely and utterly staged.

In this episode, the girls get to celebrate the holidays with their boys! They even fly in some young relatives to join festivities, and force the girls to get in touch with their motherly instincts. Jojo and Michael will have a fake Christmas, while Robby and his ladies can learn all about Hanukah. In this episode, it is revealed for the first time that Esther's favorite girl, Lauren, is Jewish. Well now Esther's love for her makes sense! However, its surprising that of 32 women they could only scrape up one full Jew and a half Jew, who was cut rather early. Robby has mentioned that religion is important in his life, so if the producers really wanted to find him a mate, maybe they could've rounded up more Jews. We're everywhere!

So during Hanukah Lauren sneered at all the girls that were trying to learn to be Jewish. Camilla, who is actually quite adorable, and possibly my favorite, really made an effort to learn how to light candles and make latkes. It's a shame she forgot the word dreidel two seconds after she learned it, especially since this is something that I thought Christians learned in school when the teacher pretended to care about Hanukah.

In the middle of Michael's Christmas party, he gets a text from Megan to meet her downstairs. I never knew the girls had the guy's phone numbers! Michael heads downstairs and sees Megan in a little lingerie outfit that looks like a santa's helper costumer or something. Who the hell has that in general, let alone brings it on a trip. Megan is on-call for Playboy, so I guess it makes sense. Michael is pleased as punch and they make out for a while. Upstairs, Erica, Lorraine's favorite, is trying to make nice with the imported young relative, and everyone wonders where Michael could possibly be.

I can't remember what went down with Jojo, so it must not have been that interesting.

After the holiday parties, the guys get to go on some more one-on-one dates. Jojo picks Misty, and Mrs. B freaks, because Misty is of course black. Mrs. B confront Misty, who is silly enough to defend herself. There are some heated words.

Jojo and Misty go on their date and Mrs. B follows them in a helicopter. She spots them kissing and she wails and cries like nobody's business. When she lands back at the house she tells both Camilla and Maisha (Moesha) how she is completely devastated that her boy would disobey her like this. At that point, Maisha lets Mrs. B know that maybe what she said can be hurtful, especially because she doesn't want Jojo to date a black woman. Mrs. B insists she just has opinions, but then says she didn't mean to hurt anyone. Group hug!

When Misty returns Mrs. B apologizes, and Misty accepts. Another hug!

Honestly, I can't remember if there were any other dates on this episode, there must have been, but they probably weren't exciting. Instead of a normal elimination, each boy gets to invite two girls to go to a tropical location and then their mom gets to pick one.

Robby picks Camilla, and Esther is a bit upset. Esther says that it is because she wants Robby with a Jewish girl. I think that Esther is a bit upset that Camilla is black. If Esther only wants a Jewish girl, then Lauren is the only option, which we addressed before. Then Robby invites Amanda, but she says that she isn't really into him and doesn't want to take some other girl's spot. This is really generous of her, but we all know she really likes six-pack Michael. Greedy, aren't we? Robby then invites another random girl and acts like she was the first choice. I think it's this Nikki girl.. .but I'm not sure. Esther predictably picks Lauren.

Michael picks Erica, which is so stupid because he knew that his mom was going to pick her and could've picked someone else. Michael then walks over to all the girls and tells Michelle and Megan to come forward. Previously, everyone went to a little nook by the pool to find out their fate. He then picks Megan and gives Michelle the boot. Lorraine should be happy, but she hates Megan, too, because of the whole Playboy thing. See, if Michael had let Lorraine pick Erica he could've had both his dumb blondes!! Lorraine then picks Amanda. Lucky her for getting a second chance, though I really don't like her all that much. She's clearly only interested in looks and I hopes she falls on her butt in the end. But she is a med student and so all the mommies like her.

It's Jojo's turn, and he brings Misty over to tell her that he's letting her go because she disrespected Mrs. B. Really, Mrs. B. disrespected Misty, but who's counting. This is the exact same thing that happened to Vita. In the end, either Jojo is also racist like his mom, or he's so afraid of her that he won't date a black woman. Jojo picks Mindy, and some other blonde I'd never heard of. Come to think of it, maybe Nikki was Jojo's? Eh, it doesn't matter because the Web site informs me that Nikki was cut in the episode I haven't watched yet. I hope you're not getting all your news on the show from me because clearly my memory is shot.

Now it's Mrs. B's turn to pick, and she decides that no one is good enough for her son so she's not picking anyone!! Left behind are little cut Liz and Maisha. Even though Mrs. B and Maisha had that great talk, she's not good enough for Jojo. So there.

Now everyone is off to a romantic getaway!

Greedy Gretchen

2009-01-14T14:30:00.000-08:00

Oh boy oh boy! This week's episode of RHOC did not dissapoint. Actually, most of it sucked, but then when Tamra threw her ettiquette party and Gretchen got wasted, the mortifying fun began.

Oops, I just realized I completely skipped last week's episode, which was pretty lame overall. Most of it was spent at a race track with stupid hats. One funny point was that Gretchen insisted on getting a pink hat, even though Tamra was wearing pink. Gretchen bought all the pink hats at a private hat party, only to show up in a completely colored hat. At the race track, Tamra and Vicki sat in a corner avoiding everyone else like children. Gretchen pretended not to care and flitted about while Lynne sat and moped.

Now for this week's show, let me touch on some of the less exciting parts of the show. Vicki went to Chicago and visited with her family. She said "I love you," to her mom, at which her mom replied, "thank you." While yes this is an odd response, Vicki went on and on about it reminding us yet again that she is starved for both love and attention.

Lynne and her husband go to dinner as Raquel takes a gaggle of fuzzy-faced girls bowling. At first I was utterly confused as to why half of the girls didn't want their faces shown, but then I realized that the girls were drinking and either a. they were underage and couldn't be shown or b. they were underage and didn't WANT to be shown. However, I'm guessing since they went bowling with all the cameras around they didn't mind being on TV, so Bravo (who informed viewers at the end of the show that they don't condone underage drinking just in case we thought they did) decided to blur out their faces, which was really really distracting. So the girls would drink in the bathroom and then come out and be annoying and I know that if I were bowling at that alley I'd want to punch them all in their blurry faces.

Throughout the show Gretchen tears up in front of a sign that says "hospital" about how hard it is to spend so much time in the hospital. I wanted to give her a hug and assure her it will all be worth it when the will arrives. However, honestly it probably is sort of tough spending all your time at a hospital watching someone die, even if you don't really care about him all that much.

Now for the good stuff! Tamra is taking ettiquette classes because she doesn't now how to be polite. Money can buy you boobs but not class, though it can buy you ettiquette. To show off the skills that she's sort of learned, she throws a dinner party for all the girls on the show. Sometimes I wonder if Tamra has other friends, because mostly she hangs out with the people on the show, even though it's clear she doesn't like Gretchen or even know Lynne is alive.

Tamra plans a fancy shindig and hires a chef. Apparently Ryan has received a bartending degree (who dares call him lazy!) and so he'll be helping out at the bar. Gretchen arrives in a pretty cute hot pink dress, but as per usual her make-up is piled on in six layers. Gretchen notices Ryan is male and thinks she cute and sets her sights on her target.

Simon is apparently investing in a tequila company, so tequila shots for everyone! Gretchen complains about her rough times and proclaims she is drinking tonight! They sit down to dinner and everyone has place cards with a little nickname. Gretchen doesn't have one and pouts until they suggest one for him. Simon throws out Greedy Gretchen, claiming its because she likes attention. Cut to Tamra telling the camera "if it looks like a golddigger..." Finally! Someone has actually invoked the G word for Gretchen, and not a moment too soon. Gretchen wasn't the least bit offended by her new nickname.

As the night goes on, Tamra decides to keep Gretchen's shot glass full. Gretchen gets drunker and drunker, and Ryan finally pulls up a chair right next to her. They're a little touchy touchy feely feely, and Tamra warns Gretchen her son is a man-whore.

1. I don't know how I'd feel if my mother referred to me as a man-whore.
2. I don't think I would act like a man-whore in front of my mother, because that was what Ryan was doing.

Vicki and Tamra are getting a kick out of this, and the whole table actually seems to find Gretchen amusing. She likes attention normally, so now imagine her drunk and loud. Jeana is trying to hide the full glasses of alcohol, and Lynne is trying to tell Gretchen to stop. Oh, wait, Lynne is there? I did notice some big balloons, but I didn't know they belonged to anyone.

Eventually, they get up from the table and now Gretchen is dancing and basically lifting up her skirt. Ryan has his hands all over her and everyone is just standing around watching the spectical. The odd thing is that in Gretchen's confessions to the camera about the night, she doesn't seem the least bit embarrassed. I was so uncomfortable I had to hide my face in my TV watching partner's fur multiple times. It was that bad and that good at the same time.

Lynne wants to drive Gretchen home, but Tamra insists that Gretchen can stay with her. Undoubtably so that her man-whore son can jump on Gretchen and prove that she is just a golddigger with no feelings for her fiancee.

As the show comes to an end, Gretchen and Ryan have disappeared! We focus in on a shut door and hear their voices with subtitles, which we've learned from Joe Millionaire years ago means something naughty is going on. Gretchen left because she "had to go potty" and Ryan is helping. She informs him that he can't kiss her or make out with her, and he does that whiney boy's "why" thing. She playfully insists and then tells him that he his hot. He returns the sentiment.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I can't wait.

