Oh Kelly, How I Love to Hate You

I watched the first part of the RHONYC reunion last night and my ladies did not disappoint. From crazy eyes Ramona to Kelly's inability to string together coherent thoughts I was left eagerly awaiting part two that will air Thursday.

First off, I'd like to share that I love Andy Cohen. And, as Amy pointed out, he is a member of my tribe so lucky me! I've watched about 10 of these reunions and never noticed his name before, but this time I paid attention.

I don't even know where to begin. Bethenny, who looked adorable in her little green dress that was too short but revealed barely any cellulite was as charming as usual. She and Jill held hands as they were attacked by either Ramona, Alex or Kelly, assuring me that their friendship is not manufactured. I earned more respect for Jill this season and would happily welcome her into my friendship with Bethenny, Nene and Tamra.

The Countess confirmed that her husband is no more and that she will be able to keep her title. Phew. Though the Countess was annoying throughout the season, I thought she composed herself nicely at the reunion. She should've dropped the whole Ramona calling her husband old because he is OLD. Get over it.

Alex didn't say much and her lipstick seemed the wrong color and her hair seemed more dry and awry as usual. She said something about being a consultant somewhere now that she was laid off in February. I had no idea what she did before, so good for her. Even though Ramona insulted her throughout the whole season, Alex was more insistent on yelling at Bethenny for her humorous quips and digs. I think Alex was hurt that Bethenny got so much screen time. And where was Simon? What a surprise he didn't crash the party, perhaps for round two. Also, Alex confirmed she is writing a book about parenting. Thankfully, that book will cover the experience of being a parent, not actually how to parent since Francois and Johan aren't the most well behaved boys. I'm also sure they'll have no trouble in life with those names that just scream "please beat me up on the monkey bars," especially if the other kids find pictures of their mommy without panties on the Interweb.

Crazy eyes Ramona seemed a little too worked up over things, but she is easy to ignore because she just never makes sense. Also, I believe on the whole she is harmless. Jill was able to get Ramona to admit a few times that she hadn't been entirely correct about dates, events, etc. - something we all knew without Jill forcing it out of her.

On to Kelly. She did manage to close her mouth a few times, making her appear much more attractive than she did in the season. She did not, however, endear herself to anyone and it is clear that the rest of the cast now feels the same way as Bethenny. When asked about her current tussle with the law, Kelly responded with gibberish about how she's worked hard for her name and to build a brand. She said something about a younger man and went on and on about police, the Post, etc. She also started crying about lord knows what. Amy says she was "basically fake crying about being fake famous."

Essentially, Kelly was saying the assault never happened, but it's not clear. Then, she said my favorite line of the night: The grass isn't always greener on the other side, no matter how much fertilizer you have. I literally had no clue what she was saying. I hadn't realized that she truly believes that the housewives and the rest of the world are just jealous of her. Us poor civilians have nothing to do but WISH we could be as mean and rude as Kelly, and maybe if we were lucky we could sound as ignorant as her as well?

Sadly, Bethenny mentioned AGAIN that night at Tommy Hilfeger's party and how Kelly ignored her. Bethenny needs to move on from that because she's making it sound like she wishes she had fertilizer. There are many other reasons she should hate Kelly, so I hope she brings them up next week.

We also learned that Kelly has a name between Kelly and Bensimon, but no one cares. And, she is being accused of stealing the owl designs we saw in the episode where she brags that she makes jewelry. Again, Kelly did not seem to deny these allegations, but instead spewed whispery chirps about people wishing they could do half as much as she does.

As things heated up a tad with Ramona seeming to be the target (why isn't it Kelly?), Andy interrupted the ladies and said we must wait until Thursday to see the rest of the fights. Please, Andy, bring me a Kelly and Bethenny knock down drag out yelling match. Or rather, have Kelly yell and scream and whine while Bethenny calmly watches Kelly melt into an idiotic oblivion. Usually, I feel sort of bad for insulting reality stars, but Kelly is far from real, so all guilt is removed.

To see a transcript of all the fights click here.