Greedy Gretchen

Oh boy oh boy! This week's episode of RHOC did not dissapoint. Actually, most of it sucked, but then when Tamra threw her ettiquette party and Gretchen got wasted, the mortifying fun began.

Oops, I just realized I completely skipped last week's episode, which was pretty lame overall. Most of it was spent at a race track with stupid hats. One funny point was that Gretchen insisted on getting a pink hat, even though Tamra was wearing pink. Gretchen bought all the pink hats at a private hat party, only to show up in a completely colored hat. At the race track, Tamra and Vicki sat in a corner avoiding everyone else like children. Gretchen pretended not to care and flitted about while Lynne sat and moped.

Now for this week's show, let me touch on some of the less exciting parts of the show. Vicki went to Chicago and visited with her family. She said "I love you," to her mom, at which her mom replied, "thank you." While yes this is an odd response, Vicki went on and on about it reminding us yet again that she is starved for both love and attention.

Lynne and her husband go to dinner as Raquel takes a gaggle of fuzzy-faced girls bowling. At first I was utterly confused as to why half of the girls didn't want their faces shown, but then I realized that the girls were drinking and either a. they were underage and couldn't be shown or b. they were underage and didn't WANT to be shown. However, I'm guessing since they went bowling with all the cameras around they didn't mind being on TV, so Bravo (who informed viewers at the end of the show that they don't condone underage drinking just in case we thought they did) decided to blur out their faces, which was really really distracting. So the girls would drink in the bathroom and then come out and be annoying and I know that if I were bowling at that alley I'd want to punch them all in their blurry faces.

Throughout the show Gretchen tears up in front of a sign that says "hospital" about how hard it is to spend so much time in the hospital. I wanted to give her a hug and assure her it will all be worth it when the will arrives. However, honestly it probably is sort of tough spending all your time at a hospital watching someone die, even if you don't really care about him all that much.

Now for the good stuff! Tamra is taking ettiquette classes because she doesn't now how to be polite. Money can buy you boobs but not class, though it can buy you ettiquette. To show off the skills that she's sort of learned, she throws a dinner party for all the girls on the show. Sometimes I wonder if Tamra has other friends, because mostly she hangs out with the people on the show, even though it's clear she doesn't like Gretchen or even know Lynne is alive.

Tamra plans a fancy shindig and hires a chef. Apparently Ryan has received a bartending degree (who dares call him lazy!) and so he'll be helping out at the bar. Gretchen arrives in a pretty cute hot pink dress, but as per usual her make-up is piled on in six layers. Gretchen notices Ryan is male and thinks she cute and sets her sights on her target.

Simon is apparently investing in a tequila company, so tequila shots for everyone! Gretchen complains about her rough times and proclaims she is drinking tonight! They sit down to dinner and everyone has place cards with a little nickname. Gretchen doesn't have one and pouts until they suggest one for him. Simon throws out Greedy Gretchen, claiming its because she likes attention. Cut to Tamra telling the camera "if it looks like a golddigger..." Finally! Someone has actually invoked the G word for Gretchen, and not a moment too soon. Gretchen wasn't the least bit offended by her new nickname.

As the night goes on, Tamra decides to keep Gretchen's shot glass full. Gretchen gets drunker and drunker, and Ryan finally pulls up a chair right next to her. They're a little touchy touchy feely feely, and Tamra warns Gretchen her son is a man-whore.

1. I don't know how I'd feel if my mother referred to me as a man-whore.
2. I don't think I would act like a man-whore in front of my mother, because that was what Ryan was doing.

Vicki and Tamra are getting a kick out of this, and the whole table actually seems to find Gretchen amusing. She likes attention normally, so now imagine her drunk and loud. Jeana is trying to hide the full glasses of alcohol, and Lynne is trying to tell Gretchen to stop. Oh, wait, Lynne is there? I did notice some big balloons, but I didn't know they belonged to anyone.

Eventually, they get up from the table and now Gretchen is dancing and basically lifting up her skirt. Ryan has his hands all over her and everyone is just standing around watching the spectical. The odd thing is that in Gretchen's confessions to the camera about the night, she doesn't seem the least bit embarrassed. I was so uncomfortable I had to hide my face in my TV watching partner's fur multiple times. It was that bad and that good at the same time.

Lynne wants to drive Gretchen home, but Tamra insists that Gretchen can stay with her. Undoubtably so that her man-whore son can jump on Gretchen and prove that she is just a golddigger with no feelings for her fiancee.

As the show comes to an end, Gretchen and Ryan have disappeared! We focus in on a shut door and hear their voices with subtitles, which we've learned from Joe Millionaire years ago means something naughty is going on. Gretchen left because she "had to go potty" and Ryan is helping. She informs him that he can't kiss her or make out with her, and he does that whiney boy's "why" thing. She playfully insists and then tells him that he his hot. He returns the sentiment.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I can't wait.