Where Brooklyn At?

2009-01-11T13:21:00.001-08:00

Every season I get i somewhat excited about the new Real World. Before it begins there are lots of teasers and hints at what is to come. Whoever edits those teasers should make more money because every season I think it looks awesome and then it's a big let down. Real World L.A. was the biggest bust in a long time, and so this one couldn't be worse! Remember the guy that got voted onto the show via the Internet? The one who thought he was better than everyone else and was too ordinary and stupid looking to actually be a model? He sort of reminded me of a guy I dated once.

Well, now that I've seen the first episode, I still have a little bit of excitement. The montage at the end of the show following the announcement "This season on the Real World," looked to be a snooze, but I'm giving it a chance!!

As per usual not much happened on the first episode. The scuttlebutt is that there are 8 cast members and for the first time they aren't actually given a job of some sort to pretend to care about. I love how they just go ahead and refer to them as cast members now, confirming the fact that not much about the show is real anymore. They didn't confirm in this episode that they won't have a job, but I did read that somewhere.

Anyway, everyone meets each other and they all love each other from the start. Instead of providing the boring first-ep details, I'm going to provide a rundown of the "cast." I don't like saying cast, though I guess it's better than characters. For the record, I already have a little crush on Ryan. To be fair I'll list my thoughts on everyone in alphabetical order.

Baya- This little thing came to New York to dance. We really don't find out much about her, but man she is tiny tiny. I think it's cool that she wants to dance. Jeff did some Wiki research on all the cast members and learned that she suffers from panic attacks. There was no evidence of this yet, but I'm sure the casting director thought it would be neat if she freaked out.

Chet - This hipster blonde from Salt Lake City is still a virgin. Initially people think he is gay because he wears super tight skinny jeans. No opinion on this guy yet, it could go either way. His picture on his bio page looks real purrty.

Devyn - A former Miss Missouri, Devyn has really big fake boobies. She has a big crush on Scott, who is just as bland. I knew going in that there was a transgendered cast member, and for a second I thought she was the one. I guess not, though I have to wonder how she became Miss Missouri when I initially though she was the one that was formally a man.

JD - Here is our gay housemate! Yay! He seems really passionate about everything. He feels a special bond with Katelynn because they are both "different." I can see how his angelic persona could get super annoying.

Katelynn - Katelynn is the transgendered cast member! She recently got her operation completed in Thailand, which I can't wait to hear about. I have to pause and report that none of this should be read with sarcasm. I'm not going to say I like Katelynn, because I don't know if I do yet. However, I really admire what she is doing by coming on this show and letting the world know who she is. It is very brave for her to live in a house where there are undoubtedly going to be people who do not agree with her life choices and will not be open to learning about who she is. We haven't seen this yet because she hasn't revealed her secret to anyone, but I can't imagine everyone on the show will understand. Not only is she living r sin this house with strangers, but she is exposing the whole world to her story. I am really anxious to see how her experience unfolds. Additionally, when she tries she looks great. In some ways she is more feminine than Isis from ANTM.

Ryan - And here is my crush! In the first episode at least, Ryan is the one that received the most attention. Every season there is one person that gets the most screen time and so far Ryan is the guy. Not only is he just plain cute in a non-frat way, but he says whats up. He immediately says something about Katelynn without using hushed tones and fearing what people with think. Granted he could've been a tad more tactful, he seems genuinely interested in hearing more. I am in no way shape or form into military men, but the fact that Ryan served in Iraq doesn't turn me off. Jeff learned from Wiki that he guarded Sadaam when he was on trial!! How cool is that? Sadly that didn't come up in the first episode. He also wrote a book! Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend back home. We'll see how long that lasts, although I can't see who he would go for in the house.

Sarah - Lots of tattoos! She must be creative and interesting? I have no idea, she didn't really do much. She is really animated when she talks.

Scott - I'm pretty confident that Scott shaves his armpits and his chest. He is some sort of fitness freak and he's going to be on the cover of some men's magazine. Scott says about two words in the show. He's also totally not my type.

On the whole, it seems this cast is a bit more diverse than usual. Perhaps not diverse in terms of race per say, but in terms of backgrounds and personalities. There is no hot little chick, well I guess Devyn is supposed to be that, but she isn't a little bimbo slut. There also aren't any frat guys, because chiseled Scott is more interested in working out then anything else. That's a quick assessment. Now I have to catch up on some other shows.

Good Luck Whitney!

2009-01-11T13:13:00.000-08:00

I watched about five minutes of The City. I had no idea who the people were or what the hell they were talking about. Whitney had some conversation with her Australian guy with silly hair about their relationship that made no sense. I didn't know anyone could be less direct than Lauren.

This is my first and last post about The City. Good luck Whitney!

I have had a request from someone to blog about Bromance, but I don't think I can do that either. Seeing that preppy blonde guy cry in the preview was just too much to bear. Although, Brody is a cutie pie. Yum.

Lip Tattoos and Bad Wives

2009-01-11T12:50:00.000-08:00

Oh boy I'm so behind. I guess I warned you in the beginning this would happen. I am a week behind on Momma's Boy, I haven't even looked at the new Bachelor, I watched Real World and that one is coming next. So lucky readers here is a rundown of Real Housewives from about three weeks ago. I watched it about three weeks ago, too, so let's see what my little memory can muster up. This time at least you'll know it's truly the good stuff, because that's all I can remember.

First off, new insta-best friends Vicki and Tamra are still in Havasu. If you remember waaaay back, a preview informed us that Jeana was going to do something really really horrible. Turns out, she invited Frankie to come to Havasu with her. Frankie and Vicki hate each other because Vicki rented Frankie a house that needed construction, and he didn't pay all that he was supposed to pay. The details are hazy (natch) and so really who knows which side to take because Vicki is melodramatic and annoying, but Jeana is sort of mean and Frankie seems self-centered. Log me on team Vicki I suppose, because regardless of who is right in this sitch, Jeana knows Vicki and Frankie aren't cool and thus really shouldn't have invited him to Havasu at the same time. Vicki doesn't want to sit by them, and they all whisper and giggle. Tamra tries to play both sides, but ultimately she stays true to her new bff. Jeana thinks everyone should grow up, though it was hardly mature of her to bring him in the first place. Also, he seems like the kind of guy that gets cold sores, what happens to the tattoo then?

Meanwhile, back in the OC, new girl Lynne is preparing her daughter Raquel's bday party. Raquel is whining about the dress she is wearing and all of sudden wants to wear her sister Alexa's dress instead. Alexa seems to do whatever Raquel wants and so they change clothes. The cool thing is, Alexa is about a foot taller than Raquel, so the little teeny dress Raquel was wearing looks ridiculous on her younger, taller and skinnier sister. They head to lunch and Alexa runs into her boyfriend on the way, who tells her she looks like a prostitute, that's the kind of sweet nothings I'd like to hear. The party is a snooze and Raquel gets a car.

Kara has to get a job so she works at a boutique for kid's clothes that probably cost more than anything I own. I do commend Jeana for making her kids work and not just handing them dough. Kara wants to make the job more fun and helps her boss redo the boutique so that is geared more toward adults. Kara also spends a lot of time yelling at her boss. Kara seems like a smart girl, but she's going to have a hard time existing in the corporate world if that's the direction she'd like to go. Jeana may not give her kids dough, but I can absolutely see her allowing Kara to move right back in after she graduates from Berkley, that is if she doesn't transfer first.

Tamra and Ryan have a heart to heart about Ryan's new tattoo. Apparently Ryan knocked some girl up and they were going to keep the baby. Unfortunately, the girl had a miscarriage. They saw the ultrasound and the child looked like a chicken nugget. He even musters up a little tear. Tamra of courses balls and is upset that he didn't tell her. Why wouldn't he tell his mom so that he can get more money and support? While it is tragic that the baby did not survive, it's probably best for the world that Ryan does not procreate. But now that beautiful child will be forever immortalized on the inside of Ryan's lip.

Last but not least, it's time for the other girls to meet Lynne! Jeana, Tamra and Vicki have dinner, and Gretchen arrives with Lynne. They all make fake nice until Lynne freaks out because the girls are talking about kids and private schools. Lynne is sooooo tired of talking about kids! Sadly, she is the new girl and can't interrupt everyone because she's tired of the topic. I think she was trying to be cute? Gretchen and Lynne go pee together and the others make fun of Lynne's skinny body and big fake boobs. Well, maybe they didn't make fun of her boobs, but they certainly think she's too skinny. Green monster rears its ugly head. Gretchen and Lynne return and then Gretchen mentions she went to Lake Bass with her family. Tamra is shocked that Gretchen left Jeff alone in the ICU; the same thought I had last week. Gretchen is instantly hurt and tells Tamra she has no right to judge. This is true, Tamra can not understand what Gretchen is going through, and if she were someone I believed truly loved her fiancee and wasn't just a gold digger, then I would feel sorry for Instead, I agree with Tamra and would like to give her a high five for saying that out loud. I'm liking Tamra more and more every week.

Survey says the new girls don't like Lynne. Actually Jeana appears more open minded, but I think it's because Tamra took her spot as Vicki's BFF.

Phew! Now I have to watch last week's. I can't wait to see it, well at least the preview for NEXT week's because Amy reported it appears that Gretchen tries to make out with Ryan. Holy cow that will be good. More info when I get that far.

Charm School Reunion Huge Letdown

2009-01-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

When I saw my DVR's red button lit up Sunday morning, I had no clue what could possibly be taping. To my joyful surprise, it was the Rock of Love Charm School Reunion! If you'll look back at my previous posts, you'll see I read reports weeks ago that Sharon was going to put the smackdown on Megan. Who wouldn't be excited to see the details of this exchange?`

Sadly, the Reunion was a big old letdown and I ended up fast forwarding through most of it. Why do I need to look back at all those scenes that I saw when they aired the first time? Who watches a reunion when they haven't seen the original show?

The reunion was hosted by Rikki Rachtman, who stood at the center of the stage in all of his arrogant glory and tried to slyly make fun of the girls. His sarcasm is so on the nose that it just comes off as bitter and rude. Sharon emerged from the back and all the ladies stood and clapped. We got a glance at the ladies to see how they've changed. Brandi M. died her hair dark and it looks pretty great actually. Megan's hair is huge and she's wearing a bikini, and Brandi C. is barely wearing anything.

Sharon and Rikki call up Angelique first, the French plastic Barbie doll who loves to be naked. Yes, she is amusing, but she was barely on the show. There might've been a few more people no one cares about, and then Megan was called up pretty quickly. She is being rather exuberant, and Rikki asks if she is drunk. Megan scoffs and says, "Why would I be drunk? It's the middle of the afternoon." She may not be drunk, but my favorite gal that I'm not sure why I like is clearly on something. She is slurring slightly and her sharp whit has wilted. Sharon tries not to say anything too rude, and then they call up Rodeo, who is wearing pants that she is peddling that absorb water; a joke that Megan can not and should not pass up. Bla bla bla between the three of them, and then Megan reveals that her dog Lilly had to have her girl parts removed. Sharon comments that the same should happen to Megan, and that she should never be allowed to breed. At that point, Megan say something back that is completely bleeped out. I read other places that she commented about Ozzy being brain dead, not sure why that was bleeped. At this point, Sharon pretends to calm herself and grabs a drink. She takes a sip of a glass with red liquid (vodka and cran perhaps?) and then jumps on Megan. The cameras get all wobbly and then who knows what goes down, but Megan is hauled away by security and Sharon tells the audience that you don't mess with her family. All the girls come up and give poor Sharon a hug. It must have been really upsetting to jump an a girl that you've always hated, so I can see why she needed consoling.

Here's the thing about this fight. Sharon started it. It's insulting to tell a woman that she shouldn't breed, and in a way it is messing with that person's family. Megan was just responding to the attack verbally, and Sharon overreacts by pouring liquid and then some sort of attack. A real charming lady would've simply excused Megan from the stage. Sharon's reaction makes me lose even more respect for her, especially because I am sure she doesn't regret her actions in any way. Megan's goal on all these shows is to push, prod and manipulate, something Sharon acknowledges. The way to really render Megan powerless is to ignore her and pretend that you are not bothered by what she has to say. Dismiss her from the stage and do not give her any more air time.

Additionally, when everything gets back to "normal" and Megan isn't in the studio, Rikki decides to tell everyone that Megan has been spreading rumors that he hit on her during the show. He chooses this moment to tell everyone that it is totally false and he would never ever ever hit on Megan. Really? Why not address that when Megan is in the room and can respond? Seems to me that thou dost protest too much in this case. And for the record, I hadn't heard a word about Rikki hitting on Megan, and I actually look at what people have to say on the Internet about these shows.

After the incident, nothing else really happens. Dallas and Lacey talk, and Dallas is pretty sweet about not indicating she gives a rat's butt about what Lacey has to say. And she looks awesome in a sparkly blue dress with sparkly shoes. Score another one for Dallas. Lacey also fights with Heather, who I guess almost didn't come to the show because her entourage was too much. Sigh, Heather, I used to really dig you. It was the Ed Hardy shirt with your image that really turned me off.

Destiny comes up and reveals that she didn't take the internship that the third judge no one has ever heard of offered her. Instead, she found a great guy (points to washed up old dude in the audience) and they have started their own clothing line! She gives items to everyone on the stage and promises a shirt to everyone in the audience. Why do an internship when you could coast on your 5 minutes of fame?

Last but not least charming Brandi M. comes up to chat. She may be charming, but she's also somewhat boring now. Show ends, I get to go to sleep.

And I'm still on Megan's side. I can't help it.

Secrets Revealed, But Not Enough!

2009-01-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, yes. I'm still watching Momma's Boys. I just lied to my friend and told him I watch it from time to time. Then I told him about this blog and that I need to keep up on all the shows so that I can write about them. I have made my filthy habit legitimate!

I knew this episode was going to be juicy because last week's preview showed a giant glass box filled with files for every one of the girls that held their most intimate secrets.

The fancy clear box was wheeled out in the first moment of the show, and the girls learned that three challenge winners would be safe, but everyone else could have their file pulled if a mother wanted to take a gander. This prompted a number of them to confess that they had posed for playboy. One of them we already knew about, while another was new to confess. Sweet little Erica still felt no need to reveal that she was in Penthouse. Her plan was to simply win the challenge. I guess the others felt that they didn't have a chance.

The challenge was a cook-off, and all the girls had to prepare one of the guys' favorite dishes. Robert of course loves matzo ball soup because Jews do not eat anything else. Michael likes spaghetti and meatballs, while Jojo likes some Iraqi dish that no one had ever heard of. The girls were also allowed to make a random dish to show off their own creative cooking skills.

The girls choose their dish and get to work. Some of them paired up and others were on teams. It didn't really make sense since only three of them would win, but no one felt the need to address this. A few of the girls chose to try their own dish, including Erica, who hoped maybe it would help her win. None of the girls chose Jojo's dish and Mrs. B. decided to act like she was hurt and cry. Why would anyone choose to make the dish to be judged by the most judgemental of women, especially when they've never heard of it and have no clue how it's supposed to look or taste. One brave girl, Liz I think, decided to make the dish, which was really a great strategy because now she's on Mrs. B's good side. Michelle did her cooking in heels and a manicure, and clearly had no desire to even try. Lorraine (Michael's Mom, I finally figured out her name) watched the whole time scowling at the blond's fake efforts.

The winners of the challenge end up being Erica, Liz and a team of Meghan and some brunette? It really doesn't matter because they aren't the interesting ones. Now the moms have a chance to pull the remaining files, and here is where the fun begins!!

Lorraine first pulls out Michelle's file, and learns that she has had botox, lip implants, extentions and two breast augmentations. Now my guess is that meant each breast was augmented, but Lorraine took it to mean she had two surgeries on her breasts, which made her very confused and angry. None of this comes as a surprise since Michelle is the most plastic looking of the bunch. However, Lorraine then discovers that Michelle is in debt for $139,000!!! Keep in mind this girl is 25 (though she looks to be in her mid 30s). Michelle faces the music and Lorraine is actually pretty polite when explaining she just doesn't think Michelle is the right girl for her boy.

Mrs. B. chooses to pull Brittany's file, because if you remember correctly, Brittany has a big butt and that is not acceptable. Mrs. B says she asked Brittany in the past if she has had plastic surgery and Brittany said no. Turns out Brittany lied, and Mrs. B. opens the file to see a nice and naked Brittany. This makes Mrs. B's day.

Esther chooses Lauren's file, because she is in love with Lauren and determined to make sure Robert picks her. Lauren's file is squeaky clean (boring), and Esther is pleased as punch.

And that's it!! So many more juicy secrets that will never be revealed :(. What a waste.

Now the moms tell their sons about what they've discovered. Jojo is sort of upset that everyone has seen Brittany's business, but Michael doesn't seem to care about Michelle's plastic surgery OR debt. Does he not realize that once they marry that becomes his debt? When he asks her how much she says "a lot." Hmmmm. Robert is happy that Lauren is an angel, but isn't really that into her.

There are some quick random dates, and then it's elimination time. Guess what, Corina, the one that got saved last time? She's cut. Surprise surprise. Then I guess some others are cut. However, many stay that I have never seen even talk to one of the guys. Good for them. Cara is cut, and she freaks out. She cries and carries on because she never got a date. Which is sort of true, a whole bunch of other nobodies got to go on dates, why didn't she? And she is pissed because they all made fun of her. Mrs. B. calms her down, I guess dumb girls are better than big butts.

Called to the pool are some girl I've never seen, Brittany and Michelle. The girl I've never seen goes first and they all say they want to get to know her. Why didn't they call down any of the other girls they didn't get to know? This show doesn't make any sense most of the time. Michael tells Michelle that he doesn't care about her fake boobies our her debt. She's hot and he would like to make out with her more. Maybe that's not what he said, but we know what he means. Unfortunately, Jojo can't handle the world seeing his lady naked, so Brittany is sent home. Mrs. B. is happy the witch with the big butt is gone. Maisha (who let's face it, looks like Brandy and has a name eerily similar to Moesha) starts crying and flailing. I guess she and Brittany are best friends. I have never seen them speak to each other, so I'm not sure why the producers thought this was necessary. I guess they wanted to make sure we knew African-American contestants were still there.

Speaking of which... next week Jojo kisses either Misty or Camilla. I didn't get a good look. Mrs. B watches from a helicopter and throws a coniption. Actually, not too excited about this one, but we'll see. Mrs. B's antics make me sick and the less we see her the better. I'm just ready for Lorraine to find out that Erica posed for Penthouse. Ooh the sparks that will fly.

Megan is a Saint

2008-12-31T06:29:00.000-08:00

I am over a week behind on my Momma's Boys. I went on vacay to sunny North Carolina where I didn't blog a bit. So Merry Xmas and Happy Hanukah and all that jazz. I did watch Momma's Boys before I left, so a lot of the details are shady.

Michael has his date where he teaches them to be firemen. Michael's mom really like Erica, which will be cool when she learns Erica was a Penthouse whatever of the year. But, Michael likes blond things so he picks another girl, but honestly I can't figure out which she is because all the blonds look the same. Michael's mom is not happy with the fake boobies and fake blond hair. The girl's lips look a little overly large as well. Ooh I'm guessing it's this girl. Apparently Michael isn't into the natural look.

Okay so we have Robert's date, and it looks like they do a picnic and a whole bunch of other somewhat lame activities compared to the other guys. Robert picks Amanda for his date, who clearly isn't that interested in him. Frankly, I'm not sure what he sees in Amanda because she isn't anything special. She is a med student, and I think that's all he cares about. Esther looooooves http://www.nbc.com/Mommas_Boys/contestants/girls/as well, and she and Michael's mom get in a fight over her. Amanda tells Michael that Robert picked her, but it doesn't mean anything. If I had to choose between the rough-n-tumble Michael with his great abs and smile and Robert, the funny Jewish guy, I'd probably pick Michael. And, I'm Jewish... and love a sense of humor. That should tell you the problem with Robert.

It's time for elimination, and honestly I can't remember who is called to the pool, aside from Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes Megan. However, I did notice that Vita is sent home without a pool visit, proving that she only stayed for drama purposes. Now that the drama is over, so is she.

For elimination, all the girls decide that Megan needs a makeover and they goop on the makeup and straighten her hair. Megan does look hot, but if you've ever seen Made it's all about confidence and she still doesn't seem to have that. Like Marjorie from ANTM I just want to shake Megan and tell her to snap out of it. The boys are all excited that Megan looks hot, but Michael says he doesn't want her and even Robert says he doesn't want her. Then we get to Jojo, who asks Megan to stay. Megan starts crying because she's sooooo happy, but Jojo isn't the one she wants. And let's pause here and examine why Jojo picked her. Either the producers told him to so she could stay, or he was enamored by how hot she now looks and he's a shallow ass. Sort of a lose/lose. Meanwhile, all the girls are watching on the balcony and saying "We love you Megan," and "You are the awesomest Hotty!" or some other such drivel. I still do not see what is so great about Megan. She stands there for like five minutes hemming and hawing and saying it isn't fair for her to stay when the other girl that is left, Carina, is obviously going home now, which was obvious because we've never really seen her around. Megan sobs and sobs and then finally chooses to go home; I would to if Jojo was the guy after me. The girls all cry because they love Megan so much and she is officially labeled a saint.

Now, the guys look at Carina who is feeling rather awkward because she was about to go home. She asks, "Uh, do you guys want me to stay?" and they say "of course!" I predict she'll go home next week.

Speaking of next week... the dirty secrets come out! The mom's are given a file on all the ladies and get to see what bad things they have done in the past. Classic!

Public Humiliation!

2008-12-23T07:39:00.000-08:00

I'm only half way through this week's Momma's Boys, and I'm a bit cheesed off by the way this show is going. I can see myself being done in a few weeks, but until that moment I am here for you! I will try to finish it this afternoon after the company holiday party, and then this evening I will watch Illinois beat Missouri to earn Braggin' Rights.

But first! We pick up where we left off with Vita and Mrs. B fighting. Vita realizes that this is a game - excuse me! it's a competition for the heart of a lovely momma's boy - and she gets her act together and apologizes to Mrs. B. However, Mrs. B couldn't care less and basically ignores what almost feels like a genuine apology. I've seen my share of fake ones, and apparently Vita is really sorry or a good actress. Mrs. B does not feel the need to apologize.

Cara decides to show Robert's mom, Esther, her collection of lingerie. Esther essentially walks out of the room as Cara is talking, and says her "uh huhs" from somewhere else. It's nice she is being polite! Why on Earth would Cara show the collection to one of the mothers? How dumb is she?

The boys get ready for elimination with help from their mothers. They chat about who they like. Everyone hates Cara, and of course Mrs. B. tells Jojo not to pick Vita. Now that Jojo hears this, it's pretty obvious what he is going to. For a momma's boy, he sure enjoys doing the opposite of what she likes.

Now it's time for eliminations! All the girls get a text message that basically either says "you're in," "you're out" or "meet by the pool." Cara gets her text message and can't figure out how to open it. Someone helps her and we see she has to meet by the pool. The other girls who are "up for discussion," to use Paris' phrase, are Vita, Megan two girls I don't really remember. As for the girls that are sent home, we never really got to know any of them so we don't really care. The four girls gather by the pool with all of the other girls and the momma's watching the action from a balcony. The boys explain something about having room for two more, and if any of the guys have feelings for a girl then she gets to stay. It was really hard to guess who was going home since one of the girls I'd literally never seen before and the others' name escapes me. First the girl i can't remember goes up, and each of the guys says essentially, "you're great, but I'm not attracted to you." Um, really? Why did she go to the pool then? Why didn't they send her home in the first place instead of telling her in front of EVERYONE that they're not interested? This girl I can't remember takes it in stride though and leaves. I think I'd be pissed.

Megan is next, and two guys say "nope," but sweet Robert says he wants her to stay, but she has to come out of her shell. All the other girls cheer because their maid won't be going home. Next up is Cara, and Michael is the one that wants her to stay. Now we're down to Vita and the girl whose name I forgot. Predictably, the other girl is sent home, and Jojo asks Vita to stay. Mrs. B. swears and seethes and the other girls look at her and laugh. After the ceremony, Mrs. B. makes some comments and Vita answers back. Why can't we all just get along?

The next day, the girls participate in a challenge where they have to do an ultimate fighting workout. After they're done, the boys try it out. Robert and Jojo puke, and then Robert has to go to the hospital. He is embarassed, as he absolutely should be. All these skinny little girls completed the task without any problems, but these supposedly athletic guys are puking all over the place. Michael is now my favorite. And Jojo has a lisp by the way - no thanks. The Ultimate Fighters pick four challenge winners who won't be up for elimination. The winners are Cara, Britney (she'll get more important) and two girls I can't remember that are blonde and look alike.

Mrs. B. plans a date for the girls, and they head off to play hockey. They all look pretty stupid as Jojo shows off his skills in his huge puffy pants. Britney is doing some hardcore flirting and Mrs. B. is not happy. She would like Jojo to pick Liz, a skinny blond number. In the end, Jojo picks Britney to go on a one-on-one date with him. Mrs. B is angry because he picked one with a "big butt." Though, if I'm not mistaken, Britney is the one that said she is half Jewish, so we know the real reason Mrs. B is mad. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I fast forwarded through the one-on-one date. There were horses and a beach and kissing. Swoon, barf, next! After the date Jojo and Britney make out in the hot tub with essentially everyone in the house watching. Then Mrs. B. awkwardly jumps in the hot tub with them.

That's as far as I got! Stay tuned to see who the other boys picked and if anything remotely interesting occurs! Maybe there willl be more public humiliation... sort of like what will happen to Missouri tonight. Booya!

Brandi M. Has Charm

2008-12-22T07:10:00.000-08:00

I will be the first to admit that I was wrong. I have to admit it, because if you scroll down to my old posts you'll see that I predicted Destiny to be the winner of Charm School. However, if you look carefully you'll see that I felt Brandi M. deserved to win, but I thought Destiny would take the cake. When the two ladies were giving their speeches about why they should win, I thought Destiny had it in the bag when she mentioned her father's death changing her life. Apparently, ripping up your speech and "speaking from the heart" (i.e. repeating the same cheesy sentiment in different ways) trumps the death of a parent, and Brandi M. wins Charm School!

The show was pretty forgettable. The finales usually are, with the two or three finalists spending a lot of time lying to the camera about how much they have learned, when really they're just so close to the money they can smell it.

The last challenge of the show revolved around raising money for charity. Each of the three finalists were paired with their "arch enemy," though if this were really the case Lacey would've been paired with Dallas and not Heather. But Heather is more interesting and wears more revealing clothing, so she was brought back. Destiny was matched with Brandi C., which made sense thanks to a goobery spit ball that Brandi C. launched at Destiny. Brandi M. was of course matched with Megan. All three returning ladies were wearing awesome outfits, but Megan's is the one that really takes the cake. I have no idea how that thing even stays up. Frankly, it doesn't do Megan's chest any favors, as it looks like they are being smooshed, pushed and pulled. It would seem her I Love Money bikinis would be more comfy.

The girls set off to Hollywood Blvd. to collect items for charity. Each item was worth a certain amount of money that would be calculated at the end. Brandi C. and Destiny worked well together, but Desinty seemed a bit shy about requesting items from strangers. Lacey and Heather put their differences aside, but Lacey starts yelling at everyone that won't contribute to the cause. Brandi M. did well, despite Megan's attempts to sabotage her. Megan spent time collecting the cheapest items possible and posing for pictures with tourists. I have championed Megan's cause for about three reality shows, but she's made it tougher and tougher. Though I do see how helping Brandi is rather unattractive to Megan, since she is the reason Megan was booted. Sadly charity alone was not motivation enough for Megan to succeed. The donations were tallied and to everyone's surprise Brandi M. was the winner. You can see on this clip Megan's surprise and anger at Brandi winning.

Destiny and Lacey are up for elimination, and Lacey gets ripped for returning to her old ways and yelling at passers by for not giving her a donation. Then, Sharon says something about Destiny not being excited during the challenge, but really she was just shy. Lacey smelled defeat and started yelling that Destiny wasn't into the challenge because it didn't benefit her in any way. Basically she just took what Sharon said and yelled it at Destiny, sealing her expulsion. FINALLY. Lacey sucks and was on the show about two months too long. They just said something to make it less obvious that Lacey was finally getting her butt kicked to the curb like she deserves. Goodbye and good riddance.

Now it's down to Destiny and Brandi M. While there is a lot of tears and cheese balls a'flying, it is nice to see that these girls actually like each other. Oftentimes when we get to the final two there is angry name calling and shouting, but Brandi and Destiny are happy to be the ones in the final two together, and would be happy for their counterpart to be crowned winner.

The ladies write their speech and prepare for their last panel. They both look lovely, though Destiny should tone down the eye makeup. It's too bad Brandi got that horrible tattoo across her chest, because otherwise she'd look really pretty on the day of her big win. Sharon starts crying after the speeches and claims this is a tough decision. In the end, Brandi M. is handed the diploma, which is just the way it should have gone. Based on the made up premise of the show that it barely follows, Brandi M. was the right person to pick. She learned and changed (or was a better actress) and now she is a lady with a huge weird tattoo across her chest that dips into her boobs. Guess she can't show too much cleavage anymore if she wants to maintain her new fancy reputation.

Really all that matters to me is that LACEY DID NOT WIN!

Congrats Brandi M! I've always been a fan, aside from the tattoo.

It's All About the Casting

2008-12-21T12:56:00.000-08:00

I want to say that NBC hit the jackpot with the casting of a bigoted Momma on their new show Momma's boys, but I'm sure NBC knew exactly what they were doing. Why else is the house chalk full of Asian and black woman for the three white momma's boys in question? Usually the bachelor has about three minorities that are quickly sent home. One will make it through a couple episodes, but just for the sake of saving face.

Let's start from the beginning. I was wrong about the setup. NBC actually let everyone know the 411 from the start. 32 women are brought to live in a house and fight for the attention of three momma's boys: Michael, Joe and Robert. Their moms will be living in the house with the ladies to help find their sons the perfect woman that will eventually become their daughter in law. I'm not sure if the moms have ever seen a reality show, because 19 times out of 20, the couples don't even make it to the reunion.

NBC reveals that the producers purposely chose stereotypical women that moms love, such as a kindergarten teacher or medical student. Then, there is the 2008 Penthouse pet of the year, and a girl that decides to pick Jojo just to get at his mother, but I'll get back to that.

The girls are just like any other batch of Bachelor women. There's Megan who works at an animal shelter and has trouble talking to humans, Cara the dumb blonde that everyone makes fun of, Misty likes to make trouble and then a bunch of models/spokesmodels that I'll never be able to differentiate.

First we meet the dudes - and they are dudes. Michael is a blonde firefighter and his mom looks quite lovely for whatever age she is. They live in Florida, but somehow, like the others, sport a Long Island accent. Robert is the funny Jew of the group, and he isn't quite as handsome as the others. I'm sorry, he isn't. It has nothing to do with his religion; there are plenty of hotty Jews out there. I guess to find a funny guy that might have a personality, they had to go with somewhat goofy looking. His mom Esther is the typical Jewish mom in New Jersey. I forgot already what Robert does for a living.

Then we get to Jojo. He is the stud of the group and currently plays hockey in college. I guess this was taped during summer break? Jojo's mom, Mrs. B., is madly in love with her son and points out his hot physique and gorgeous lips in an eerie manner. She then informs the camera that her son will not be dating any Jews, blacks, Asians, tall girls or girls with a big butt. Clearly she is very open minded.

Did I mention that all of the boys still live with their moms? Well, they do - every girl's dream!

The ladies hang out and get to know each other, at which point everyone decides Cara is a dummy because she is blond and happy. Some of the get weepy over thinking about finding their true love in just a few hours. One girl reveals she was in Playboy, while the Penthouse gal doesn't want to come clean just yet. At one point she is proud of her 2008 title, and the next scene she is ashamed. Which is it? You can't have it both way. All the while Megan spends her time cleaning up after all the other girls. All of a sudden, the boys arrive! The girls giggle together and hop over to meet the boys. We still have yet to discover if any of the guys have a personality.

Next, the girls watch videos made by the moms. All the moms are so cute! Until they get to Mrs. B's tape. She has no problem reiterating the fact that she only wants the perfect, cute, white, Catholic girl for her little baby Jojo. Needless to say, all the girls are pissed. One girl notes that even Cara is pissed, so it's a really big deal. Misty decides that she will go for Jojo just to make Mrs. B mad. This is her mission! Silly me, I thought the girls were supposed to go on the show to find their perfect mate. Guess that's not the case for Misty.

The moms enter the house and everything is fine, until (don don don), Mrs. B enters! She ignores most of the girl, choosing to talk to one who she pegged as possibly Catholic. When the girl reveals she is half Jewish, Mrs. B moves on. This goes on for a while until Mrs. B has cornered two African-American women and asks if they are basketball players. This is the last straw for one of them, Vita, who chooses to reveal that all of them know about what she said on the video and they are not pleased. Mrs. B tells them she doesn't care and doesn't have to answer to them, which really is sort of true. Vita says that she is a military nurse and helping those critically injured in Iraq (where Mrs. B is actually from). Vita points out that she is there to help Mrs. B's people. Mrs. B just says that her skin is darker than Vita's, and inserts that fatal word: Bitch. Now we have to wait until next week.

On the whole, this show is the same as the Bachelor, but there is the added layer of the moms, and then another layer involving the racism factor of Mrs. B. I want to see how the Vita/Mrs. B smackdown ends, so I'll give it another week for sure. However, I don't know if I'll make it through this puppy for the long haul. I don't have any favorites right now, because at this point they all seem pretty much the same. I do think Maisha is gorgeous, but I'm guessing she won't make it very far.

I just have one question: why are all the guys white?

New Houswife Reveals Drinking Makes You Fat

2008-12-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

The new housewife has arrived! While I do believe Lynn is a bit more genuine and less scary looking than Laurie, who I believe is off in the Bahamas or some remote island with her new hubby sans Children, she is still quite ridiculous. She does have a rockin' body, which we got to see as she and Gretchen went shopping for dresses that are $1,200. Lynn is still married and has been for 18 years, that alone makes her original in Coto.

Meanwhile, Simon takes Tamra's daughter Ryan to a shooting range! He's thinking about becoming a cop, which Tamra thinks is the coolest thing ever. Unfortunately for her, Ryan just received two tickets from a cop and has decided their wimps and it is no longer a cool profession. He's too good for a life like that where they hide out and give people tickets for breaking the law. All cops are assholes and he hates them all!

I am starting to really like Tamra, though. She has lunch with Gretchen and some other person we don't know or care about, and comes clean about her snotty comments. In the limo a few episodes ago she exclaimed, "hold on to your daddies girls, here comes Gretchen." A statement I found both accurate and hilarious. Tamra admitted what she said and apologized. In Atlanta, they just let these statements turn into rumors and then all of a sudden there is a catfight outside of a party. Thankfully, Tamra would rather clear the air and for that I commend her. I do feel bad that her son is a lazy spoiled brat, but when she finds out he isn't going to be a cop she says the exact same thing! We're totally on the same page! Maybe Tamra and I can be friends.

New housewife Lynn takes her 17-year-old daughter to discuss her upcoming birthday. The daughter wants a big party, but Lynn doesn't want to organize such a thing. Fair enough. Somehow they land on the topic of hangover remedies, and Lynn is happy to share her thoughts about the subject with her daughter, who appears to have her own remedies. They discuss ways to cure hangovers until Lynn finally realizes that her daughter isn't old enough to drink. She tells the camera that her kids aren't angels, but they are good kids. Rather than scold her daughter for underage drinking, she reminds her that alcohol has a lot of calories and can make you fat. She should really be a speaker at an AA meeting. I'm guessing she could change a lot of peoples' lives.

Kara was jealous that Ryan got to shoot a gun, so she convinces Simon to take her, too. Kara finds a reason to say vagina and Simon is embarrassed. This scene is basically pointless.

Ooh! A commercial informs me that next week Jeana will stab Vicki in the back. Can't wait to see what that's about.

In our final scene, Tamra, Jeana and Vicki have some lunch by the ocean. They call Gretchen, who couldn't make it because she's taking care of Jeff. Jeana and Tamra feel bad, but Vicki isn't so sure. That's OK Vicki, I'm not so sure, either. Then, Jeana and Vicki get in a fight over Vicki's ex husband. From what I can gather, the ex, Mike, was an alcoholic and Vicki packed the kids up and moved them out of Chicago and out to California. Vicki blames Mike for not being in the kids' lives, but Jeana thinks that he didn't have a chance because Vicki moved them over to the other side of the country. I don't think that I can judge based on the little bit of information I have on this. I sort of see Jeana's point, but Vicki is supposedly her best friend. Shut up and don't take her ex's side.

Can't wait to see some back stabbing next week.

Lingerie Everywhere

2008-12-17T07:56:00.000-08:00

So the Wu Tang Concert knocked my sleeping schedule out of whack this weekend. Usually on a Sunday evening I like to be in bed by about 10, but since Wu Tang didn't go on until 11 that didn't happen. Unfortunately, last night I found myself dozing on the couch at about 8, and both RHOC and Mamma's Boys began at 9. And side note, that means in L.A. they began at 10. Who is going to stay up until 10 p.m. to watch Mamma's Boys? Craziness.

I did, however, catch the very beginning of RHOC. I am reserving Mamma's Boys for when I can watch the whole mess at once. I decided to watch the first 10 minutes of RHOC and then hit the hay. I was tempted to watch all of it, but my lovely boyfriend Jeff is done with law school for the semester. What's that? Yes, there is another inhabitant of my household. However, due to the fact that he works full time and goes to law school part time, it's usually just me and the pooch on the right of my blog, Luther, doing the TV watching. I couldn't force him to watch all of RHOC on his first night home after finishing finals. However, due to the way our DVR works, he was unable to watch live TV since I was taping two things at once. Unless of course he wanted to watch RHOC or Mamma's Boys. Oops.

In the beginning of the episode, Gretchen has a lingerie party for her friends. Interesting to note that none of the other housewives are in attendance. Actually, it wasn't just lingerie, she had sex toys, pasties, lotions and burlesque dancers. Apparently Gretchen knows how to give a party. She mentioned that when her fiancee Jeff comes back from the hospital maybe she'll give him a show. That maybe wasn't sarcastic. By the way, in the scenes from the last episodes, we saw Gretchen talking to Jeff's daughter and telling her to get a job. Jeff's daughter suggests maybe Gretchen should get a job, and she tearfully reports that taking care of the girl's father is a full-time job. Ah, so she's a nurse! It's nice to know that while Jeff is in the hospital, she is at home throwing a naughty party. As the night goes on, the girls get lessons on how to be a burlesque dancer! While Gretchen's friends put pasties over their shirts and maybe put on heels, Gretchen pulls out a full on peacock lingerie outfit, complete with shoes, feathers and fish net stockings. Now I see, she threw the party so she could show off her fancy peacock outfit! We all know she wouldn't wear that for her fiancee, so she has to bring it out for her girlfriends.

Meanwhile, Jeana's son, Colton (who will sadly never be hot like Shane) is getting ready for prom. The kid is in bed until 3 p.m., when Jeana realizes maybe he should get cracking. He gets dressed and then his Uncle Richie tells him to make sure he has a condom. That's about all that happens there, aside from more bashing of Jeana's husband. I'm sure Mr. Jeana enjoys watching those scenes.

Before the commercial break, and as my bed started to say "come hither," I caught a scene with Vicki and her family checking out a yacht they want to buy. Vicki is all excited and Woo Hooing, and her daughter, Briana, is crying because it means they have to give up their home in Havasu, which she always loved as a child. Briana says she's worried that it means they will never go there again and the family will drift apart. While its a nice sentiment, it is coming from the girl that wanted to bail on a trip to Mexico with her family because her brother was going to bail as well. Doesn't sound like Briana is all that into family. My guess is that Briana has been sneaking trips to Havasu with her friends and some alcohol and now those fun trips are over.

Side note, did you all know that Briana and Michael are not Donn's kids? I think that came out one or two episodes ago and I forgot to mention it. I've been watching this show from the start and I had no idea. The episode where it was revealed centered around Vicki wanting to go on a vacation with her kids without Donn, which at first didn't make sense, but after the truth comes out it made a little more sense. I'm just surprised that this fact had never escaped anyone's lips prior to the third season of the show. Or maybe it was revealed and I had too much wine that night.

I'll get to the rest at some point this week, though I have a lot of work-related holiday parties to attend. And, of course, Momma's Boys is still waiting in the que for me!

Atlanta Will Return - Yes!

2008-12-16T11:00:00.001-08:00

I am pleased to report that according to People, The Real Housewives of Atlanta will be returning for a second season. If the far less interesting Real Housewives of OC can return for a third season, it should come as no surprise that Bravo will take its cameras down to Atlanta once again.

The People article mentions a number of questions that excited viewers may have about the upcoming season, but who I'm not going to lose any sleep about what is covered in season 2. I do hope that all of the housewives remain, though actually I could do without Sheree. Kim is ridiculous, but at least she is hilarious and entirely clueless. Sheree thinks she knows what's going on, and she comes off as both mean and fake. It was great to see her clothing line that she had nothing to do with flop, but I'd hate to see something actual go her way. And, though I like Deshawn, she needs to be a little more interesting. She might be a great person with lots to give, but that doesn't make for good TV. If Bravo is going to give anyone the boot, it would be here, which might not be a bad thing for Shawny.

We have a long wait ahead of us, but rest assured the day will come when Nene will be back in our lives.

I Hugged Cappadonna

2008-12-15T12:11:00.000-08:00

Even though this blog is about reality TV, I would like to prove that I do leave the house once in a while. Despite the cold weather (5 degrees today), last night I ventured into the rain/sleet/whatever it was, and headed downtown for my third Wu Tang concert ever. I saw them once at the House of Blues in L.A, a few years back, where I think about three of them were missing. Then, I saw them in the OC (no housewives present) at the first Rock the Bells concert ever. Turns out this was the last time that the 10 of them would all play together before ODB passed away. I was a part of history!

The show in Chicago was pretty packed, and surprisingly there were a lot of teenagers. I was surprised because this was an 18 and over show, but some of the kids around looked about 12. My two lady companions and I nudged our way toward the front of the stage, only to have a bunch of tall 12 year olds stand in front of us. Though Liz is tall, Jazzy and I are not. We stood there while about four other groups took the stage. I couldn't catch the name of any of them, though one group kept talking about Ice Water. They were all mediocre at best, and the antsy crowd kept throwing up the W's and yelling Wu-Tang! I felt sort of bad for the guys on the stage. Couldn't we just stand quietly and let them do their thing? No need to yell louder than they are rapping, even if some of them were pretty bad. The funny thing was, once they started challenging the crowd to be louder than the crowd at their last HOB concert in L.A., everyone started shouting at the top of their lungs. Heaven forbid we aren't as good of a crowd as those out West!

Finally, at about 11 p.m. Wu Tang came out! They rolled out slowly, as they often do. First U-God came out, and I barely recognized him. He looks to have beefed up a bit, and appears older than I remember. Well, they all did really. Next was Inspectah Deck. I want to emphasize that I love every member of the Wu Tang Clan, but I do play favorites. It was appropriate that those two came out first. At this point it's a little hazy. I think then we had Raekwon, RZA, Ghostface and then GZA. Masta Killa came out near the end, and Cappadonna came out at the very end. I wasn't sure if he'd be in attendance, because technically he is not a member of the Wu Tang Clan, though he is sort of an honorary member. Wiki tells me he is an official member, but I don't buy it.

Method Man wasn't able to attend for some reason, probably out working on How High 2 or something like that. It's too bad Meth isn't as tied to his Wu Tang roots as the others. The show was fabulous. They did a lot of tunes from 36 Chambers, and not a lot of new ones. In fact, I didn't notice much past The W, which is a good thing. Iron Flag had some great songs, but I couldn't get into 8 Diagrams. Each member did a diddy from a solo album, and they mixed it together with a group song. It was fun to watch the dynamic between all of the members. Ghostface and Raekwon appear to still have that special bond that makes them great together.

It's hard to pick an absolute favorite, but I think GZA takes the cake. Every one of his solo albums have been great from top to bottom. As a performer, he isn't as noteworthy, but as a lyricist he is the king in my book. I am also a huge fan of Ghostface and Masta Killa. Ghostface was a hoss up on stage, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and a thick jacket which must've been scorching hot on that stage. Though he isn't necessarily text-book handsome, he has that hot swagger down. Ghostface and RZA were that two that stood out as giving the show their all. Inspectah Deck and U-God did their thang, too, but they can't help but fall to the background a tad. Cappadonna was also great, and his voice is mesmerizing, though he, like the rest, were difficult to understand. Masta Killa and GZA would literally disappear from the stage for periods of time, and Masta Killa was wearing this huge weird jumpsuit. It was like a prison outfit only black. I'm not sure what was up with that.

I got to hear some of my favorite tunes (No Said Date, Glaciers of Ice, Triumph), and see all of my favorite guys. They were really great about slapping hands and signing autographs, but I wasn't close enough to the stage to cash in on that. Though Jazzy swears U-God waved to her. Then, near the end of the show, Cappadonna went into a verse (it might have been during Triumph) and just sort of walked into the crowd. He kept rapping and walking and everyone yelled and cheered. After he was done, the set went on and the guys launched into Gravel Pit. Cappa continued to hang in the crowd and shake hands, sign autographs and give the ladies hugs. I really wanted to go down and say "hi," but I was too scared. Finally, he started to leave and I seized the moment. I ran across part of the bar and told him that Slang Editorial is one of my favorite Wu Tang songs. He was wearing a huge hoody with the hood up, and he put his arm around me in a half hug. Lots of sweat found its way on my forehead, but who cares! I hugged Cappadonna!

Sharon Osborne Pulls Hair

2008-12-15T07:15:00.001-08:00

I was lucky this morning, and my drive to work coincided with the Showbiz Shelly report on B96. I love hearing what Shelly has to say I missed over the weekend in terms of silly entertainment news. This morning, Shelly reported that Sharon Osborne got into a fight at the Charm School reunion with Megan. I understand Megan has a knack for pissing people off, but it's all a game! Get over it. Just ignore her and she will go away, that's what's so ridiculous. So for the HOST of the show, the leader of Charm School, the one teaching the Charm has to attack Megan and pull her hair, something must have really gone down. Though, I don't see what was so extreme that Sharon's attack landed Megan in the hospital (according to S. Shelly). Sharon was hired to fake-teach these girls how to have Charm and control themselves with decorum like true ladies. Instead, she's beating people up and pulling hair at the reunion? Monique would've never done such a thing.

While we're on the topic, why did they replace Monique with Sharon in the first place? I guess you could say it's because these are aspiring rocker girlfriends (?), and thus Sharon is the one that knows all. But, to my knowledge Monique isn't the wife of an ugly hype man. What I do know, is that Sharon is white, as are most of the ladies on Rock of Love. And, I'm sure you figured this out, most of the girls on Flavor of Love were black. Just some food for thought...

When you watch the reunion and we get to see what makes Sharon snap, just ask yourself if you think Monique would've reacted in the same way. I think not.

Final Three Prediction!

2008-12-14T13:22:00.001-08:00

I've almost made it to the finale of Charm School! This week we had a waste-of-time recap show, but next week will be the finale. Then after that is the reunion, which is sometimes the best of all (see Heather punching Daisy in the head).

Poor Heather had a meltdown last week, leading to her elimination. Now we have Brandi M, Lacey and Destiny left to duke it out for the end. The scenes from the next showed that my beloved Megan will return, as will Brandi C. and Heather. Each existing girl must pair up with their arch enemy! However, I'm not really sure how this is works. I guess they're saying Heather is Lacey's arch enemy? I would've pegged DALLAS since that was what they addressed the entire time until Dallas was kicked off for not trying on a challenge when she was paired with Lacey.

I'm just happy to see Megan back. I know she is a bitch, but for some reason I love her. She ran the show on I Love Money, and I contend she would've won had they not brought in a jury of her peers. At which point she quit! Ha! She showed them! They were all excited to tell her how much they hate her, but she quit shutting them all up. Sure, she lost - but she got in the last word. In my book she still won. I don't think Megan was the right choice for Charm School. The point of this show is to either "learn" and change, or just fake it well enough (see Lacey) to earn $100,000.

We all know that Lacey won't win and that she just made it this far because she makes it exciting with all the fights she causes. Despite her friendship with my lovely Megan, I hate Lacey. And, it is all to clear she is faking, so there is no way she will win. Sharon seems to hate her, too, which won't help her cause.

Now we get down to Destiny and Brandi M. In my opinion, Brandi M. needs to be crowned winner. The reason I say this is because Destiny really didn't need to make that much of a change. Yes, she is a bit slutty. And, we did learn her dancing name is Stephanie, even though Destiny is a pretty good dancing name on its own. I do think that Destiny will be the winner, because she has done a great job and everyone has loved her. However, do you remember a time when she didn't do a great job? That is what the judges really have to look at if they want to reward the real winner.

Stinky Brandi M. with her farts, burps and potty mouth has really made an effort to change for the better. It's a shame she can't get rid of that ugly tattoo that goes around her neck and down to her boobs, but aside from that she is turning into a lady. She won the ugly face challenge, and she came in a close second on the Ed Hardy challenge. Frankly, I liked her cute octopus hoody more than Destiny's number, but Destiny referenced her father, which made him a shoo-in. Brandi M. is really the one who has made the change, and that is why she should win. But, Sharon will remember all the bad things that Brandi M. has done and all the fights she was involved in from the start. Sharon will be quite proud to name her the second place winner.

My guess - Destiny. You heard it hear first. My real pick - Brandi M. Check back next to see who won the prize.

Charm School Recap

2008-12-14T13:13:00.000-08:00

Snooze. They do these recaps every season, and usually they provide some interesting tidbits we hadn't seen before. Not the case with Charm School. It was fun to revisit Raven, who thought she was better than everyone and didn't need to be there. Silly Rodeo tried to explain that she should stay and really give Charm School a try, because it is important. You see, Rodeo wants to be a motivational speaker, and she feels that Sharon Osborne is the biggest role model for that. One thing we did learn is that Rodeo had cancer, too! I'm not sure if she had RHOA Kim caner, or if she actually had it. Apparently it was there during Rock of Love, but she didn't want to say anything. Really? Cause Rodeo seems to like to tell everyone everything - especially if it is followed by sympathy. Raven is appalled that Rodeo admires Sharon Osborne, and not Oprah or because she was abused as a child. Which Raven feels trumps cancer. Ooh, Raven later made her butt talk! I think that was a new scene!

Raven eliminated herself first and revealed she would like to be a new age talk show host. Apparently, being on Charm School will not help her do this. What I want to know is, why the hell did she go on the show in the first place? There was already a Charm School with the Flavor of Love women, didn't Raven consider taking a look-see at that first to see if going on the Rock of Love version is a good idea? Apparently not, which means she took the place of someone who might really need it - Daisy! Oh, wait, I think Daisy has her own show coming up soon. I'm sure there could've been someone else that could take her place.

Tool Academy

2008-12-14T12:33:00.000-08:00

During the recap of Charm School, I was lucky enough to see a commercial for a new VH1 show. That's right, thanks to laundry folding I wasn't able to reach the remote and scoot through the commercials, which led me to a treat. Some guy (with a rather hot bod) was wearing a jacket and tie with no shirt underneath. He was talking about how was letting us know that "Mr. Awesome is right here," until Mr. Announcer tells us - NO! He is a tool. That's all we get. Now we have to sit and wait for the magic of Tool Academy to arrive. It's like waiting for Santa...

Real World Brooklyn is a Copy Cat

2008-12-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

I got my first glimpse of the next Real World with one of their one-minute teasers leading up to the many airings of the pilot and no doubt a casting special. The main thing I was able to gather is that just like ANTM, Real World has decided to include a Transgendered cast member. If maybe they had taken the step first on MTV it would've been original, but I've already been there and done that with ANTM.

However, the fact that this Transwoman (I didn't know this was an actual word until I saw it on Wiki) can exist in her own world without having to compete and prove to a bunch of skinny girls that she is one of them, might make for a more realistic and interesting experience. Lately, The Real World has just become a show where nothing happens aside from the cast members getting drunk, hooking up or fighting about things I can't quite understand. I'm not kidding, in the Los Angeles one (that had many other problems) there were moments where I literally was unsure of what anyone was talking about. You may call it a generation gap, but I call it bad editing.

Thanks to MTV taking a chance and casting a transwoman (which I find to be a really fascinating facet of our modern culture) I will have to give it a go. The premiere airs on January 7.

Gretchen is Free - I'm a Jerk

2008-12-12T13:54:00.000-08:00

I will never feel bad about the statements I made about Laurie. If she would at the very least admit she's screwed with her face, then maybe I could believe a word she says. However, I just went on a tirade about Gretchen and her golddigging ways and her sick fiancee.

I just learned that poor Jeff actually passed before the show even aired. It also says that Gretchen is still his fiancee, which means she didn't snatch that big fat wedding prior to his passing. However, I'm sure she still managed to squeeze herself into the will.

I do feel sad that a seemingly nice man who is very generous with his money has passed. I'm sure Gretchen put on a really tight black dress for the funeral to go with her waterproof mascara and fancy hat. But now she is sitting at home counting her money and preparing to find a man that she could actually find attractive.

VH1 Loves Ed Hardy

2008-12-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

I caught a glimpse of Real Chance of Love last night, and realized I forgot to tape it on Monday. I had been watching it, but I would hit record on Mondays, rather than tape the whole series. I can't bring myself to commit to the show. Part of the problem is that there is just no reason for them to have their own show, and the other problem is that all they are doing is creating one huge ad for The Stallionaires.

Lastly, and I know this sounds silly, but it's not the least bit real. I know that none of these reality shows are actually real, I'm not stupid, but at least I see some semblance of a poor misguided human in Rock of Love's Heather, or a hyperactive control freak like RHOC's Vicki. With Real, there might be some reality, but Chance is simply a character. In the second episode he was mad that one of his girls was interested in Real, so he hit on one of Real's girls. That girl (Legs or something) refused his advances, but Chance still said she was into it at the elimination, and Legs got her walking papers. How can I even pretend to believe these guys want to find love when poor Legs is eliminated due to Chance lying to his own brother! But I have digressed yet again.

I didn't see the whole episode, so I can not report fully until then. But I did see Christian Audigier, the founder of such "hip" labels of Ed Hardy, Smet and Christian Audigier, pimping himself out on the show. Normally I wouldn't really care that much, but I just saw him on Charm School Sunday! Not to mention the fact that he was on the Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency a couple of seasons ago. He has a pretty popular brand going with Ed Hardy, does he really need to appear on two of the most bottom-of-the-barrel reality shows? To find the correct spelling of his name, I visited his Web site... I'm sure it won't always look like this, but eek! Why is he jumping out of his easy chair with a santa hat and a present? This just does not seem like the image he should be aiming for.

I didn't see what exactly he was doing on Real Chance of Love because I missed the beginning, but on Charm School the girls created shirts that represent themselves. That's when Heather decided to create a sparkly shirt with just her image. Poor Heather, that move got her eliminated.

Back to the reason for this post. Christian Audigier, you do not need to go on any more reality shows. That is all.

Mommas Coming to a TV Near You

2008-12-12T08:34:00.000-08:00

Last night I actually found time to watch live TV. Normally I would never do such a thing, but I was waiting for my ride (who shall remain anonymous until she is late picking me up again) and I had nothing left in the ol' DVR.

At times it's good to be at one with live TV. I saw some great commercials I had never seen before. Have you noticed that shampoo commercials are getting a bit out of hand? I saw one where the woman's hair was so digitally enhanced that it looked like a computerized weave. Clearly her hair does not look like that, and thus my hair will not look like that with your product.

I also discovered that Kath & Kim has some amusing moments, but on the whole I'm not sure I can get into it.

The real gem that I discovered while tooling around live TV is that NBC is bringing us a show called Momma's Boys. From what I gathered watching the commercial, this is the Bachelor, only now mamma is getting involved. I had always learned that Momma's boys are not the kind that you want to snag, but the ladies in bikinis on this show seemed pretty excited about the prospect.

After looking at the Web site, I have discovered this is the brainchild of Ryan Seacrest! In all his free time he has come up with another reality show. Good for him, there aren't nearly enough out there. He would like to ask, "who really is the most important woman in a man's life." Why is it that he is posing this question? Is he in fact a momma's boy, or was momma not present?

I can't seem to find a lot of information on the show without watching a video, which honestly I don't want to do. I see there are three boys, and my favorite part of the preview was when one of the momma's jumped into a hot tub with one of the ladies on the show. How funny! Mom in the hot tub? So awkward!

This post isn't about Web sites, it's about shows. I can take a guess based on the preview, but sometimes those clever reality producers surprise me, and thus I will dive in and attempt to make it through the first episode of this and report back. I'm going to go ahead and enter my guess, so that after Dec. 16 (must remember to set DVR) I can come back and proclaim that I am awesome.

I'm sure that all these Realtors and pharmacy saleswomen came to vie for the attention of three hot, buff boys that probably have a decent enough job. Perhaps a lawyer, teacher or financier type of guy. They'll meet them all and shmooze, all while mommy dearests watch the action from a video screen in a secret mommy room. I'm guessing the women won't know until a later episode (3 maybe?) that momma is in for the ride, too. At that point, the ladies will have to cover their cleavage and show mom why they are the best for whichever man they want. The only thing that is unclear is why there are three men... stay tuned and I'll fill you in.

Bye Bye Laurie and Neener Neener Neener

2008-12-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

I found time to check out this week's episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County. Last week's preview informed me that someone would be leaving the show, and it wasn't hard to predict who it would be. I was naughty and gave the information away in my headline, but the tearful goodbye didn't happen until the end, so I will cover the rest of the show first.

Tamra and her husband Simon are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary in Napa. What better way to enjoy your anniversary than to invite OCD Vicki and her distant husband, Donn (yes with two d's). Donn and Vicki snip at each other like brother and sister, and at one point Vicki cries in her foie gras because Donn won't give her a hug or even tell her he loves her. At first I thought Vicki was pretty hard on poor old Donn, but now it seems like perhaps he need to lighten up. Vicki's solution? Fawn over Simon! Before attending the fancy meal that came with Vicki's tears, Tamra decided to surprise Simon with her newly purchased lingerie. She also bought him handcuffs, lotion and porn. She couldn't have waited until after dinner to whip out these items? Tamra does have a great body, but she is no Gretchen as we all know. The two did the deed rather fast as Tamra reports, and were able to make it to dinner without being late. The couples go to a fancy dinner place where they can either pick a fixed meal, or order from the menu. However, the whole table has to do the same thing. It took these crazy kids way too much time to decide what to do, or even understand the rules. Even though each course was met with disdain by at least one person at the table, they went for the fixed meal. Heres a hint: If you don't all like the same thing ORDER OFF THE MENU.

Back in the O.C., Jeana is trying to lose weight again. But first, she purchases $8,000 in linens. According to Jeana, some people vacation in Greece, she's going to vacation in her bed. Later, her trainer has an epiphany that Jeana eats her feelings. Wow, where could he have possibly come up with such a novel concept? Jeana's soon to be ex-husband has been making fun of her attempts at exercising for years, they just thought of this? Also, Kara is back from Berkeley, and she's discovered that college kids like to drink. She is also not enjoying her experience because every weekend she visits her boyfriend at UCLA. I'm guessing Jeana is paying for these visits. Not once does anyone think that maybe it'd be a good idea for the princess to TRANSFER to UCLA. I guess then they might accidentally save money, so I can see the problem there. No Shane sightings unfortunately, who is now playing for the Kane County Cougars! Yay! Had I known sooner I would've gone to a game this year. He has appeared once this season, and it looks like he is giving steroids the old college try.

The most fabulous part of the show was, of course, Gretchen - the new housewife. If you haven't been watching, Quinn was kicked to the curb because she's not that interesting. Her religious ways and her lack of shopping skills made her an undesirable addition to the show. Her cougar days were winning, but then she dumped the bleached blonde stud and hung out with the golfer and signed her walking papers right there. She was lurking in the background of a previous episode, but no one (including the camera) paid her any attention. So welcome Golddigger Gretchen. She is a beauty, but she heaps a lot of makeup on a face that has a lot of unidentifiable bumps. From afar she's rockin, from up close not as much. Golddigger Gretchen is engaged to Kenny Loggins (his name I think is really Jeff), who is 54 and has Leukemia. The two had been dating about two months or so when he was diagnosed, which led to an immediate engagement. It's interesting to note that Jeff has been married 5 times. In this episode, the two get to go see the Indy 500 right up front, and Gretchen even gets to ride in a pace car. I guess Jeff got all his loot from building pace cars or something, I'm not quite clear on that. They both commented about how much Jeff likes to have Gretchen on his arm and essentially she is a great accessory, which we already knew. As they drive to the Indy 500, they receive a police escort and fly past the hundreds of cars in a traffic stand still, at this point Gretchen laughs and proclaims "neener, neener, neener" - I thought she was 30, not 12. I think it is rather obvious how I feel about Gretchen. She pretends to love and care for her sick fiancee, who is much older and really hasn't shown any personality. He has, however, shown that he is rich and likes to buy her stuff. She is not the least bit embarrassed by her actions, but it seems she is counting the days till he croaks and she will get her money and can move on to any hot guy she can nab.

The last part of the show is devoted to Laurie, whose face I just don't understand. On the first reunion show she insisted that she has never had plastic surgery, which is like Kim saying that she is 29 - it isn't true and we don't believe you. All the other housewives has noticed Laurie's absence since she married her UBER rich new husband, and she has made no apologies. In this episode she talks about her son Josh and how he is just so troubled. She wishes she could figure out what's wrong with him, but she just can't. She allowed Josh to live in her townhome with his sister whose name escapes me, and he got back into drugs and was arrested for intent to sell heroin. Laurie explains that when she heard this happened she was angry, mortified and embarrassed. No mention of worry for her precious child or what HE might be feeling.

No matter how many times Laurie talks about Josh I feel that she is being fake. She musters up some tears and explains that she wishes she could just DO something! Her husband has more money than G-d, you can do something, you just don't want to. Laurie apologizes to all her fans and says goodbye. The credits after reveal that Laurie has left the show to spend time with her family. BS. Laurie has left the show to spend time with her rich husband and travel wherever he wants to take her. She's been working up to this lifestyle her whole life and now she has it. Half the family doesn't even seem to live with her, so what family is she talking about? Another credit reveals that Josh received 8 months in jail, so clearly she doesn't have to deal with him anymore, and I really think that she is glad. Call me mean and insensitive, but I have never believed that she is doing all she can. Throwing money at your kids does not solve the problem, which none of these women realize.

Next week we meet the NEW housewife! She's a brunette, so Jeana will have competition.